Back with a vengence...
The bus smelled like wet cat today. And I don't mean like cool old timey jazz dudes, I mean it smelled like stale old wet felines. Many many of them. I sat there trying to figure out what the fuck was going on and it took me clear up till we got to Seattle to figure out that it was the gal sitting in front of me. When she got up there was a waft...
As gals go, she had a lot NOT going for her.
1) She was a redhead, but it was a dirty pale red.
2) Well, obviously she smelled of many stale cats, which means:
3) She had horrible social skills and only had cats as friends.
4) She was short and had a BIG OL' BUTT. She was not particularly hefty, you dig, she was squat, yes, squat describes her. She was squat and even being squat her butt was completely out of proportion with the rest of her body... it was like they took 3 or 4 butts off of midgets, squashed them all together like playdo, and just stuck them on her.
Anyhow, she got off the bus and the smell started going away, then this old dude comes and sits in the seat she had been in so I decided to smell him. He smelled a little like O'Berto pepperoni sticks. After they have been sitting there a while. So they have toughened up a bit. And you take a whiff to see if they are still worth eating.
Oh, and this other old dude kept looking at me... I don't know why...
Oh, and the sausage has been acting up again lately. He has been taking a different bus down to the park and ride, but then gets on my bus. Whenever he gets on I swear he looks for me and gives me a nod. If he doesn't get the nod when he gets ON the bus he will actually wait for me to start getting off and do whatever he can to make eye contact with me so I can acknowledge him before I get off... Sometimes I make sure to not acknowledge him when I am getting off, see if I can eventually get him to have a hissy fit or something... bastard... I swear I am going to pop him upside his head one of these days... "accidentally" slip and fall into him with both fists, one high and one low... see if I can't break his nose and shatter his nuts at the same time... BAM!!!
OK, so I have been having some strange dreams lately, I think it has something to do with my bruxism, or might be caused by or perhaps a result of... Anyhow, check this out...
1) I drempt I was at the Strems house, except it was way bigger, like a freakin' mansion, you dig... so they were going to move out and we were going to move in, so we were kinda staying at one end of the mansion and had shit all over the place... Anyway, I was wandering around and ended up in this big ass room, kind of a library or bookstore or something, and I was talking to this dude and he was saying how cool it was that there were all these animals around, like it was a zoo, and I was like, huh? and I looked around and all of a sudden these animals popped up over this bookshelf, and there was a monkey... Actually there was a monkey and a tiger and a giraffe and maybe a snake or two and I was all like, HOLY SHIT!!! because I thought the tiger might attack us, but then I took a closer look and realized that even though they were moving around they were actually stuffed animals... the tiger has teeth made out of cloth and button eyes and all these shiny pieces stitched all over him... I figured I could rip him to pieces if need be so I ignored him and went outside... Outside was this courtyard and there was apparently a fancy restaurant in the mansion and people paid a lot of money to eat there, I know this because I offered this guy a cigar and he was talking shit saying that after he paid so much money for dinner nothing but a $90 cigar would do... I was all like, whatever dude, and started eating this cigar I had, which was suddenly huge, but tasty...
2) I drempt that we had kidnapped my brother in laws kids, decided that it was for the best for some reason and although everyone was looking for them, and we were pretending to, we had just hidden them in this big garage in back of this house... so everyone was all trippin' out and didn't know where the kids are but me and my old lady and I was going back and forth, playing with the kids and then back to where everyone was looking for the kids... Then my brother in law followed me back to the garage and found out that we had the kids and was all confused and decided he had to talk to my wife, and he was heading for her and I could tell he was going to freak out and tried to stop him, he kept saying he had to ask her why and I kept telling him that if he thought about it he would know why, but he kept heading for her, so I started beating on him, but he kept moving like he didn't feel it, so I finally got him down and started hitting him on the forehead with some square metal object, just kept pounding away... I felt bad because although we had kidnapped his kids it wasn't really that important to us, but I had to stop him and eventually either knocked him out or killed him, I wasn't sure... but he stopped moving...
