I guess I had a little something after all...
Blah,
I got nothing, absolutely nothing... Well, I got something, but I think it, close my eyes and feel it, and then, when I open my eyes and set my fingers to typing it, BAM!!! I get hit ride in the face with the suckiness of it... Everything just seems so stark, I don't have that happy haze of something something that I get enveloped in when I am really in the groove... Maybe I should just type, yes, perhaps I will do that... Ya'll may want to stop right here and go do something meaningful, like spaying and/or neutering your pet...
Down down down she falls, tumbling and turning, twisting and stuff, as she leaves the summit of the high shear cliff. In retrospect the view really wasn't that great from up there, and the flower, just off the edge really wasn't that pretty and she HAD been warned by the gypsy that she was in for a long and painful trip today... funny how that works. She had time to thing about this as she fell fell fell, it really was a high cliff, so she had plenty of time. She wondered, "will I bounce when I hit the ground? or will I just land with a splat?" She thought, "Perhaps I will make a big hole and if they want me they will need to dig out around me to pull me out". Which seemed silly since they would just dig her out and have to dig a new hole somewhere else to be buried in.
"OH!!!" she thought so OH she said. "I wanted to be cremated. I wonder if I have that written down somewhere? Did I ever tell anyone I loved about my final wishes?"
But she didn't love anyone now, and noone probably loved her. If there is a funeral and people sit around talking about her they will have trouble remembering anything super. Most likely they will sit there for a minute, say something about how they figured she would go this way, take a look at there watch, counting off the tick tick tick of the seconds, then excuse themselves since they had plans and they are running late. And her cat will starve, stupid cat.
Down down down she continued to fall. "OUCH!" she thought (and ouch she said), wouldn't you know it, she got a bug in her eye. The pain caused her to suck in her breath, which resulted in one, two, three, four bugs flying into her mouth, a couple of them went straight into her lungs, such was the force of the suck she exerted. If only she had put that sucking power to use in some of her relationships, maybe she would have someone to love now, or at least someone that would miss her... But she didn't, and noone would, probably, she thought, as she hacked a bug out of her lungs and clawed a bug out of her eye...
She was trying to see the ground, far far far below her, but she still was twisting and turning and really just flopping through the air, so she could not get a bead on the earth rushing up to meet her. She could see the ground, for a moment, then the sky, for a moment, then the cliff, for a second, and something off in the distance briefly, then the ground again, again just for a moment, and so on and so on....
Oh, and it was starting to rain, and she was wearing a white shirt, and a blue bra, really trashy, really... Add some daisy dukes and it would really be a sight to behold, but she didn't have the ass for it, really didn't need a bra... "Oh my god!" she thought (and said it too, she was a mouth breather, did I mention that, so she pretty much mentioned every little thought that came into her head, and when she was alone, or even in a crowd, and she kinda spaced out, her jaw would slacken and she would just sit there and breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out (and sometimes a little thread a drool would sneak out the corner, but she usually caught it (not always though, she didn't know but this was the untold reason that some of her boyfriends had dumped her (although some of them weren't even boyfriends, just casual encounters (she told herself))))... She had been feeling a bit self conscious this morning, she remembered, and had, for a lark, stuffed her bra with whatever it is that women stuff their bra's with (dammit, what am I? a bra scientist?) and she was imagining the laughs when they did the autopsy on her, or at least prepared her for burial, when they found this stuffing...
Would they laugh more at:
1) the fact that she stuffed her bra and they caught her?
2) at her small little titties
3) at the stuffing she had used (again, I don't know what it was, but she probably used something stupid)
And she thought "OH!" again (said it out loud, etc. etc.) because she remembered that she hadn't done any "maintenance" in a while so she was REALLY hairy, here and here and especially down there. How embarrassing!!!
"OH!!!" (etc. etc.) "I wonder, if when I land, if I will poo?" Funny thing, she was a firm believer that it didn't really matter if you wore clean underwear or not because it was her belief that most accidents resulted in people pooing their pants. So, if it really got to a point where someone would be seeing her underwear it would be because of an accident and, uh, there would be poo, so how clean the underwear was did not really matter (another of the reasons that some of her "boyfriends" had mysteriously broken up with her was because of the skidmarks in her drawers (she was clumsy and expected to be in an accident daily, so if her underwear was clean it was more unusual than usual)).
