How it went down that Catfish is gettin' laid off...

So it went down like this... Ok, so this chick, she got laid off a couple days ago. I was standing down the hall there, you know, just chillin' and I see her walking towards me and there were a couple of us standing there, and she was crying and I was all like, oh shit, but there was nowhere to hide...
So she says: I just got fired. They FIRED me!!! and everyone was all like Wha-wha-what?!?! and in the ensuing confusion I slipped away, didn't want it to rub off on me...
I talked about it with a couple co-workers and we were all shocked...
I got on the IM with my boss that night and asked him if he knew that was going to happen and he said yeah, he knew for a while it was going to happen... I asked him if I was gonna get fired tomorrow and he said no, not that he could tell me I was if I really was, and shit like that...
So I was sitting on the bus the next day, thinking about what I would do if I got canned and was gonna do this big piece about how I had this offer once that I hadn't told anyone about, about how this dude wanted to take me under his wing, franchise out his "business" so to speak, and it was gonna be fuckin' hilarious... all about being a pimp and taking over this dudes route when he went on vacation this one time and not really getting the hang of it and there was this hooker that was holding out on me and I was gonna have to smack her up and she was gonna be all like, but I had to buy some crack for my poor sick momma who is a crack addict and she is really sick and it ain't for me and if it weren't for my momma you know I would have your money and shit, and I would fall for it and tell her I was sorry her momma was sick and then I was gonna say something about filling out my stable, and how I didn't have any fashion sense so the whores didn't respect me and shit... I had it all planned out...
So I was sitting here, whene I finally got in and was going to write it up and we were chatting about shit when that chick that got fired went walking by and me and my boss were all like, WTF?!?! and we were cool and he called us all into a meeting and wanted to put us at ease, that none of us were going to get let go, it was all over, etc...
So I went about my day, doing my thing, chatting with the boss, doing other shit, etc... business as normal...
Then all of a sudden, but not really, like suddenly... I guess it was more like, so eventually my boss comes over and says, hey, Catfish, I need to talk to you, which is not really that unusual... so I follow him and all of a sudden we are going in "THE ROOM" and I was all like, oh, dude, no... and he just looked real sad and his eyes were all red and then HR comes walking in, and she looks all red in the eyes, and I was all like, Oh Shit... so its over then, is it... and my boss was like, well, yeah, dude, sorry...
See, he didn't even know... I was safe in the morning, but then he got the call that he had to cut one of us, and it was pretty much a random choice, 1 in 3 had to go... had to cut the headcount, you dig... and I understand it perfectly, but that's just 'cause of my random abstract thinking...
So I was all like, well shit, and HR was all like, damn, you are taking it well... and I told them there really wasn't any use fighting it... not like I could change their minds all of a sudden or something...
So they gave me the choice... I could leave immediately and just take my last paycheck and 2 weeks severance... or I could work through the end of the month and get paid through the end, plus my 2 weeks severance...
I decided to stay through the end of the month...
I asked about my vacation time, I got 5 days left and you use them or lose them and HR was all like, well, if you say you are staying you are gonna get paid regardless of you actually being in the building or not... so I will be using some vacation...
I played it super cool, you know, that's the way I roll...
At this point I was going to say something witty about having my vasectomy reversed and freelancing some baby making or something, seein as how I make pretty babies... Dude, then I was wondering what would happen if I went into one of those sperm banks and like, sold some and stuff... how long would it take until they realized I was shootin blanks? Dude, that would be a major scam... heh...
Uhh... so yeah, really though, I am just putting it out there right now, that I am soon to be unemployed and I have tender hands that need a warm indoorsy type job that pays well, but not too soon...