Retrofit the pudding hatch with the boink swatter....

Gordon Downie – Insomniacs of the World, Good Night

I ain't gonna get shit done today...
Sigh...
I had the brightest plans for my day... I was gonna be Mr. Pro-fuckin-ductive...
Now I just want to cut myself... go total emo and cut myself, just a little bit, with a dirty razor, and tell people about it like some little teenage girl and get all my little teenage girl friends to be emo too...
Except that I would first have to probably shave some spot on my body before I did the cutting, and also except for the fact that I don't wanna really cut myself...
I remember waking up once last night, and this is great, I heard this little voice telling me, Daddy, there's a cat on the bed...
And for a second I was all like, man I am so tired I am just gonna let it slide, then it was like I realized, holy shit, there's a cat on the bed and I can't abide by that... so I just started kicking out in the general direction I would assume a cat would be, and I found one and I was all like, YEAH!!! and I kicked out a bit more energetically and, although I doubt I did, I like to imagine that I heard that sound a cat makes when it has been kicked off a bed and goes flying all fearful and smartin' from the force... although I may have dreamed it...
I did dream about cats, kittens, in fact, and I kept having to find this kitten and the girls kept hiding it and I would find it and it would claw me and there was blood and I am pretty sure it was mine and I was po'ed and I finally got it outside and I threw it and I knew it did no good, that as soon as I caught it and threw it it would be right back in the house, so I was sad, and resigned to my fate, just kinda gave up from there... and this is were it gets weird... I drempt at that point that I had fallen asleep on my arms and I couldn't move them and they I was trying to figure out how to roll over but I couldn't...
Now, if I believed in voodoo and didn't just use my dreams as alegories or puns or something, whats that word, when you pretend you don't know what you are doing but you really do anyhow, and you pretend you don't know so you can use it to your advantage??? Now if I wasn't (or was, I am kinda confused now) I would say that there is some certain degree of helplessness coming through in my dreams... but maybe I am just saying that, you know, as part of the alegory... pun... shit... metaphor???
I think it is a metaphor for how I dislike generally having the cats in the house and my eyelids are dry and I itch and my nose itches inside...
See how well I am not accomplishing anything today??? This is fun...

and just for the hell of it...

Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo


Vulcanize the whoopee stick
In the ham wallet

Cattle prod the oyster ditch
With the lap rocket

Batter dip the cranny ax
In the gut locker

Retrofit the pudding hatch
Ooh la la
With the boink swatter

If i get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though
I brazillian wax poetic so hypothetically
I don't wanna beat around the bush

Foxtrot Unifrom Charlie Kilo
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Marinate the nether rod
In the squish mitten

Power drill the yippee bog
With the dude piston

Pressure wash the quiver bone
In the bitch wrinkle

Cannonball the fiddle cove
Ooh la la
With the pork steeple

If i get you in the loop when I make a point to be straight with you then
In lieu of the innuendo in the end know my intent though
I brazillian wax poetic so hypothetically
I don't wanna beat around the bush

Foxtrot Unifrom Charlie Kilo
Foxtrot Uniform Charlie Kilo

Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where
Put the you know what in the you know where pronto