Reasons "boys" broke up with her:
1) Mouth Breather
2) Dirty Drawers
3) Didn't suck enough
4) Itty Bitty Titties
5) Slept with their Dad
6) Turned Gay
7) Big Bush
8) Its not you, its me (but its really you)
9) They forgot
10) Cute midget
11) Dirty Drawers + Big Bush = Klingon's
Down down down she fell, the top of the cliff grew further and further away, the ground most likely was getting closer and closer (stands to reason)... It was a bad day... She was falling, had a bug in her eye, a few in her lungs, it was raining, she was unkempt had little boobs, nobody loved her and she was mostly likely going to die in a moment or two...
She didn't know it, but it really wouldn't be that bad... she was definitely going to die, and she was going to Heaven (yay heaven, cause that is what she believed), but when she got to heaven she wasn't going to get in. Oh, they would be kind... they would say pleasant words at her, give her a spa day where she would get shaved up and waxed down (maybe do something about that hair-do, yo)... they would give her some clean drawers, sexy ones that she couldn't have pulled off with such a mighty bush, some low riders to show off the whale tale... magical angel dust would be sprinkled on her and she would finally get the rack she always wanted... quick brush of the teeth, a pat on the ass and (imagine this) down down down she would go, down down down, to the bad place, because she believed in that too... But due to some computer problems that had caused the mouth breather ring of hell to be overbooked (she didn't believe in Dante's rings of hell, but they really are there) they didn't have room for her, besides, noone wanted to work that ring anyhow and the staff that WAS there was surly... So in this case, down down down she would go, and she really would bounce... boing!!! back to the world, the real world, really really alive and well, but all of heavens hard work would have to be undone... back to the stanky drawers, SPROING would be the sound as the mighty bush sproings back into existence, PWINK would be the sound of her fancy rack pwinking back down to nubbins, etc. etc...
But she would not know about this for a little while yet, she was not quite there... She would still had to throw up a little in her mouth, try to fly (actually flapping the arms, damn), remember the time she saw her dad naked when he got out of the shower (and she was a little girl) and wonder about why she was remembering THAT, especially NOW...
Yeah, just a little bit more, yeah baby, almost there... she's getting close, sooo close, oh, oh, come on, come on ... oooh. yeah. thats. it. right. there. FWEE FWEE FWEE FWEE Ahhhhhhhhhh... Down down down...
I got nothing, absolutely nothing... Well, I got something, but I think it, close my eyes and feel it, and then, when I open my eyes and set my fingers to typing it, BAM!!! I get hit ride in the face with the suckiness of it... Everything just seems so stark, I don't have that happy haze of something something that I get enveloped in when I am really in the groove... Maybe I should just type, yes, perhaps I will do that... Ya'll may want to stop right here and go do something meaningful, like spaying and/or neutering your pet...
Down down down she falls, tumbling and turning, twisting and stuff, as she leaves the summit of the high shear cliff. In retrospect the view really wasn't that great from up there, and the flower, just off the edge really wasn't that pretty and she HAD been warned by the gypsy that she was in for a long and painful trip today... funny how that works. She had time to thing about this as she fell fell fell, it really was a high cliff, so she had plenty of time. She wondered, "will I bounce when I hit the ground? or will I just land with a splat?" She thought, "Perhaps I will make a big hole and if they want me they will need to dig out around me to pull me out". Which seemed silly since they would just dig her out and have to dig a new hole somewhere else to be buried in.
"OH!!!" she thought so OH she said. "I wanted to be cremated. I wonder if I have that written down somewhere? Did I ever tell anyone I loved about my final wishes?"
But she didn't love anyone now, and noone probably loved her. If there is a funeral and people sit around talking about her they will have trouble remembering anything super. Most likely they will sit there for a minute, say something about how they figured she would go this way, take a look at there watch, counting off the tick tick tick of the seconds, then excuse themselves since they had plans and they are running late. And her cat will starve, stupid cat.
Down down down she continued to fall. "OUCH!" she thought (and ouch she said), wouldn't you know it, she got a bug in her eye. The pain caused her to suck in her breath, which resulted in one, two, three, four bugs flying into her mouth, a couple of them went straight into her lungs, such was the force of the suck she exerted. If only she had put that sucking power to use in some of her relationships, maybe she would have someone to love now, or at least someone that would miss her... But she didn't, and noone would, probably, she thought, as she hacked a bug out of her lungs and clawed a bug out of her eye...
She was trying to see the ground, far far far below her, but she still was twisting and turning and really just flopping through the air, so she could not get a bead on the earth rushing up to meet her. She could see the ground, for a moment, then the sky, for a moment, then the cliff, for a second, and something off in the distance briefly, then the ground again, again just for a moment, and so on and so on....
