Maybe my monkey... and Jesus

I've been kinda letting my monkey dictate things lately. Oh, and I've been talking to Jesus. They don't seem to be that different from each other. Kinda like peanut butter and jelly, they just go together well, although you can have a jelly sandwich and be just fine, or a spoonfull of peanut butter and also be just fine. But in this case they work together well.
My monkey is telling me to play it all loosey goosey, but has pointed out a few things that I had been ignoring and are subsequently making my life a little flavorful. Flavorful. You know how you like soup, and could eat it every day? Clam Chowder? But then sometime you go someplace and get the clam chowder and it just don't taste right? It's kinda like that. I'm not sure I like the path, but I know it leads to paradise so I am climbing over the slippery slopes and trying to get there.
Jesus is pretty understanding of things. I heard this about him before but never took the initiative (or wanted to) to look into it. He told me once, he said, you know, we are always looking around corners for demons, and inventing corners to look around so we can find the demons. It's no wonder we end up finding 'em. Jesus, he don't talk fancy, just a regular dude. That's what I call him when we are talking, dude.
He is laying it at my feet, and my monkey is picking it up and running with it, so I just kinda go where I am pointed.
There is a bit of unhappiness involved with it, but it isn't a new unhappiness, just a newly recognized pre existing unhappiness. Whew... it coulda' really blown up in my face, you know. Postal. I am letting it out slowly, like letting air out of a balloon. There is a certain relief in it, a lessening of pressure and a realization that I am not really that crazy, just misguided. Damn customer service!

I took a test the other day that was supposed to tell my what type of person I am so I can be prepared to learn about emotional intelligence. I probably shouldn't focus on it, but one of the things it said about me was that I was dependable... and dull. Usually right, also, but really, dependable and dull. That is a winning combination. And I am supposed to learn how to relate to people knowing this about myself?!? That I am dull and dependable, dependable and dull?
Ok, let's focus on my shortcomings for a moment, shall we... ok...
I am:
Slow to get things done
Perfectionist (oh really?)
Withdrawn...
Dull
Sullen
Shy
Passive

And based on being the type of dude I would have typically picked on and given a mental dilema, I am supposed to now learn how to deal with people that are none of these things? Talk about coming up from the bottom... It makes me feel like drop kicking someone (that is probably the monkey speaking, though).
So, let's take a look at my strengths:
Exacting
Thorough (oh really?)
Factual (hardly)
Reserved
Meticulous (HAHAHAHHA)
Practical (Ok, I will give them that one)
Calm (only on the outside, inside I am a volcano, and not the kind surrounded by a stripper college and, uh, a beer volcano, ok, nevermind)
High Standards
Risk Avoider

So, the typical Fonzy type of guy that chicks just dig... I don't think, that based on this description, I could even be in The Revenge of the Nerds. Oh, but maybe I am making too much of this, it was just a test that was supposed to take about 10 minutes to take and I completed in less than 2. My monkey is full of RAGE at this. This is not the person I was always trying to convince people I was not for all those years. Oh, I mean, this is the person I was trying to convince people I was not for all those years. I am (was) a badass! Dirty! Mean! Nasty! Leather jacket and dirty sneakers, punk rock and pot. An almighty individual!!! Dammit!!! Not a dependable desk jockey! I had aspirations beyond this, what the hell happened? Oh... my god... have I accepted this??? Is this what I recognize myself to be? Can I move myself up the graph and be something more than this?

My monkey says yes? Yes, but it will be painful. You could lose your house, and your job, and something something that really matters. Ahhhh, the something something that seems to be slipping away from me, like a distant memory or a love that I don't really remember... something something... there should be something definable there, something to describe as a great loss in my life if I, uh, do something... If this, then that, subsequently... this... Do I really have something to lose?

So check it, if I lost it, lost it all, everything, all the something somethings, I know where I would end up, and you could find me there if you were willing to make the trip. Patagonia! Look it up. I would move to Patagonia, and as much as I would like to be a traveling barber, I think the better choice woule be to open a fish stand, somewhere just outside (right outside) the tourist district. Me and my monkey, hell, we would sell fresh american style deep fried fish and chips. Would probably have to use the fat of baby penguins since I ain't really sure they have pigs down there for the rendering. I hear duck fat is the best for fries... maybe they have ducks... penguins are like ducks, except for the flying and the migrating and shit. Me and my monkey, and Jesus, we would stand there, leaning up against the wooden plank we use to serve the fish on, drinking local beer or some sort of nasty high proof booze that is popular amongst the locals. I will wear one of those hats like the gauchos, some puffy pants and boots made out of baby penguins. I might have to learn some spanish or something, but you know, I can do that. Me and my monkey, and Jesus, would stand there, drinking all day and when someone actually came up to buy some fish and chips I would tell them that it was some sort of local fish that tasted a lot like halibut, but isn't, but tastes just the same anyhow and is a local delicacy, then get them all wasted on the local hooch and charge them some outrages sum of money since the exchange rate is all funky and a billion chilean Peso's is quite resonable for a meal for 2 plus some of my private reserve.
There will be a mighty fight of conscious going on behind me, with my monkey and Jesus duking it out like a little angel and devil on my shoulder, but you know what? I decided today, I am going to be a kind of Hank Williams (Sr.)/Johhny Cash/Willie Nelson kinda christian. Will do all sorts of things that I may regret later, then maybe write a song and go to church and make it all good. I will keep in the back of my mind that maybe what I am doing is not the best thing in the world to do, but I will feel bad about it later so it should all even out... the battle between monkey and Jebus will be a draw.

Or maybe I will go with my original plan and go to Nova Scotia. Wouldn't really have to learn a new language that way, and you know I got the salty sea in my blood. Actually my not so distant relatives were lumber men, but a ways back beyond that they were vikings. So I may just trace my roots back to where my people first came over and did nasty things to the locals, and do nasty things to the locals. Nah... I may just sit on the beach with a pipe and a rusty knife and carve pipes out of driftwood or something. Pile rocks on the beach and eat crab and mussels every day. Nasty life, should teach me some shit, you know.

Somethings gotta break...