Friday, June 16, 2006

out for blood...

Dude, ok, so I am going to assume at this point that I have quit smoking. Seeing as how I haven't had one in over a month and have not been tempted and feel no need to go back there I am going to change my nametag to say "former" smoker...
So, since I am going to be making these grand assumptions I am also going to be my own medical advisor, yeah, and stop taking the wellbutrin (should set myself up with some demerol or percacets or adderall, dude, how about a nice cocktail of benzadrine and tylenol 4, twice a day until I am better... much better)...
I am thinking, and have it on good authority, that the wellbutrin makes you crazy... sure, the peaks and valleys may be shaved and filled in, but there is a whole nother (heh, nother) level of crazy that takes its place. This may be a tough weekend, but I think it will be worth it... I have been getting headaches and sharp muscular pains in my upper back and been mental and not been sleeping real good and all sorts of misc shit... so lets see what happens. In the end I will be pure vanilla. White, clean and neat. I hate those people, damn...
**
I found a purse today. Saw it laying there in the parking lot. I got so excited. I imagined all sorts of things I would find in it. A cache of drugs, like a kilo of cocaine, or a big bag full of ecstasy, some vivarin, whatever... Or maybe a couple bundles of 20's... or 50's, real ones, not counterfeits... like $20,000 worth. I figure about 20g's would make things happy (finally happy like we were promised)... Or maybe a golden key, one that would fit that door hidden in the wardrobe, and I could finally go through that door and have it out with Aslan... ASLAN!!! You are WRONG!!! Forgive me Jesus!!! ASLAN!!!
At least, I figured, there would be a wallet with a couple bucks in it, a welfare check and maybe some pictures of some ugly children with "To Auntie with love" written on the back... maybe some naked pictures of someone I really didn't need to see naked, ninja throwing stars, an old set of chopsticks and a book of matches with a fake phone # on them, a pen that doesn't work, socks, an old pack of tissues all frayed around the edges because it has been there for so long.
I picked it up, it was blue, it didnt have a lot of heft to it, but I could feel a little bulk... I looked inside, there were a couple pockets with zippers, I unzipped the zippers, there was nothing, nothing in the bottom, well, maybe some crumbs... I closed the flap and squeezed it again, there was something somewhere, ooh, something hidden, contraband... I checked again and found a zipper on the flap... I slowly unzipped it, pulled the openning open (duh) and looked inside.
Tampons. A handful of Tampons. How...sad. Like that old party balloon laying in the dirt, a lost purse with nothing but tampons in it is kinda, uh, well, I am sure there is a french word for it that means something about anguish and anger and disinterest, all at the same time... that is what it is like...
**
I been sitting here (and there), lookin' phat, smellin' good, package all waiting like a xmas present, and have yet to be licked. You would figure that if you sit in the same spot for long enough, not only would the world pass you by but eventually you would get a lick or two. Me, nothing.
OK, so to up the anty a little bit, let me mention that I put some vanilla extract right their in the tip. Which tip? That is for you to discover. May need to try a few different places until you get the treasure. I have hidden a present for you somewhere on my body... first one to find it wins. Ready? GO!!!
Lend me some sugar, I am your neighbor.
Hey, what, oh, yeah, I'm just happy to see you...
Uh, can I kiss you on the veranda? No? The lips would be fine then...
**
Listen to:
Hoodoo Gurus: Death Defying
Blind Melon: Mouth full of cavities
Bauhaus: Stigmata Martyr (again and again)
BloodHound Gang: Yummy down on this