Oh, and it was starting to rain, and she was wearing a white shirt, and a blue bra, really trashy, really... Add some daisy dukes and it would really be a sight to behold, but she didn't have the ass for it, really didn't need a bra... "Oh my god!" she thought (and said it too, she was a mouth breather, did I mention that, so she pretty much mentioned every little thought that came into her head, and when she was alone, or even in a crowd, and she kinda spaced out, her jaw would slacken and she would just sit there and breath in, breath out, breath in, breath out (and sometimes a little thread a drool would sneak out the corner, but she usually caught it (not always though, she didn't know but this was the untold reason that some of her boyfriends had dumped her (although some of them weren't even boyfriends, just casual encounters (she told herself))))... She had been feeling a bit self conscious this morning, she remembered, and had, for a lark, stuffed her bra with whatever it is that women stuff their bra's with (dammit, what am I? a bra scientist?) and she was imagining the laughs when they did the autopsy on her, or at least prepared her for burial, when they found this stuffing...
Would they laugh more at:
1) the fact that she stuffed her bra and they caught her?
2) at her small little titties
3) at the stuffing she had used (again, I don't know what it was, but she probably used something stupid)
And she thought "OH!" again (said it out loud, etc. etc.) because she remembered that she hadn't done any "maintenance" in a while so she was REALLY hairy, here and here and especially down there. How embarrassing!!!
"OH!!!" (etc. etc.) "I wonder, if when I land, if I will poo?" Funny thing, she was a firm believer that it didn't really matter if you wore clean underwear or not because it was her belief that most accidents resulted in people pooing their pants. So, if it really got to a point where someone would be seeing her underwear it would be because of an accident and, uh, there would be poo, so how clean the underwear was did not really matter (another of the reasons that some of her "boyfriends" had mysteriously broken up with her was because of the skidmarks in her drawers (she was clumsy and expected to be in an accident daily, so if her underwear was clean it was more unusual than usual)).
Reasons "boys" broke up with her:
1) Mouth Breather
2) Dirty Drawers
3) Didn't suck enough
4) Itty Bitty Titties
5) Slept with their Dad
6) Turned Gay
7) Big Bush
8) Its not you, its me (but its really you)
9) They forgot
10) Cute midget
11) Dirty Drawers + Big Bush = Klingon's
Down down down she fell, the top of the cliff grew further and further away, the ground most likely was getting closer and closer (stands to reason)... It was a bad day... She was falling, had a bug in her eye, a few in her lungs, it was raining, she was unkempt had little boobs, nobody loved her and she was mostly likely going to die in a moment or two...
She didn't know it, but it really wouldn't be that bad... she was definitely going to die, and she was going to Heaven (yay heaven, cause that is what she believed), but when she got to heaven she wasn't going to get in. Oh, they would be kind... they would say pleasant words at her, give her a spa day where she would get shaved up and waxed down (maybe do something about that hair-do, yo)... they would give her some clean drawers, sexy ones that she couldn't have pulled off with such a mighty bush, some low riders to show off the whale tale... magical angel dust would be sprinkled on her and she would finally get the rack she always wanted... quick brush of the teeth, a pat on the ass and (imagine this) down down down she would go, down down down, to the bad place, because she believed in that too... But due to some computer problems that had caused the mouth breather ring of hell to be overbooked (she didn't believe in Dante's rings of hell, but they really are there) they didn't have room for her, besides, noone wanted to work that ring anyhow and the staff that WAS there was surly... So in this case, down down down she would go, and she really would bounce... boing!!! back to the world, the real world, really really alive and well, but all of heavens hard work would have to be undone... back to the stanky drawers, SPROING would be the sound as the mighty bush sproings back into existence, PWINK would be the sound of her fancy rack pwinking back down to nubbins, etc. etc...
But she would not know about this for a little while yet, she was not quite there... She would still had to throw up a little in her mouth, try to fly (actually flapping the arms, damn), remember the time she saw her dad naked when he got out of the shower (and she was a little girl) and wonder about why she was remembering THAT, especially NOW...
Yeah, just a little bit more, yeah baby, almost there... she's getting close, sooo close, oh, oh, come on, come on ... oooh. yeah. thats. it. right. there. FWEE FWEE FWEE FWEE Ahhhhhhhhhh... Down down down...
Labels: down down down, story
posted by Catfish at 8:47 AM
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