Big Blue Spanish Sky... or, spellcheck is for pusses...
I was outside yesterday and I heard this screaming, you know, and it was all like, NO NO NO... and then I heard this Yipe Yipe Yipe... and then it was all like gibber jabber gibber jabber... then I heard SPARKY SPARKY SPARKY... and I realized that the NO NO NO I heard was actually in SPANISH... and I though, damn, that's kinda hot...
I closed my eyes (ojo's) just a little bit (un poco, yo) and I imagined it was what's her name, Salma Hayek, and she was naked and there was some other shit happening to account for the yipping, and she was calling me Sparky, which in spanish was something really really hot, the kinda hot that you get embarassed saying in front of anyone because guys would call you a puss but be secretly envious and girls would act all shocked but then be all secrectly wondering how you knew about that... and then the NO NO NO was all like because I was doing something nasty but she really really liked but had to pretend she didn't but I was supposed to understand that she was just saying that and I wasn't supposed to really stop and my not stopping in no way constituted a breach of trust and/or really crossing the line... it was super... and I was FANTASTIC... it smelt of cocoa butter... or coco butter... whatever the stuff that is in tanning lotion and you smell on super hot chicks in bikinis when they pass by you without even bothering to glance in your direction, or you are just friends, which is even worse...
but then I opened my eyes and it was just a hispanic mother of 3 and she was yelling at her dog and popping him on the head because the poor dog was trying to get away from a hispanic mother of 3 that was yelling at him... total deal breaker there, I tell you... and it was sad, because they had to chase the dog down so they could pop him on the head and yell at him, then they would put him down and he would run away and they would have to chase him down again and pop him on the head and I don't think he even understands spanish much less why his life sucks so hard... I guess one way of looking at it is that he probably won't live too long so the suffering will be minimal... or... or he will get really good at hiding and living off of garbage and stuff and one day some kind ukrainian (uh, Russian) family will be walking by and he will be all like, OH, I understand them and he will come out and live happily ever after, or at least understand (finally) why he is getting popped on the noggin... sweet...
I closed my eyes (ojo's) just a little bit (un poco, yo) and I imagined it was what's her name, Salma Hayek, and she was naked and there was some other shit happening to account for the yipping, and she was calling me Sparky, which in spanish was something really really hot, the kinda hot that you get embarassed saying in front of anyone because guys would call you a puss but be secretly envious and girls would act all shocked but then be all secrectly wondering how you knew about that... and then the NO NO NO was all like because I was doing something nasty but she really really liked but had to pretend she didn't but I was supposed to understand that she was just saying that and I wasn't supposed to really stop and my not stopping in no way constituted a breach of trust and/or really crossing the line... it was super... and I was FANTASTIC... it smelt of cocoa butter... or coco butter... whatever the stuff that is in tanning lotion and you smell on super hot chicks in bikinis when they pass by you without even bothering to glance in your direction, or you are just friends, which is even worse...
but then I opened my eyes and it was just a hispanic mother of 3 and she was yelling at her dog and popping him on the head because the poor dog was trying to get away from a hispanic mother of 3 that was yelling at him... total deal breaker there, I tell you... and it was sad, because they had to chase the dog down so they could pop him on the head and yell at him, then they would put him down and he would run away and they would have to chase him down again and pop him on the head and I don't think he even understands spanish much less why his life sucks so hard... I guess one way of looking at it is that he probably won't live too long so the suffering will be minimal... or... or he will get really good at hiding and living off of garbage and stuff and one day some kind ukrainian (uh, Russian) family will be walking by and he will be all like, OH, I understand them and he will come out and live happily ever after, or at least understand (finally) why he is getting popped on the noggin... sweet...
posted by Catfish at 9:16 PM
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