Everything counts in large amounts...
Reality is like an anchor hooked in my back... I feel like there is this rope around my chest and I an dragging this big friggin' anchor behind me, you dig, and periodically I get a little slack and can think freely, then the hook digs in and I start spinning around and the little slack I had is smashed to pieces... just when I think I have a handle on it, a firm grasp, so to speak, I find that I am being too tight or focused... so when these little hiccups occur I just get all funky... what am I saying? Hell if I know... just need to shake it off a bit... let my ya-yas out...
***
Lets see...
So xmas is coming and I am starting to get "the fear"...
The fear seems to break down into many different aspects, usually starting out with the feeling that time is slipping away and I have no idea what to do about it... Part of it is that I want to get something nice, but not spend too much money for it, but something that will be appreciated and useful... you dig... that is what xmas is all about, charlie brown...
Mostly I want to get my old lady something special that would get me a pat on the ass... an atta boy... you dig... but then she says she already got her present, and I say the same thing, but that won't stop nothing, eh... and I know that if xmas day came and I didn't have shit to open I would sit there smiling and happy that everyone else was getting shit, but inside I would be all like, you fuckers!!!
And if I took my lovely brides word for it I would find myself on xmas morning with like 50 presents and I would be all like, hey, we said we weren't... or just sit there feeling stupid and like I let her down again... So it is time to tuck my balls in and get down to business...
If anyone has any suggestions this would be a good time to come forward with them... money is no object... as long as you realize that I ain't no millionaire, although I AM a thousandaire (HAHAH damn, were the hell does this shit come from)...
***
I went to the store this weekend, Saturday in fact... and I was walking around, shopping, you know, and I noticed this older dude, gentleman I guess. He was Arab or egyptian or something, but that doesn't really matter, what mattered was his FABULOUS mustache. It was amazing. It was not like some sort of funky kinda design or style or something. It was just a classic mustache, but it was thick and luxurious. It was dark but had some grey streaks running through it. It was fully impressive for some reason, I was all like, wow... So then I saw his son, maybe 12 or 13 or so, and he had the start of a nice mustache on him too... It was cute, skinny little young dude with a dark black strip across his lip. You could tell it would be fabulous also. I was all like, hey, cool, you know...
So I shopped around some more, had to do a couple loops around the store cause I always forget to grab something and by the time I remember I am clear at the other end of the store. Anyhow, I circled around through the Pharmacy, and was passing the meat and cheese and I ran into the dude again, and his son was following, they were just turning the corner towards me, then... and then... there were his daughters... tall and skinny, probably around 13 or 14, I don't know... there were 2 of them though, dark hair, kinda mysterious... then I noticed, HOLY SHIT... they BOTH HAD MUSTACHES ALSO!!!
For real dude, they had these dark mustaches running across their lips... at least as dark and thick as their brothers... I was all like, WTF!!! I was torn, I was thinking, goddamn, they gots to know they are there, unless they don't have mirrors or something, and even if they didn't have mirrors they would still know because every time they put something in their mouth or blew their noses or did whatever other facial functions they would feel it...
On the one hand, it was amazing that this dudes mustache genes crossed over to his whole family, but damn dude, just because you got a rockin' one doesn't mean you should be walking around with pride at your DAUGHTERS mustache... Now I don't know if their momma has a mustache too, or if they don't have a momma and it is just kinda normal in their house that everyone has a mustache... but you would figure that someone would do something about this... I know if my girls were walking around with mustaches I would mention to them that perhaps they should do something about them... like get rid of them...
Oh, that reminds me... for some reason I was sitting on the couch with the girls and they were talking about me shaving or something, and they mentioned something about how girls can shave their legs, and I agreed, told them that yes indeed, girls can shave their legs, then they said something about shaving their faces and how they didn't need to and I was all like, yeah, you probably won't need to, then they said that girls don't need to shave their puddins' and they were all like, yeah, you don't do that or you will get a urinary tract infection... and I was all like, uhhh... and I was all like, hey, some girls shave their puddins', its all cool... I said, some girls shave their legs and their puddins and their armpits and their butts, or something, you know, tried to kinda generalize the whole thing... didn't want to give them some sort of complex or start them out trying to shave theyselves now or something, just conversing... and I was thinking, damn, what kind of conversations do parents have with their kids when it comes to puddins' and shaving and stuff? Like, is there a time when someone is supposed to teach them how to shave their legs? or pits? you know... or will it just come to a time where I started yelling because someones been using my razor and now it is all dull and what the hell is going on?