3) Last night I dreamed, shit, what was it... oh yeah, I was hanging out with WestCoastGold, oh, this is good... yeah, so I was hanging out with her because she was going to buy this new house and wanted to show me... so her son was with us and he was going on about something, kept asking if he needed "cups" and I was all like, what the fuck dude, and he was saying that kids were making fun of him and thought that he might need cups, and I finally asked him what he was talking about and he pointed to his chest and I thought, oh, he has like puffy nipples or something, it happens to boys sometimes, they go away (never happened to me, for the record, but anyway) so I just laughed and told him it weren't no big deal and he pulls up his shirt and he actually had little boobs and he said, you don't think I need cups? and I was all like, WHOA!!! and his mom was standing there and I told him that it was probably because he had been breast feeding for so long and maybe it was time he stopped... he looked sad... anyhow, we went into the house, and it was very nice, lace curtains and stuff, and WCG was telling me it was owned by this nice old black couple, and they didn't want to sell it to a white girl, and we laughed and I said how ironic it was that she was so down with the brothers and this black couple didn't want to sell to her, she agreed... so I went out back and there were some people hanging out on the stoop or something so I sat down with them and this big cat kept coming up to me and I kept pushing it away and there was this old indian dude sitting there and someone gave me some scissors and they had some and they would click the scissors at me and I would click mine back and depending on how you did it it meant that you knew someone that had just got a haircut, so they passed the scissors to the indian and I clicked mine at him and he just smiled, so I did it again, and he just looked at me and smiled, and I started trying to explain the game to him but he didn't understand me and I didn't really understand the game well enough either, so I just stopped and sat there...
That was about it for my dreams recently... well, except for this quick little dream I had where my lovely wife was wearing this slinky dress, it was black and it had no shoulders or sleeves, you know, just came up over the boobs and left everything above it bare... she was turning around and around showing me the dress, she would turn her back to me and her ass was all like BAM!!! and her shoulders looked all soft and white, then she would turn sideways and I would get this killer profile shot and it was SOOO hot, then she would turn back facing me and her the dress was all hugging her hips and her boobs were all looking ripe and luscious and I was all like GODDAMN!!! she was like glowing and I thought my heart was going to burst... HOT HOT HOT!!!
That's all I got...
As gals go, she had a lot NOT going for her.
1) She was a redhead, but it was a dirty pale red.
2) Well, obviously she smelled of many stale cats, which means:
3) She had horrible social skills and only had cats as friends.
4) She was short and had a BIG OL' BUTT. She was not particularly hefty, you dig, she was squat, yes, squat describes her. She was squat and even being squat her butt was completely out of proportion with the rest of her body... it was like they took 3 or 4 butts off of midgets, squashed them all together like playdo, and just stuck them on her.
Anyhow, she got off the bus and the smell started going away, then this old dude comes and sits in the seat she had been in so I decided to smell him. He smelled a little like O'Berto pepperoni sticks. After they have been sitting there a while. So they have toughened up a bit. And you take a whiff to see if they are still worth eating.
Oh, and this other old dude kept looking at me... I don't know why...
Oh, and the sausage has been acting up again lately. He has been taking a different bus down to the park and ride, but then gets on my bus. Whenever he gets on I swear he looks for me and gives me a nod. If he doesn't get the nod when he gets ON the bus he will actually wait for me to start getting off and do whatever he can to make eye contact with me so I can acknowledge him before I get off... Sometimes I make sure to not acknowledge him when I am getting off, see if I can eventually get him to have a hissy fit or something... bastard... I swear I am going to pop him upside his head one of these days... "accidentally" slip and fall into him with both fists, one high and one low... see if I can't break his nose and shatter his nuts at the same time... BAM!!!
OK, so I have been having some strange dreams lately, I think it has something to do with my bruxism, or might be caused by or perhaps a result of... Anyhow, check this out...
