I know what hands are for, and I'd like to help myself

1 week later. I haven't shaved since my last day at work, and look what I have accomplished. Coming in nicely, don't you think?
Today, the house is quiet. Took the girls to school, all of them. The little viking, for her it is just another day. The Noner and the lovely wife, they are going to the Nutcracker for a field trip. So the house is mine.
And I got nothing... Oh, I will do my exercises, you know, but beyond that... eh... I will study up on website building, maybe hit the liquor store and make some liquer with Vodka and dried berries... but beyond that I got no plans. Sigh... Big Sigh...

That is the problem with me, I think... I never know what to do with myself, given ultimate freedom and resources. And I recognize this, and it sends me into a tailspin, you know, thinking that I can do anything I want, so I should do something, but I don't know what to do, so maybe I should do this, or maybe I should do that and pretty soon I don't do anything, which then turns into paranoia and franticness... I think I will start with some coffee. Brb!!!
OK, the coffee is brewing... Ahh, it is done...
I think I will go take a shower and force myself into action... maybe I can find a bank being robbed and step in to save the day. Or some orphans, doing some sort of pitiful orphan thing, and this time I won't turn my back on them, but logically explain to them how I am a man of limited resources, and although I feel for them (I really do) I just don't know what kind of difference I can make in their lives. Or a lonely supermodel, who thinks they are getting too old, being 23 and all, and are thinking of packing it in, maybe I can find one of those and sit down and have a heart to heart, explain what a difference they make it everyone's lives, how people need beauty and representation for the products they don't know they need yet. Convince her that maybe if she just lost a couple more pounds rubbed coco butter all over her body 3 times a day, that she could probably go on for another couple years. I know I can help her, having been there myself... and I know how hard it is to get the coco butter ALL over your body, so I will offer to help her, all she needs to do it sit back and relax and let me take care of everything... She may not be comfortable with this so I will explain to her, I will say, look, my wife, she is a pianist, and she has fantastic hands and a light touch, how about this, how about if I keep the coco butter warm and you let my wife rub it all over your body, but I will say it real convincing like and I will even offer to videotape it, you know, so in case she forgets how or my wife isn't available, she can watch the video to make sure whoever ends up doing it, you know, does it right... but we will need to tape it at least 6 or 7 times to establish a baseline, you dig, a commonality, so to speak, and I will compile all the hours of footage into a nice manageable piece and, of course, hold on to it for her so she doesn't lose it...
Whoa... ok, so lets pretend, for just a moment, that what is actually happening there is that Neko Case is the one that needs the coco butter rubbed all over her, and Christina Ricci just happens to owe me a favor, right, so what would need to happen is first my wife would need to rub Christina down, so she understands the drill, then Christina would need to rub Neko down, and my wife would assist her the first few times, to make sure she is doing it right, and I would do a behind the scenes kinda "making of" type video, and hijinks would ensue and the girls would turn on me and they would all end up rubbing me down and tickling me and wrestling with me and we would laugh and laugh...
Ok, so I think I will do that last thing... Banks are boring and Orphans, well, not much I can do about them...
I think, as a man, a caring man, you have to do the right thing. Focus on the positive. Think about what is best for the common good of everyone. Saving a bank from being robbed, eh, maybe a couple people would say nice things about that. Talking to orphans, yeah, maybe a grandma or two would throw me a cookie... But videotaping 3 beautiful woman rubbing oil all over each other, hell, I think the world would give me a collective cheer and pat on the back for that. THAT, my friends, is what I live for... Atta Boy, Catfish... Atta Boy!!!