Ok, so I will be documenting my adventures in unemployment. See that picture? That's me, on day 1 of not being actively employed (although it's Saturday and I wouldn't usually work on Saturday).

So to start, let me tell you about my last day...

So I went in like usual, full of fantasies of what might happen... Imaginations of parties and tributes, a last minute reprieve, maybe some extra cash thrown my way to get me through. I don't know, I think I was really hoping that the day would just bust on through and I could get the hell out of there with some extra cash in my pocket

When I got in I told them about 2 of my fantasies:

• That it would be like the end of Charlie and the Chocolate Factory and all of a sudden they would all gather around me and say "Congratulations!!! You did it!!! You are the boy we have been looking for, this is all yours, you won Catfish, you won!!!"


• That there would be a present on my desk, or presented to me at lunch, of an X-box 360 Elite so I could spend the next month fucking around playing games and would finally earn the respect of my boss.

Thos are the one I could tell them at work. There were a couple others, mostly involving getting a going away BJ in the level 3 parking garage or other random tributes of a horny nature... I didn't mention those at work.

So there were a lot of goodbyes, some hugs, some handshakes... had to sit through my last overly long boring meeting, got to freak out the dude that sits next to me by telling him I was sick and had breathed all over his stuff while he was away, shit like that.

They took my to lunch, went to the Owl and Thistle, had a Ruben and a Guinness with a Wild Turkey on the side (ahhhhh). We got to shoot the shit for a while, it was cool. Went back to the office and people starting parading by my desk to say goodbye. The prototype for my imaginary secret Canadian Girlfriend came by. She had been out to lunch with someone else and heard I was getting laid off so came in to say howdy/goodbye. She gave me a nice hug.

So as a prototype, here is what she offered to the imaginary part of the Secret Canadian Girlfriend theme.

1. She is Canadian


2. She is pixieish


3. She wears those high boots that I find so hot for some reason


4. Is aware of the Tragically HIp and other Canadian music
   

Thats about it... in my imagination she is still a little pixy fairy, but about 6 inches taller and worships me and I am in a poly-amorous relationship but only in the way that I get to have horny times with other people and my wife doesn't, except with my imaginary secret Canadian girlfriend or Johhny Depp.

ANYHOW...

I sent out the touchy feely goodbye email, did the goodbye walk around the office, people expressed regret, I expressed regret, I didn't get an X-Box or any other tribute, and I left.

I left about an hour early. I left about an hour early and it was cold out and any bus that would get me home wouldn't be showing up for about an hour... Cold? I meant it was goddamn friggin' cold out... damn... I sat there, shivering and unemployed. There ain't much more to it...

BUT THERE IS MORE!!!

Let me tell you, in all the jobs I have gotten laid off from or otherwise left, never before had there been such an outpouring of niceness and affection. Everyone expressed regret, from the top on down. Everyone had something nice to say and was truly caring and shit... I mean, people have said goodbye and goodluck before, but never on such a large scale... I was touched.

And as I was walking out the door, I waved goodbye to HR... and they stopped me. The head of HR, you know what she said? She said "Enjoy your winter break" and I said "BREAK!?! Is this just a "break"?" and she was like, "Yup" and I said "Sweet, see ya in January" and she said "yes you will"... and I am not making that up... So apparently I will be back there so I just need to chill out for a month... YAY for me!!!

What a boring post, but hell, it's just day 1 and I'm a little rusty... I got more to say, on a daily basis... I think tomorrow I will tell you about how I plan to fill my month...

Let me leave you with this:
I was telling my old lady last night that I had plans, and she said not to put too much into my plans, 'cause you know what they say about God and plans, and I said, every time you make a plan God kills a kitten? and she says, No, every time you make a plan God laughs and I said Oh, that's right, it's Every time you listen to Josh Groban God kills a kitten and she said I was right... heh...