sitting on his thumbs...
Oh so slow...
Once again, I sit here, thinking about how to entertain you without being redundant...
Don't need to talk about the relative merits of poon and on a general scale how many points it may be worth compared to some other special goodness in the world. Might as well result to just saying bathroom words (you know, butt, puddin', weiner, poop)...
I don't know... my fertile imagination seems to be escaping me at the moment... It may be the drugs... something is making me tired... general lethargy brought on by the crappy weather... coffee... something about coffee...
It is a shame, I have a lot to say, a lot I would like to do... Hey baby, I smell pretty good, why don't you come over here and take a wiff, yeah, right here on my arm... you dig that? Smells like sunshine, and pepper, and warm skin... Hey, I don't have a pillow but why don't we sneak off, right over here... I bet you smell good too and I have a couple other spots you ought to wiff around... and we could just kinda smell each other and talk, we don't have to get completely naked, but you know, it might help, might help make things more comfortable, and metaphysical or something, you know, like removing all our clothes would be like breaking down our inhibitions and we could REALLY relate to each other, you know... I can be a sensetive guy... things like that...
Down in the garage, I would like to explore, go spelunking, so to speak... Hey ladies, you know I been fixed??? Really, the doctor told me I could sleep with whoever I want and they won't get pregnant... now I am just kinda making conversations, you know, cause there is really only one lady in my life... but we could pretend, eh??? yeah... you could close your eyes and pretend you are doing things to me, and I could close my eyes and pretend you are doing things to me, and somewhere out there, in the astral plane perhaps, you are actually doing things to me... and I won't have to confess things to my wife cause it wasn't really here in the physical realm, you know... and how could I turn you down in your dreams... what kind of cad would I be then, eh...
Ok, so a cup or so of coffee later, short time before I get off work.. funny, I look forward to playing with my laptop... so shiny and sweet... amazing the things I can do with it...
You know what??? I am gonna do up some sort of Fancy graphic header image incorporating many different elements... this, you have to keep in mind, is coming from a guy with little in the way of visual artistry... I would prefer to be thought of as a master of the typed word... that would be sweet... although I may really only be thought of as a freak...
Still operating under that retard banner... special jeff... that can be my nickname...
People like my writing because the special boy is trying so hard and he is spelling many of the words right, isn't that cute?
How special? I figure my past girlfriends were really like social workers, nothing more than paid by the state to try and teach the retard how to be sociable or able to relate to others or something... I was too special for them and drove them away (well, that experiment with the crazy redhead, that was like 2 retards in confined area trying to act like normal human beings...) Heh, sorry crazy redhead, it was all me, you weren't really crazy (HA) it was all me, I made you this way... put down the knife and let it go...
Oh, and the other chick that I tried to relate to... uh, yeah, that was pretty retarded... she had no patience for my shenanigans... shenanigans being nice way of saying bullshit, I suppose... Hey ladies.. you remember that dude that was really hot in the sack but you couldn't really stand to be around because there was something that was just not right about him??? But you still think about him and want to sleep with him? Yeah, that was me... Me that you want to sleep with... I am that dude, come and sleep with me... it will be like old times... I am every womans retarded ex boyfriend that they still would like to do it with... come and get me... Oh, just kidding, I have a very kind and understanding caretaker right now, don't want to drive her away... I think we are actually coming to a breakthrough... just a few more years and I may be domesticated yet... mostly normal in human standards... not like the wolf boy... more like a cross between the elephant man and helen keller... If she can put up with my bullshit for just another year or two I think I will be ready... for graduation I want a Camaro... not one of those super sweet '72 RS's... no, one of those like late 80's knight rider types...
Lets see... uhh... puchomp...
Dude... this is the kind of stuff that rainman had written in his notebooks... gosh, I really am mental, eh? Is this a subliminal call for help... Hello out there, somebody please love me!!! Tell me I am smart and I smell good and it is true that you really want to have sex with me!!! but not out of pity... no, because of my superior genes... which would then mean that I am not a retard...
but... hold it... So I am not a retard? I am not like other people though? Does special have multiple meanings... like we are all special in our own special way... but you are extra special, that makes me a bit better??? Heh... damn...
