still spicey...
So I have not been kidnapped yet. Maybe I have the movie wrong? You know what? I bet I have been dumped into some stupid french film. One of those that are a study in tedium. One where I am just kinda moving in slow motion, doing the same thing day after day but the camera keeps doing these fucked up close ups on objects around me that would make a huge change in my life if I just took the time to notice them... there, over there, a $50 bill. Look, over there, a suitcase full of old pictures blah blah... Damn, stupid french bastards.
Screw that... if it is going to go down like that it will be more like Joe vs. the Volcano... I will be Tom Hanks and my old lady can be Meg Ryan and we be in love and jump into the big woo and get blown out of it and the island will sink and we will be stuck in the middle of the ocean and die... Things will get real bad out there and I will let her kill me for food because I wouldn't be able to eat her because she tastes like chicken and I don't eat chicken... and I am so Tasty...
For real, I dare any of you to come on over here and give me a lick, yeah, go ahead, lick it... yeah... yummy down on me... See, cause the enjoyment of food is not only taste, but ambience, and smell and texture... and I got all of them... I got ambience coming out my ass... for real...
**
So I was thinking of getting a tattoo again. Was looking at tattoo pictures on the interweb... the latest idea is to get a skull and crossbones, pirate type deal... I would love to get one big ass black skull and crossbones that would cover my back, but being a hairy bastard (its genetic, dammit... my people come from cold climates) there would have to be all sorts of shaving and/or waxing involved, and before you ladies get all in an uproar about how ya'll have to do it and see how you are I would like to say: A) Yeah, who's getting waxed? and B) I would wax my area's if you asked ME to... but it would be like clearing a landing strip in the forest... so there...
But really, so the process of removal starts, but where does it end... I am all about symmetry so could just have just this one clear area that would abruptly end and shit... so it would go on and on, then there would be maintenance and I am afraid it would come back and be like in the Fly when Brundlefly starts noticing these harsh black hairs coming out in places... Basically it wouldn't be the same soft pelt anymore, would be something less luxurious, and I am not about to risk that... So maybe just on my arm... Damn, could have come to that like 200 words ago...
**
I came here to chew gum and kick ass, and I just ran out of gum...
So, yeah, you know that song about the caffiene in the bloodstream and shit? It's funny (haha) that that is the extent of my spice nowadays... I used to associate so much with smokin' and/or drinking and stuff. Hell, looking around my place there are references to alchohol in most every room. Used to have a drink or two or ten every day, walkin along the train tracks, smokin and drinkin... now I don't. I am suffering from an identity crisis... who am I and what do I do now? what is my vice? I'm still nasty, right? Still a bad boy, eh??? Do I need to wear chaps or something? Grow out a mustache? eh??? I don't even have the face pelt anymore... Aaarghghghgg... don't look at me!! I'm am HIDEOUS in my blandness... I am a vanilla air freshener... damn... DUDE... I know... I am having a mid life crisis.... I WILL grow out a mustache, and get some chaps and a motorcyle and get one of those things on the back of the bike, what are those called, oh, yeah, bitches... Need to get me one of them bitches... and an american flag... one of them bitches holding an american flag... DUDE... I won't refer to you as a bitch, but you gotta wear an american flag bikini and ride on the back of my hog... yeah!!!
Screw that... if it is going to go down like that it will be more like Joe vs. the Volcano... I will be Tom Hanks and my old lady can be Meg Ryan and we be in love and jump into the big woo and get blown out of it and the island will sink and we will be stuck in the middle of the ocean and die... Things will get real bad out there and I will let her kill me for food because I wouldn't be able to eat her because she tastes like chicken and I don't eat chicken... and I am so Tasty...
For real, I dare any of you to come on over here and give me a lick, yeah, go ahead, lick it... yeah... yummy down on me... See, cause the enjoyment of food is not only taste, but ambience, and smell and texture... and I got all of them... I got ambience coming out my ass... for real...
**
So I was thinking of getting a tattoo again. Was looking at tattoo pictures on the interweb... the latest idea is to get a skull and crossbones, pirate type deal... I would love to get one big ass black skull and crossbones that would cover my back, but being a hairy bastard (its genetic, dammit... my people come from cold climates) there would have to be all sorts of shaving and/or waxing involved, and before you ladies get all in an uproar about how ya'll have to do it and see how you are I would like to say: A) Yeah, who's getting waxed? and B) I would wax my area's if you asked ME to... but it would be like clearing a landing strip in the forest... so there...
But really, so the process of removal starts, but where does it end... I am all about symmetry so could just have just this one clear area that would abruptly end and shit... so it would go on and on, then there would be maintenance and I am afraid it would come back and be like in the Fly when Brundlefly starts noticing these harsh black hairs coming out in places... Basically it wouldn't be the same soft pelt anymore, would be something less luxurious, and I am not about to risk that... So maybe just on my arm... Damn, could have come to that like 200 words ago...
**
I came here to chew gum and kick ass, and I just ran out of gum...
So, yeah, you know that song about the caffiene in the bloodstream and shit? It's funny (haha) that that is the extent of my spice nowadays... I used to associate so much with smokin' and/or drinking and stuff. Hell, looking around my place there are references to alchohol in most every room. Used to have a drink or two or ten every day, walkin along the train tracks, smokin and drinkin... now I don't. I am suffering from an identity crisis... who am I and what do I do now? what is my vice? I'm still nasty, right? Still a bad boy, eh??? Do I need to wear chaps or something? Grow out a mustache? eh??? I don't even have the face pelt anymore... Aaarghghghgg... don't look at me!! I'm am HIDEOUS in my blandness... I am a vanilla air freshener... damn... DUDE... I know... I am having a mid life crisis.... I WILL grow out a mustache, and get some chaps and a motorcyle and get one of those things on the back of the bike, what are those called, oh, yeah, bitches... Need to get me one of them bitches... and an american flag... one of them bitches holding an american flag... DUDE... I won't refer to you as a bitch, but you gotta wear an american flag bikini and ride on the back of my hog... yeah!!!
posted by Catfish at 9:00 AM
<< Home