not dead yet, but probably dying
It started yesterday sometime... Sometime after I started and before I went to lunch. I remember looking at my screen and thinking that I everything looked foggy. By lunch time I was shaking. I figured I was starving to death so I ate. I drank some coffee.
For about 20 minutes I felt great... then it all changed. I was not looking forward to having to pay any attention to anything, or speaking, or walking, things like that. My legs felt week as I walked to the bus. I think I read on the bus, Harafish by Naguib Mahfouz. I got home and sat down, finally, and had a beer and a nice dinner made by my baby.
I felt tired and relieved to be home. Then my baby had to leave for a while and I started feeling less than relieved.
You know those pictures of a snake den, where there are like a billion snakes? and they are all rolling and churning around? That is how my stomach felt. I booked a vacation at the local toilet bowl and, uh, sat on the beach(?)... 3 or 5 times. I stopped when there was nothing left to, uh, sit on the beach for... I was empty.
I told myself I felt better at that point, that I was gonna be just fine and could power through the next couple days. I would sleep off any residual, uh, oogie, and be fine in the morning.
I slept well, and figured I was good to go, but you know what, I made my coffee and started drinking it and it tasted bad... not like Starbucks coffee bad, but like there was something intrinsically bad about drinking coffee... which everyone knows is not true... of course I drank it anyway...
Dude, I almost made it, seriously... I got my lunch made, I did my things and stuff, and took a shower (which was delightful) and was looking forward to actually driving to work today. That is where it all ended. I had to sit down for a minute. Luckily I was in the bathroom and so I sat there on the thing with the water and the hole and things disappear into, all sorts of things disappear, if you know what I mean.
I realized at that point it was a lost cause. I took a quick inventory...
I had:
1) churning and burning stomach
2) pain in my lower back (kidneys?)
3) periodic shooting pains in my head
4) brain cloud otherwise
5) shortness of breath, more like hard to breath
6) dizzy
7) soo sleepy
I decided to call in sick... which added to the inventory:
a) Shame, shame, shame
b) Loser
c) something else I can quite finger...
My dad used to always tell me that only the worst employees called in sick and if you were going to be sick you might as well go to work and get paid for it...
I called in anyhow, or tried... I called the 800 # and started hitting buttons that should get me to the right place. I hit the wrong #'s, had to hang up and call back. I entered the wrong #'s again and hung up.
Called back, hit the wrong #'s, but then kept hitting #'s until I got back to the recording, at which point I again hit the wrong #'s... Wrong #'s meaning I didn't know the right extension to call, not that I was so fucked up I couldn't hit #'s on the keypad correctly.
Dammit!!!
So I got online and emailed some people. I found someone on Aim (hey RedBear) and got the correct extension. I left a message. I found someone else online and told him I was not gonna be in... I figured all my bases were covered.
I laid down on the couch, covered myself with a bankie and fell asleep for a couple hours, or an hour, or something... I had the strangest dreams, dreams I dare not mention other than saying I had a dream... although I remember this one part, yeah... hold on...... ok...
The lovely wife woke me up wanting to know what the hell was going on, I felt like a loser... She has never given me a reason to, but when I have to say something along the lines of how I don't feel good or am sick I feel like I am really letting her down and she begins to wonder what kind of guy she married... She told me to go to bed... I did, and I slept and slept... and had more dreams, strange dreams... when I wasn't dreaming I was either hot or cold, and I was achy all over, and I was kinda twitchy, and crampy... I could feel my intestines tighten and roll... I would try to breath deep and relax and ZAP I would get a shooting pain in my head... then I would sleep...
I finally got up when everyone was gone... I layed on the floor and watched Capote (uh... wasn't THAT good)... I had an egg... egg is gone now...
and here I am now...
Sorry about that...
Here is a goat Peeing.
See this and other delights from Remlinger Farms by clicking on the picture.
For about 20 minutes I felt great... then it all changed. I was not looking forward to having to pay any attention to anything, or speaking, or walking, things like that. My legs felt week as I walked to the bus. I think I read on the bus, Harafish by Naguib Mahfouz. I got home and sat down, finally, and had a beer and a nice dinner made by my baby.
I felt tired and relieved to be home. Then my baby had to leave for a while and I started feeling less than relieved.
You know those pictures of a snake den, where there are like a billion snakes? and they are all rolling and churning around? That is how my stomach felt. I booked a vacation at the local toilet bowl and, uh, sat on the beach(?)... 3 or 5 times. I stopped when there was nothing left to, uh, sit on the beach for... I was empty.
I told myself I felt better at that point, that I was gonna be just fine and could power through the next couple days. I would sleep off any residual, uh, oogie, and be fine in the morning.
I slept well, and figured I was good to go, but you know what, I made my coffee and started drinking it and it tasted bad... not like Starbucks coffee bad, but like there was something intrinsically bad about drinking coffee... which everyone knows is not true... of course I drank it anyway...
Dude, I almost made it, seriously... I got my lunch made, I did my things and stuff, and took a shower (which was delightful) and was looking forward to actually driving to work today. That is where it all ended. I had to sit down for a minute. Luckily I was in the bathroom and so I sat there on the thing with the water and the hole and things disappear into, all sorts of things disappear, if you know what I mean.
I realized at that point it was a lost cause. I took a quick inventory...
I had:
1) churning and burning stomach
2) pain in my lower back (kidneys?)
3) periodic shooting pains in my head
4) brain cloud otherwise
5) shortness of breath, more like hard to breath
6) dizzy
7) soo sleepy
I decided to call in sick... which added to the inventory:
a) Shame, shame, shame
b) Loser
c) something else I can quite finger...
My dad used to always tell me that only the worst employees called in sick and if you were going to be sick you might as well go to work and get paid for it...
I called in anyhow, or tried... I called the 800 # and started hitting buttons that should get me to the right place. I hit the wrong #'s, had to hang up and call back. I entered the wrong #'s again and hung up.
Called back, hit the wrong #'s, but then kept hitting #'s until I got back to the recording, at which point I again hit the wrong #'s... Wrong #'s meaning I didn't know the right extension to call, not that I was so fucked up I couldn't hit #'s on the keypad correctly.
Dammit!!!
So I got online and emailed some people. I found someone on Aim (hey RedBear) and got the correct extension. I left a message. I found someone else online and told him I was not gonna be in... I figured all my bases were covered.
I laid down on the couch, covered myself with a bankie and fell asleep for a couple hours, or an hour, or something... I had the strangest dreams, dreams I dare not mention other than saying I had a dream... although I remember this one part, yeah... hold on...
The lovely wife woke me up wanting to know what the hell was going on, I felt like a loser... She has never given me a reason to, but when I have to say something along the lines of how I don't feel good or am sick I feel like I am really letting her down and she begins to wonder what kind of guy she married... She told me to go to bed... I did, and I slept and slept... and had more dreams, strange dreams... when I wasn't dreaming I was either hot or cold, and I was achy all over, and I was kinda twitchy, and crampy... I could feel my intestines tighten and roll... I would try to breath deep and relax and ZAP I would get a shooting pain in my head... then I would sleep...
I finally got up when everyone was gone... I layed on the floor and watched Capote (uh... wasn't THAT good)... I had an egg... egg is gone now...
and here I am now...
Sorry about that...
Here is a goat Peeing.
See this and other delights from Remlinger Farms by clicking on the picture.
posted by Catfish at 4:45 PM
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