1) I drempt I was at the Strems house, except it was way bigger, like a freakin' mansion, you dig... so they were going to move out and we were going to move in, so we were kinda staying at one end of the mansion and had shit all over the place... Anyway, I was wandering around and ended up in this big ass room, kind of a library or bookstore or something, and I was talking to this dude and he was saying how cool it was that there were all these animals around, like it was a zoo, and I was like, huh? and I looked around and all of a sudden these animals popped up over this bookshelf, and there was a monkey... Actually there was a monkey and a tiger and a giraffe and maybe a snake or two and I was all like, HOLY SHIT!!! because I thought the tiger might attack us, but then I took a closer look and realized that even though they were moving around they were actually stuffed animals... the tiger has teeth made out of cloth and button eyes and all these shiny pieces stitched all over him... I figured I could rip him to pieces if need be so I ignored him and went outside... Outside was this courtyard and there was apparently a fancy restaurant in the mansion and people paid a lot of money to eat there, I know this because I offered this guy a cigar and he was talking shit saying that after he paid so much money for dinner nothing but a $90 cigar would do... I was all like, whatever dude, and started eating this cigar I had, which was suddenly huge, but tasty...
2) I drempt that we had kidnapped my brother in laws kids, decided that it was for the best for some reason and although everyone was looking for them, and we were pretending to, we had just hidden them in this big garage in back of this house... so everyone was all trippin' out and didn't know where the kids are but me and my old lady and I was going back and forth, playing with the kids and then back to where everyone was looking for the kids... Then my brother in law followed me back to the garage and found out that we had the kids and was all confused and decided he had to talk to my wife, and he was heading for her and I could tell he was going to freak out and tried to stop him, he kept saying he had to ask her why and I kept telling him that if he thought about it he would know why, but he kept heading for her, so I started beating on him, but he kept moving like he didn't feel it, so I finally got him down and started hitting him on the forehead with some square metal object, just kept pounding away... I felt bad because although we had kidnapped his kids it wasn't really that important to us, but I had to stop him and eventually either knocked him out or killed him, I wasn't sure... but he stopped moving...
3) Last night I dreamed, shit, what was it... oh yeah, I was hanging out with WestCoastGold, oh, this is good... yeah, so I was hanging out with her because she was going to buy this new house and wanted to show me... so her son was with us and he was going on about something, kept asking if he needed "cups" and I was all like, what the fuck dude, and he was saying that kids were making fun of him and thought that he might need cups, and I finally asked him what he was talking about and he pointed to his chest and I thought, oh, he has like puffy nipples or something, it happens to boys sometimes, they go away (never happened to me, for the record, but anyway) so I just laughed and told him it weren't no big deal and he pulls up his shirt and he actually had little boobs and he said, you don't think I need cups? and I was all like, WHOA!!! and his mom was standing there and I told him that it was probably because he had been breast feeding for so long and maybe it was time he stopped... he looked sad... anyhow, we went into the house, and it was very nice, lace curtains and stuff, and WCG was telling me it was owned by this nice old black couple, and they didn't want to sell it to a white girl, and we laughed and I said how ironic it was that she was so down with the brothers and this black couple didn't want to sell to her, she agreed... so I went out back and there were some people hanging out on the stoop or something so I sat down with them and this big cat kept coming up to me and I kept pushing it away and there was this old indian dude sitting there and someone gave me some scissors and they had some and they would click the scissors at me and I would click mine back and depending on how you did it it meant that you knew someone that had just got a haircut, so they passed the scissors to the indian and I clicked mine at him and he just smiled, so I did it again, and he just looked at me and smiled, and I started trying to explain the game to him but he didn't understand me and I didn't really understand the game well enough either, so I just stopped and sat there...
That was about it for my dreams recently... well, except for this quick little dream I had where my lovely wife was wearing this slinky dress, it was black and it had no shoulders or sleeves, you know, just came up over the boobs and left everything above it bare... she was turning around and around showing me the dress, she would turn her back to me and her ass was all like BAM!!! and her shoulders looked all soft and white, then she would turn sideways and I would get this killer profile shot and it was SOOO hot, then she would turn back facing me and her the dress was all hugging her hips and her boobs were all looking ripe and luscious and I was all like GODDAMN!!! she was like glowing and I thought my heart was going to burst... HOT HOT HOT!!!
That's all I got...
posted by Catfish at 8:56 AM
<< Home