They I was thinking, you know, I don't really want to know... I would probably give some bad advice or something, you know... in fact, I think I will stop there... Oh, unless they have mustaches, then I will get involved and suggest they do something... not sure what... I guess I should start doing some research on the interweb for female shaving/hair removal techniques...
Uh, oh, I had this dream last night, where I was in this touristy place that had been shut down for the season or something... It was abandoned, one way or another, and I was with these 3 other dudes and we were hiding or something... and we were hiding because 1 of the dudes and done something really bad, and one of the other dudes had done something bad but not as bad... and I was innocent and shit... anyway, we were hiding but not really because the authorities were aware of where we were, and we could move around from place to place a bit but we couldn't leave... its complicated... so we ended up going here and there, kinda random, and I remember the dude that was real bad was laying down this trip about how it wasn't so bad if you had the right attitude and I was trying to agree but realized you would need to have a real fucked up attitude if you wanted to see things that way...
I thought about leaving but one of the cops or whatever said that if I left they would catch me and I would go to jail for a long time, and I said, hey, I didn't do anything, and they said I was guilty by association... So I was pretty much screwed... so somehow I remember trying to figure our how to sneak away, but the cops had these sensors and they could see me in the dark and stuff... So I ended up going into this big old house and there were people in the back yard and I hung with them for a while and then I snuck back into the house and was wandering around with some dude and we found some liquor in the cupboards... and we filled some tiny little glasses and drank them and it was like Ouzo and then the dude I was with started whispering that there was someone coming so we hid the booze... and then something happened, and I was crawling out the window and through some bushes but I noticed that I was not all that sneaky and there was a car on the street with dark windows, and some dude up on the hill with a high powered rifle and then they caught the bad dude and I knew that I was not safe, that they would come looking for me and I was sad because, you know, I hadn't done anything and I was screwed, so I just hid the in bushes and went to sleep... that was about it... Fancy huh...
***
***
Lets see...
So xmas is coming and I am starting to get "the fear"...
The fear seems to break down into many different aspects, usually starting out with the feeling that time is slipping away and I have no idea what to do about it... Part of it is that I want to get something nice, but not spend too much money for it, but something that will be appreciated and useful... you dig... that is what xmas is all about, charlie brown...
Mostly I want to get my old lady something special that would get me a pat on the ass... an atta boy... you dig... but then she says she already got her present, and I say the same thing, but that won't stop nothing, eh... and I know that if xmas day came and I didn't have shit to open I would sit there smiling and happy that everyone else was getting shit, but inside I would be all like, you fuckers!!!
And if I took my lovely brides word for it I would find myself on xmas morning with like 50 presents and I would be all like, hey, we said we weren't... or just sit there feeling stupid and like I let her down again... So it is time to tuck my balls in and get down to business...
If anyone has any suggestions this would be a good time to come forward with them... money is no object... as long as you realize that I ain't no millionaire, although I AM a thousandaire (HAHAH damn, were the hell does this shit come from)...
***
I went to the store this weekend, Saturday in fact... and I was walking around, shopping, you know, and I noticed this older dude, gentleman I guess. He was Arab or egyptian or something, but that doesn't really matter, what mattered was his FABULOUS mustache. It was amazing. It was not like some sort of funky kinda design or style or something. It was just a classic mustache, but it was thick and luxurious. It was dark but had some grey streaks running through it. It was fully impressive for some reason, I was all like, wow... So then I saw his son, maybe 12 or 13 or so, and he had the start of a nice mustache on him too... It was cute, skinny little young dude with a dark black strip across his lip. You could tell it would be fabulous also. I was all like, hey, cool, you know...
