Unicorns are gay, believe it or not!!!

So I was picking some of the last wild flowers for the year, you know, to press in my memories book, when this unicorn came walkin' up to me. Dudem, he was wicked drunk and he was trampling all over the flowers I was trying to pick...
I tried to ignore him, but he just stood there swayin' back and forth and looking down at the flowers then back to me then back to the flowers...
He finally made eye contact with me (dammit) and he said:
"I'm drunk!"
I was all like, no shit... but it came out like:
"Yeah???"
and he nodded his head and said something like yep or something...
Then he let this big fart, but it was all chunky and he got some dingle berries in his tail and I was all like:
"Jesus Christ!!! What have you been eating?!?" 'cause it was all stinky and chunky...
He kinda raised his head and said:
"HEY!!!" then he laughed and said "heh, HEY... HAY... HEY HAY, HEY HAY HAY..." and laughed and laughed and laughed and then puked all over the flowers I was trying to pick.
"Whoa..." he said, then started laughing again... "HEH, WHOA!!!"
I started walking away and the Unicorn screamed at me:
"Don't you want your flowers?!?!"
"Not after you just puked all over them!"
"There's nothing wrong with these flowers!" he said and started eating them... I couldn't believe it, but you know, I really could, 'cause Unicorns are gross evil creatures anyhow...
He came walking up to me and was waiving his horn in my face and started talking all sorts of shit...
"Unicorns aren't gay, you know..." he told me... "We really aren't. In fact, I don't know 1 gay unicorn! We be all about the ladies, you know what I mean?"
I was all like: "Dude, Unicorns are SOOO gay!!!"
and he was all like: "No, really, we aren't... You know what else??? Rainbows! Rainbows aren't gay either! You know why everyone thinks Rainbows are gay? It's because of the people that go searching for the pot of gold at the end. The pot of gold is owned by Leprichauns, and Leprichauns are total homo's!!! They have these big ol' pots with a little bit of gold at the bottom and when you bend over to grab the gold they sneak up behind you and totally force buttsex on you. Well, maybe they ain't completely gay, maybe they just like the back door action, you know, 'cause they do it to women too...".
Then he puked again... I thought about leaving but this was way too fascinating, so I stuck around.
"You know what? Women who drive Buick LeSabre convertables. All of them, total dykes.
He started going off at that point, into places I didn't want to be... and he stunk and I had a feeling that there was something going on anyhow, in the gay world, where they were trying to appropriate everything for themselves...
But then I started thinking, you know, I bet that is what that Unicorn wanted me to think... I mean really, Unicorns are totally gay, and not in one of those, "oh, that's totally gay!" kinda ways, but in one of those "all unicorns are total fags" kinda ways...
Then I got all confused, because there was nothing inherently evil about being gay, there were just some evil gay people... and I like most gay people.
So I went over to see my Narwhal friend and I told him about it and he was all like: "Dude! Pull your head out of your Ass! Of course he was fuckin' with you. Unicorns are of the Devil, and they are total homo's. And Rainbows are too! And chicks that drive Buick LeSabre convertibles. All that stuff is gay."
And I knew he was right, 'cause we had been friends for so long, you know, we could be totally honest with each other. Besides, Narwhals are straight shooters.

*********
So I went in for my sleep study last week... Thursday of last week... not I have to wait for 2 weeks for the dr. to look over the results and see if there is anything else wrong with me besides the RLS thing. It was interesting but I won't bore you the general details since all I really did was go in, get a bunch of wires hooked up to me and then went to sleep.
I will mention, that when you get there they measure your head and stuff and make marks all over your body with a red grease pen, then attach the electrods with a bunch of gloppy glue, then watch every move you make with a camera that can see in the dark...
I was only aware of a little bit of this when I started bein' all smooth up on the technician the next morning, like I do, you know, while she was plucking all the wires off... After she left I went into the bathroom and my hair was all over the place and I had red marks all over my face from the grease pen and globs of glue all over my face and I am pretty sure I smelled like hell from general morning odor type shit... damn...