Me and my Monkey hate to commute, and I got pierced
It was a dark and stormy night and my monkey was howling. Actually is was a dark and stormy week and my monkey had been howling for a while. Friggin' goddamn howler monkey been whispering in my ear (it was loud in my head, at least his message was) and I was starting to listen. Damn, I missed that dude!
Anyhow, he was telling me things and I was starting to really want to hear them, because they made sense, you see, lots and lots of sense. I was waking up and remembering things. Not the time travel kind of remembering things when you did that one thing that one time and it takes you back, not really, but kinda just like that. He reminded me of who I used to be, and what I used to want out of life, and the dreams and aspirations I had had once upon a time. He was constantly putting these thoughts in my head and it was causing me to question damn near everything.
Damn near everything...
It was sad, and it was exciting at the same time. It was inspirational and awe inspiring, man, I used to ROCK! It was depression and disheartening, man, look at what I have become. I still blame it all on customer service... but I will probably get back to that.
Jebus had his hands on me also. There was no fight between my monkey and my man, it was all copacetic. Looking at it with a critical eye (because I always look back and wonder about things) it is as if my monkey was putting thoughts in my head and Jesus (or his dad) was slapping me in the face. Each step of the way, and it wasn't always obvious at the time, but looking back, there were spiritual ninja kicks to my brain balls (I don't know) reinforcing the thoughts I was having and the actions I was starting to take.
For example, I had to go and do this thing for work, I am still not really sure the point of it except for getting more people enjoying the kool-aid, but doing that in itself was a kick in the nads, and again, looking back, it was as if the hand of god threw me in there like a knuckle-ball into the mitt of fate. I came out very self aware and ready to kick some ass. I also came out realizing there was a lot of ass to kick and I didn't really want to travel into that battlefield.
So, anyway, I came out of it all pumped up and wanting to kick someones ass and needing a haircut (really) and thinking about how my wife told me about this tattoo parlor that did haircuts and I thought, you know what, I need my damn haircut and I need to pierce my nipple. Now... Tonight!!! And it was like I was being guided by a firm hand on my back, pushing me in the right direction *see, monkey making me want to do something crazy and my man sending me in the right direction, it was perfect. And 20 years in the making.
So there I GO, I tell my lovely wife I am going to get my haircut and probably my nipple pierced and she was all for it, go and do you thing, I think is what she said.
So, it was like this:
Monkey says: Better stop at the liquor store first.
My Man says: You should get some money out of the cash machine.
Monkey says: Better get a shitload.
My Man says: Good idea.
Monkey says: Get some Wild Turkey for your old lady.
My Man says: Yeah!
Monkey says: Get a little something for yourself and get your ass down to the tattoo place.
My Man was quiet...
So I did, and I did, and I went walking in and I am all like, HEY! I want to get my haircut and pierced, who wants to go first. The barber chick was hella preggers and said the piercing dude wasn't there but she could cut my hair. So I got my haircut... some story, huh?
Hold On! So the piercer might be at the other parlor, you want me to call? Yeah. Ok. So she calls and he IS there and she says, OK, I am sending you a nipple... She tells me where it is and I bust a move. It's only about 8 miles away on the same street, so I head out as fast as I can, being safe, of course... Yada yada yada and the dude tells me to take a deep breathe and to exhale and then I saw stars and felt a tug for a second and it was done and I was bleeding like a motherfucker and it didn't even hurt. Oh, and he gave me some stickers.
My monkey also pointed out to me that WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? a couple days later and punched me in the stomach and made me puke at the bus stop. He did this a couple times before I got the hint that I really hated riding the bus for 2 hours each morning and dealing with hideously insane people on a daily basis. I sucked it up for a couple days, but one day I couldn't take it any more.
I got off the bus downtown and puked as soon as the bus pulled away. It was rainy and cold and the insane dude was walking around the parking lot. He actually came and sat down in the shelter and started talking some crap of some sort, and I was within 30 seconds of convincing myself to catch the next bus home when my bus showed up. I got on, kinda depressed about the whole thing and feeling oogy, and at every stop I heard this screaming in my head to get off the bus, get off the bus, get off the bus. Yes, no, yes, no... Finally we were at the last Seattle stop, all the way up to the U district, and I got off. I got off and puked in the bus shelter, then I called in sick... Then I felt so much better. Incredibly better. Fantastic, actually.