So I shopped around some more, had to do a couple loops around the store cause I always forget to grab something and by the time I remember I am clear at the other end of the store. Anyhow, I circled around through the Pharmacy, and was passing the meat and cheese and I ran into the dude again, and his son was following, they were just turning the corner towards me, then... and then... there were his daughters... tall and skinny, probably around 13 or 14, I don't know... there were 2 of them though, dark hair, kinda mysterious... then I noticed, HOLY SHIT... they BOTH HAD MUSTACHES ALSO!!!
For real dude, they had these dark mustaches running across their lips... at least as dark and thick as their brothers... I was all like, WTF!!! I was torn, I was thinking, goddamn, they gots to know they are there, unless they don't have mirrors or something, and even if they didn't have mirrors they would still know because every time they put something in their mouth or blew their noses or did whatever other facial functions they would feel it...
On the one hand, it was amazing that this dudes mustache genes crossed over to his whole family, but damn dude, just because you got a rockin' one doesn't mean you should be walking around with pride at your DAUGHTERS mustache... Now I don't know if their momma has a mustache too, or if they don't have a momma and it is just kinda normal in their house that everyone has a mustache... but you would figure that someone would do something about this... I know if my girls were walking around with mustaches I would mention to them that perhaps they should do something about them... like get rid of them...
Oh, that reminds me... for some reason I was sitting on the couch with the girls and they were talking about me shaving or something, and they mentioned something about how girls can shave their legs, and I agreed, told them that yes indeed, girls can shave their legs, then they said something about shaving their faces and how they didn't need to and I was all like, yeah, you probably won't need to, then they said that girls don't need to shave their puddins' and they were all like, yeah, you don't do that or you will get a urinary tract infection... and I was all like, uhhh... and I was all like, hey, some girls shave their puddins', its all cool... I said, some girls shave their legs and their puddins and their armpits and their butts, or something, you know, tried to kinda generalize the whole thing... didn't want to give them some sort of complex or start them out trying to shave theyselves now or something, just conversing... and I was thinking, damn, what kind of conversations do parents have with their kids when it comes to puddins' and shaving and stuff? Like, is there a time when someone is supposed to teach them how to shave their legs? or pits? you know... or will it just come to a time where I started yelling because someones been using my razor and now it is all dull and what the hell is going on?
They I was thinking, you know, I don't really want to know... I would probably give some bad advice or something, you know... in fact, I think I will stop there... Oh, unless they have mustaches, then I will get involved and suggest they do something... not sure what... I guess I should start doing some research on the interweb for female shaving/hair removal techniques...
Uh, oh, I had this dream last night, where I was in this touristy place that had been shut down for the season or something... It was abandoned, one way or another, and I was with these 3 other dudes and we were hiding or something... and we were hiding because 1 of the dudes and done something really bad, and one of the other dudes had done something bad but not as bad... and I was innocent and shit... anyway, we were hiding but not really because the authorities were aware of where we were, and we could move around from place to place a bit but we couldn't leave... its complicated... so we ended up going here and there, kinda random, and I remember the dude that was real bad was laying down this trip about how it wasn't so bad if you had the right attitude and I was trying to agree but realized you would need to have a real fucked up attitude if you wanted to see things that way...
I thought about leaving but one of the cops or whatever said that if I left they would catch me and I would go to jail for a long time, and I said, hey, I didn't do anything, and they said I was guilty by association... So I was pretty much screwed... so somehow I remember trying to figure our how to sneak away, but the cops had these sensors and they could see me in the dark and stuff... So I ended up going into this big old house and there were people in the back yard and I hung with them for a while and then I snuck back into the house and was wandering around with some dude and we found some liquor in the cupboards... and we filled some tiny little glasses and drank them and it was like Ouzo and then the dude I was with started whispering that there was someone coming so we hid the booze... and then something happened, and I was crawling out the window and through some bushes but I noticed that I was not all that sneaky and there was a car on the street with dark windows, and some dude up on the hill with a high powered rifle and then they caught the bad dude and I knew that I was not safe, that they would come looking for me and I was sad because, you know, I hadn't done anything and I was screwed, so I just hid the in bushes and went to sleep... that was about it... Fancy huh...
***
posted by Catfish at 2:25 PM
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