This one time, some of you may know this story, I went to a wedding... was this dude that we called cousin although he really wasn't... so took my wife with me, was her first real immersion into the valley I think... anyway, she runs into this chick that she knows from somewhere and this chick is all like, hey, what are you doing here and she said something about being here with her husband and there were some other words here and there and this chick looks at her all incredulous like and said something like "I can't believe you married into the Mayfields"... heheeheh... true story... so, we were talking about this at dinner last night, not sure the real context of the conversation, something about us being very special people and somehow there is a long string of these "crazy bitches" in our pasts... Really crazy women, not sure why they all turned crazy or why we didn't see it in the first place... I am the good one... it is the others, damn, every single one of them in there pasts were/was/are crazy (damn, I lost control of that one, eh?) ... it is kinda funny, cause when it happens with someone else it is easy to see that the common denominator is the one complaining about the crazies... except in my family... and I think this is true... we drive people insane... for real... make 'em violent, or make them take drastic measures... yeah... we are like the typhoid maries of mental disorders.... Heh, we gots our shit together, but people that brush up against us end up catchin' it and spreading it around...
Oh, I wish I had a point... I am sure if I sat with an open mind and though enough about it I could come up with some sort of theory... like I am writing this to be passive-aggressive... assuming that I will get a specific response... or I could claim that this is just an attempt to write something with some sort of cohesivness (it is there if you look real hard)... this is not really true stream of consciousness, you know how I know? Heh, it would be truley insane... writing in the margins kind of crazy... all I am really getting out of this is some sort of Horny, with the peaks and valleys of esteem and a little something something... hell, I don't know.. I think I would really just appreciate a comment or two... Helloooo, I know you are out there... somebody shoot me a howdy... I would love to hear from you... well, except for Larry Lagassa... screw you larry...
Once again, I sit here, thinking about how to entertain you without being redundant...
Don't need to talk about the relative merits of poon and on a general scale how many points it may be worth compared to some other special goodness in the world. Might as well result to just saying bathroom words (you know, butt, puddin', weiner, poop)...
I don't know... my fertile imagination seems to be escaping me at the moment... It may be the drugs... something is making me tired... general lethargy brought on by the crappy weather... coffee... something about coffee...
It is a shame, I have a lot to say, a lot I would like to do... Hey baby, I smell pretty good, why don't you come over here and take a wiff, yeah, right here on my arm... you dig that? Smells like sunshine, and pepper, and warm skin... Hey, I don't have a pillow but why don't we sneak off, right over here... I bet you smell good too and I have a couple other spots you ought to wiff around... and we could just kinda smell each other and talk, we don't have to get completely naked, but you know, it might help, might help make things more comfortable, and metaphysical or something, you know, like removing all our clothes would be like breaking down our inhibitions and we could REALLY relate to each other, you know... I can be a sensetive guy... things like that...
Down in the garage, I would like to explore, go spelunking, so to speak... Hey ladies, you know I been fixed??? Really, the doctor told me I could sleep with whoever I want and they won't get pregnant... now I am just kinda making conversations, you know, cause there is really only one lady in my life... but we could pretend, eh??? yeah... you could close your eyes and pretend you are doing things to me, and I could close my eyes and pretend you are doing things to me, and somewhere out there, in the astral plane perhaps, you are actually doing things to me... and I won't have to confess things to my wife cause it wasn't really here in the physical realm, you know... and how could I turn you down in your dreams... what kind of cad would I be then, eh...
Ok, so a cup or so of coffee later, short time before I get off work.. funny, I look forward to playing with my laptop... so shiny and sweet... amazing the things I can do with it...
You know what??? I am gonna do up some sort of Fancy graphic header image incorporating many different elements... this, you have to keep in mind, is coming from a guy with little in the way of visual artistry... I would prefer to be thought of as a master of the typed word... that would be sweet... although I may really only be thought of as a freak...