OH, I hate my job! No, I thought about it, actually, I hate going IN to my job, if I could do it from home everything would be cool.
Anyhow, he was telling me things and I was starting to really want to hear them, because they made sense, you see, lots and lots of sense. I was waking up and remembering things. Not the time travel kind of remembering things when you did that one thing that one time and it takes you back, not really, but kinda just like that. He reminded me of who I used to be, and what I used to want out of life, and the dreams and aspirations I had had once upon a time. He was constantly putting these thoughts in my head and it was causing me to question damn near everything.
Damn near everything...
It was sad, and it was exciting at the same time. It was inspirational and awe inspiring, man, I used to ROCK! It was depression and disheartening, man, look at what I have become. I still blame it all on customer service... but I will probably get back to that.
Jebus had his hands on me also. There was no fight between my monkey and my man, it was all copacetic. Looking at it with a critical eye (because I always look back and wonder about things) it is as if my monkey was putting thoughts in my head and Jesus (or his dad) was slapping me in the face. Each step of the way, and it wasn't always obvious at the time, but looking back, there were spiritual ninja kicks to my brain balls (I don't know) reinforcing the thoughts I was having and the actions I was starting to take.
For example, I had to go and do this thing for work, I am still not really sure the point of it except for getting more people enjoying the kool-aid, but doing that in itself was a kick in the nads, and again, looking back, it was as if the hand of god threw me in there like a knuckle-ball into the mitt of fate. I came out very self aware and ready to kick some ass. I also came out realizing there was a lot of ass to kick and I didn't really want to travel into that battlefield.
So, anyway, I came out of it all pumped up and wanting to kick someones ass and needing a haircut (really) and thinking about how my wife told me about this tattoo parlor that did haircuts and I thought, you know what, I need my damn haircut and I need to pierce my nipple. Now... Tonight!!! And it was like I was being guided by a firm hand on my back, pushing me in the right direction *see, monkey making me want to do something crazy and my man sending me in the right direction, it was perfect. And 20 years in the making.
So there I GO, I tell my lovely wife I am going to get my haircut and probably my nipple pierced and she was all for it, go and do you thing, I think is what she said.
So, it was like this:
Monkey says: Better stop at the liquor store first.
My Man says: You should get some money out of the cash machine.
Monkey says: Better get a shitload.
My Man says: Good idea.
Monkey says: Get some Wild Turkey for your old lady.
My Man says: Yeah!
Monkey says: Get a little something for yourself and get your ass down to the tattoo place.
My Man was quiet...
So I did, and I did, and I went walking in and I am all like, HEY! I want to get my haircut and pierced, who wants to go first. The barber chick was hella preggers and said the piercing dude wasn't there but she could cut my hair. So I got my haircut... some story, huh?
Hold On! So the piercer might be at the other parlor, you want me to call? Yeah. Ok. So she calls and he IS there and she says, OK, I am sending you a nipple... She tells me where it is and I bust a move. It's only about 8 miles away on the same street, so I head out as fast as I can, being safe, of course... Yada yada yada and the dude tells me to take a deep breathe and to exhale and then I saw stars and felt a tug for a second and it was done and I was bleeding like a motherfucker and it didn't even hurt. Oh, and he gave me some stickers.
My monkey also pointed out to me that WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING? a couple days later and punched me in the stomach and made me puke at the bus stop. He did this a couple times before I got the hint that I really hated riding the bus for 2 hours each morning and dealing with hideously insane people on a daily basis. I sucked it up for a couple days, but one day I couldn't take it any more.
I got off the bus downtown and puked as soon as the bus pulled away. It was rainy and cold and the insane dude was walking around the parking lot. He actually came and sat down in the shelter and started talking some crap of some sort, and I was within 30 seconds of convincing myself to catch the next bus home when my bus showed up. I got on, kinda depressed about the whole thing and feeling oogy, and at every stop I heard this screaming in my head to get off the bus, get off the bus, get off the bus. Yes, no, yes, no... Finally we were at the last Seattle stop, all the way up to the U district, and I got off. I got off and puked in the bus shelter, then I called in sick... Then I felt so much better. Incredibly better. Fantastic, actually.
OH, I hate my job! No, I thought about it, actually, I hate going IN to my job, if I could do it from home everything would be cool.
Labels: howler monkey, NaNoWriMo, sick
posted by Catfish at 8:17 AM
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