I was first attracted by your scent, Your heart must be a caramelized onion

Dude,
I had some strange dreams last night, I don't really remember them much, except that at one point I was that dude in Scrubs, the main dude, you know... and Carla had lost her top and didn't realize it and was at a dinner party... You know what sucked though? I couldn't see her boobs, it was like they were edited out for public viewing, like she was behind a plant or a waiter was going by...
Then I was in this pool and I was swimming under water and it was tons of fun and there were people all over and I think I was supposed to be doing something or other, like there was a purpose, but the purpose wasn't clear so I just gave up and ended up getting on this raft and was floating around and ended up floating over to my niece (adult niece on my wife's side) and I thought it was interesting that she was hanging out with us, and even stranger that SHE WAS TOPLESS. So my raft floated over to hers and I was all like, playing it cool, like, hey, how ya' doin? and she was all like fine, and she asked me what I was doing and I told her, you know, I was just hanging out, and I think I was making her uncomfortable, and I was trying to not look at her boobs AND check them out at the same time, but I couldn't see them, again, it was like they were edited for content or something...
I feel totally cheated, you know, dreaming about half naked chicks but not actually seeing them naked... Totally cheated... I should sue... I am going to start a website and champion this cause... some people can rail against people who talk on cellphones, some people about people who don't get out of the "FAST" lane (Dammit, there ain't no such thing as a fast lane and it is not MY responsibility to get out of YOUR WAY just because you want to drive like an asshole, and besides, there is someone if front of ME!!! so get off my ass... GOOSHHHHH)... Me, I am going to rail against whoever it is that is supposed to be supplying me with dreams of naked women but won't let me see anything... it's a total crock, very likely a violation to my civil rights, at the very least a cruel and malicious prank... It is my privilege as an American citizen to not only dream of naked boobs but ALSO SEE THEM... Anyone's boobs... even people who don't have boobs... I mean, what the hell, am I crazy here? Did I miss something? Was there some sort of amendment to the friggin' constitution that I wasn't aware of? I mean, come on!!!
DAMN!!!
Last week was so strange... I went from potentially having a new job here, to thinking I was gonna get fired to not getting fired and deciding I didn't want the new job here...
The new job, looking back, this is how it was described: We want you to work a ton more hours, doing shit you will not enjoy, go to school to get some skills, the kind of skills that would pay you a lot of money, if you worked somewhere else, but not here, because it is lateral and you will not get a bump...
At first I was all like, HEY, THAT SOUNDS SWELL!!! Then I pulled my head out of my ass...
I told them NO!!! Besides, my boss and my bosses boss think I am the Cat's Meow... Like if I say I think we should do something they say, HEY CATFISH, THAT's A GREAT IDEA!!!
Or, HEY CATFISH, YOU GOT SKILLS AND WE ALL WANT TO HUMP YOU BUT IN THE MEANTIME CAN YOU FIGURE OUT XXX... stuff like that... it's sweet... I was actually kinda looking forward to coming in to work today... Kinda, I mean, shoot, it's still work... but I like it here...
I have this theory that there is some sort of center downtown where everyone is super attractive, and the closer you get to this center the better and better looking everyone starts getting... and we here are kinda on maybe the 3rd ring out from the luscious gooey center of hawtness... still a bit of ugly floating about, but not much... Sometimes I see these people walking around outside like they are on a break from their job or something but I look at them and I am all like, DAMN!!! what kind of job do they have where they get to look so fantastic and shit... Like they are all liquor add models or something... Even the bums look fantastic... you feel bad giving them anything smaller than a 10, you know, cause anything they would need would probably be pretty pricey and you don't want them to look down their noses at you when you drop a buck into their hands... Oh, the rent a cops are still mostly ugly... and the tourists, they are kinda sloppy looking... heh... kind of like the kettle calling the pot black, eh??? Anyhow...
I saw this sign on this door yesterday, said something about being careful because the door "swings both ways"... I thought that was pretty funny... OH, and I had corned beef hash for breakfast at this restaurant, I was kinda not sure if I should or not, wasn't sure how they made it, it could be all funky or something, so I asked the waitress how was the hash and she said it was out of a can, I started salivating right there and then, I ordered it up and couldn't wait for it to come... it was fantastic... only way it could have been better would have been if I had some uncle dans dressing to put on it... I signed the credit card receipt "RALPH"...