Still operating under that retard banner... special jeff... that can be my nickname...
People like my writing because the special boy is trying so hard and he is spelling many of the words right, isn't that cute?
How special? I figure my past girlfriends were really like social workers, nothing more than paid by the state to try and teach the retard how to be sociable or able to relate to others or something... I was too special for them and drove them away (well, that experiment with the crazy redhead, that was like 2 retards in confined area trying to act like normal human beings...) Heh, sorry crazy redhead, it was all me, you weren't really crazy (HA) it was all me, I made you this way... put down the knife and let it go...
Oh, and the other chick that I tried to relate to... uh, yeah, that was pretty retarded... she had no patience for my shenanigans... shenanigans being nice way of saying bullshit, I suppose... Hey ladies.. you remember that dude that was really hot in the sack but you couldn't really stand to be around because there was something that was just not right about him??? But you still think about him and want to sleep with him? Yeah, that was me... Me that you want to sleep with... I am that dude, come and sleep with me... it will be like old times... I am every womans retarded ex boyfriend that they still would like to do it with... come and get me... Oh, just kidding, I have a very kind and understanding caretaker right now, don't want to drive her away... I think we are actually coming to a breakthrough... just a few more years and I may be domesticated yet... mostly normal in human standards... not like the wolf boy... more like a cross between the elephant man and helen keller... If she can put up with my bullshit for just another year or two I think I will be ready... for graduation I want a Camaro... not one of those super sweet '72 RS's... no, one of those like late 80's knight rider types...
Lets see... uhh... puchomp...
Dude... this is the kind of stuff that rainman had written in his notebooks... gosh, I really am mental, eh? Is this a subliminal call for help... Hello out there, somebody please love me!!! Tell me I am smart and I smell good and it is true that you really want to have sex with me!!! but not out of pity... no, because of my superior genes... which would then mean that I am not a retard...
but... hold it... So I am not a retard? I am not like other people though? Does special have multiple meanings... like we are all special in our own special way... but you are extra special, that makes me a bit better??? Heh... damn...
This one time, some of you may know this story, I went to a wedding... was this dude that we called cousin although he really wasn't... so took my wife with me, was her first real immersion into the valley I think... anyway, she runs into this chick that she knows from somewhere and this chick is all like, hey, what are you doing here and she said something about being here with her husband and there were some other words here and there and this chick looks at her all incredulous like and said something like "I can't believe you married into the Mayfields"... heheeheh... true story... so, we were talking about this at dinner last night, not sure the real context of the conversation, something about us being very special people and somehow there is a long string of these "crazy bitches" in our pasts... Really crazy women, not sure why they all turned crazy or why we didn't see it in the first place... I am the good one... it is the others, damn, every single one of them in there pasts were/was/are crazy (damn, I lost control of that one, eh?) ... it is kinda funny, cause when it happens with someone else it is easy to see that the common denominator is the one complaining about the crazies... except in my family... and I think this is true... we drive people insane... for real... make 'em violent, or make them take drastic measures... yeah... we are like the typhoid maries of mental disorders.... Heh, we gots our shit together, but people that brush up against us end up catchin' it and spreading it around...
Oh, I wish I had a point... I am sure if I sat with an open mind and though enough about it I could come up with some sort of theory... like I am writing this to be passive-aggressive... assuming that I will get a specific response... or I could claim that this is just an attempt to write something with some sort of cohesivness (it is there if you look real hard)... this is not really true stream of consciousness, you know how I know? Heh, it would be truley insane... writing in the margins kind of crazy... all I am really getting out of this is some sort of Horny, with the peaks and valleys of esteem and a little something something... hell, I don't know.. I think I would really just appreciate a comment or two... Helloooo, I know you are out there... somebody shoot me a howdy... I would love to hear from you... well, except for Larry Lagassa... screw you larry...
posted by Catfish at 3:28 PM
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