Aaarrghghg...
There ARE no Narwhals in the Puget Sound, nor are there any unicorns in the genral vicinity either. There are NO rainbows or fluffy bunnies or bluebirds floating around the 8th floor of the building on Western Avenue across from Ivars.
There are unhappy little monkeys, but they are not my monkeys, not naturally. They are not howler monkeys trying to climb out my butt and make a fuss... NO, I wish!!! No, these are other peoples foul little howler shit throwing monkies that are all gathered around, waiting, lined up and waiting turns to make a run for my ass...
I do not want other peoples howler monkeys flying UP (INTO) my butt...
I was sitting here this morning, right, and this dude who is in charge of me came in with a santa cap on, but it was one of those Dr. Seuss caps that kinda twirled up to a ball. He is sitting there with the puffy ball bouncing around, just visible above the cubicle I call home... he says to me, he says: Hey Catfish, listen to this email we got from your gal XXX...
I was all like, sweet, she loves me... then he read the most horrible email I have heard in a long time and it was sent to the PRESIDENT of the friggin company and it made long wild extended accusations about all sorts of shit... I had no idea what she was talking about, except for the part where she says I have been great...
So this email is floating around and there are groups of people, in 2's and 3's, gathering together in little huddles to discuss what's up and what should be up and what should have and what should have and my role and your role and aaaarrrrghhghghg....
If I had a whiteboard (like I asked for) I would make a list of things I need to do, except I woudln't, because I would be constantly erasing it and rewriting it because some new fucking thing has popped up that needs to bump the first couple things down, until later when someone asks me why the fuck #3 hasn't been taken care of yet, and I would point to #1 and #2 and then have to change them again because suddenly they ain't so important or they ARE still important but I am telling you to put #3 up to #1 so take care of #2 and #3 which used to be #1 and #2 ASAP and when do you think you can let me have a look at #4 and Oh, someone else just came over, with just a little bit more clout, but with a silly request that needs to be paid attention to for a couple hours until he forgets he asked for it in the first place...
So I drank a lo-carb monster energy drink and I feel like I am about to crawl out of my skin because I exceeded my threshold for caffeine compared to any meds I might take to take care of the silly uncomfortable malady I have, but goddamn if I don't just want to rip the top layer or 2 of skin off my legs right now... and my arms...
And the meds, the ones that don't do anything, they make me sleepy at times, so I need to move anyhow...
Somebody find me a puppy or something that will lick my hand... and I will pet it and everything will be just fine again... all I need it to pet something... or be petted... how about a nice slap on the ass and an ATTA BOY... GoddamnIT!!!!!!!!
There are unhappy little monkeys, but they are not my monkeys, not naturally. They are not howler monkeys trying to climb out my butt and make a fuss... NO, I wish!!! No, these are other peoples foul little howler shit throwing monkies that are all gathered around, waiting, lined up and waiting turns to make a run for my ass...
I do not want other peoples howler monkeys flying UP (INTO) my butt...
I was sitting here this morning, right, and this dude who is in charge of me came in with a santa cap on, but it was one of those Dr. Seuss caps that kinda twirled up to a ball. He is sitting there with the puffy ball bouncing around, just visible above the cubicle I call home... he says to me, he says: Hey Catfish, listen to this email we got from your gal XXX...
I was all like, sweet, she loves me... then he read the most horrible email I have heard in a long time and it was sent to the PRESIDENT of the friggin company and it made long wild extended accusations about all sorts of shit... I had no idea what she was talking about, except for the part where she says I have been great...
So this email is floating around and there are groups of people, in 2's and 3's, gathering together in little huddles to discuss what's up and what should be up and what should have and what should have and my role and your role and aaaarrrrghhghghg....
If I had a whiteboard (like I asked for) I would make a list of things I need to do, except I woudln't, because I would be constantly erasing it and rewriting it because some new fucking thing has popped up that needs to bump the first couple things down, until later when someone asks me why the fuck #3 hasn't been taken care of yet, and I would point to #1 and #2 and then have to change them again because suddenly they ain't so important or they ARE still important but I am telling you to put #3 up to #1 so take care of #2 and #3 which used to be #1 and #2 ASAP and when do you think you can let me have a look at #4 and Oh, someone else just came over, with just a little bit more clout, but with a silly request that needs to be paid attention to for a couple hours until he forgets he asked for it in the first place...
So I drank a lo-carb monster energy drink and I feel like I am about to crawl out of my skin because I exceeded my threshold for caffeine compared to any meds I might take to take care of the silly uncomfortable malady I have, but goddamn if I don't just want to rip the top layer or 2 of skin off my legs right now... and my arms...
And the meds, the ones that don't do anything, they make me sleepy at times, so I need to move anyhow...
Somebody find me a puppy or something that will lick my hand... and I will pet it and everything will be just fine again... all I need it to pet something... or be petted... how about a nice slap on the ass and an ATTA BOY... GoddamnIT!!!!!!!!
Labels: ATTA BOY
posted by Catfish at 12:06 PM
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