the type of guy that says the puddin' is delicious...
Just about killed someone today...
...my beautiful wife. I am sad, even now, thinking about it.
See, the alarm went off this morning, about 4:15 (gave myself an extra 15 minutes) and I rolled out of bed like I normally do. Was kinda tired and was moving a little slow (comparatively speaking, slow like a slow moving bullet, you dig?). I turned towards the alarm and froze. I saw something moving out of the corner of my eye. Instintcs kicked in and I raised the fist of fury, had the touch of death all ready, blue flames and all. Was just about to leap through the air, was a split second away from unleashing death and mayhem, when I noticed it was my beautiful wife. I quickly extinguished the flames and turned off the alarm and gave my wife a pat on the ass and put her back in bed.
Now, some people, being this close to killing someone and/or other misc carnage would probably be shaking in their boots, but in my line of work you get used to it. I have been much closer than this, much closer...
Speaking of destruction, whoever borrowed my nunchucks needs to get them back to me. I gotta put an ass whoopin' on the sausage. I swear, that boy has been eye ballin' me the last couple of day. He got himself a new orange safety shirt and it hurts my eyes. I get all squinty and try to keep my head turned, but it is like looking at the sun, just can't help it you know? So I glance over there, and much like looking into the sun, I get an image of the sausage burned into my retinas. Unlike me, though, he is straight up lookin' at me. It is a lot like a wax statue or some other big dopey looking soulless something or other, but I can't help but feel that somewhere deep in that tub of blubber there is some sort of primitive thought process happening and I don't like it. I will teach him a lesson, a long slow lesson, that is why I need my nunchucks. Don't want to whip out the touch of death/fist of fury (plus I don't want to get shit on my hands). I have no problem beating him thoroughly with a hunk of wood though. And it is going to take a lot of beating... I may get carpal tunnel by the time I am done from all the repetitive movement.
***
Dude, you know what is tasty? Pigs in a blanket. Yeah!!!
I made some up yesterday, the girls had never had them. Rolled up a dog (thats the pig part, except that the girls had turkey dogs) with a slice of cheese and a crescent roll dough thingy out of a tube, you know what I am talking about. So they were pretty good, but you know, I bet I could do better.
'Cause I was thinking. I was all like, Pig. And Blanket, which is like a biscuit, and you know what goes good with biscuits? Gravey. Hmmnn, Sausage gravy... DUDE!!! Then I was all like, yeah, you know, I could wrap a sausage in a biscuit, then I thought, HEY, I could take some Jimmy Dean, and stuff that into the center of some fluffy biscuit dough, cook it up like a dumpling (somehow) then cover it with some tasty tasty white gravey. Then I was all like, Hmnnn, Momo's...
Then I got all hungry for other stuff. I like food.
Tonight I am going to the new H Mart in Federal Way. I think the H stands for Han or Hansa or something, not sure, it is Korean, regardless. They have a little deli type food deal in there, and aisle after aisle of Korean food. Will get me a case of Bowl Noodle, maybe some fresh Kimchi. Some of those Asian Funyuns things... damn...
**
Sorry about that Crap I wrote yesterday.
I tell you what, to make up for it, listen to some:
Richard Cheese - Smack my bitch up and Hot for teacher.
Possum Dixon - She Drives.
Dude: Iron Maiden - children of the Damned.
Morrissey - Meat is murder, Shoplifters of the World Unite
Blind Melon - Mouthful of Cavities
Neko Case - Blacklisted and Favorite.
OH, and I have a secret... it is kinda gross and stuff... I can't really put it up here, you dig, so if you are really interested, send me a note and I will let you know on the down low (OH, don't say that you are doing something on the downlow, because it means you are cheating on your wife... WTF?!?!?)
...my beautiful wife. I am sad, even now, thinking about it.
See, the alarm went off this morning, about 4:15 (gave myself an extra 15 minutes) and I rolled out of bed like I normally do. Was kinda tired and was moving a little slow (comparatively speaking, slow like a slow moving bullet, you dig?). I turned towards the alarm and froze. I saw something moving out of the corner of my eye. Instintcs kicked in and I raised the fist of fury, had the touch of death all ready, blue flames and all. Was just about to leap through the air, was a split second away from unleashing death and mayhem, when I noticed it was my beautiful wife. I quickly extinguished the flames and turned off the alarm and gave my wife a pat on the ass and put her back in bed.
Now, some people, being this close to killing someone and/or other misc carnage would probably be shaking in their boots, but in my line of work you get used to it. I have been much closer than this, much closer...
Speaking of destruction, whoever borrowed my nunchucks needs to get them back to me. I gotta put an ass whoopin' on the sausage. I swear, that boy has been eye ballin' me the last couple of day. He got himself a new orange safety shirt and it hurts my eyes. I get all squinty and try to keep my head turned, but it is like looking at the sun, just can't help it you know? So I glance over there, and much like looking into the sun, I get an image of the sausage burned into my retinas. Unlike me, though, he is straight up lookin' at me. It is a lot like a wax statue or some other big dopey looking soulless something or other, but I can't help but feel that somewhere deep in that tub of blubber there is some sort of primitive thought process happening and I don't like it. I will teach him a lesson, a long slow lesson, that is why I need my nunchucks. Don't want to whip out the touch of death/fist of fury (plus I don't want to get shit on my hands). I have no problem beating him thoroughly with a hunk of wood though. And it is going to take a lot of beating... I may get carpal tunnel by the time I am done from all the repetitive movement.
***
Dude, you know what is tasty? Pigs in a blanket. Yeah!!!
I made some up yesterday, the girls had never had them. Rolled up a dog (thats the pig part, except that the girls had turkey dogs) with a slice of cheese and a crescent roll dough thingy out of a tube, you know what I am talking about. So they were pretty good, but you know, I bet I could do better.
'Cause I was thinking. I was all like, Pig. And Blanket, which is like a biscuit, and you know what goes good with biscuits? Gravey. Hmmnn, Sausage gravy... DUDE!!! Then I was all like, yeah, you know, I could wrap a sausage in a biscuit, then I thought, HEY, I could take some Jimmy Dean, and stuff that into the center of some fluffy biscuit dough, cook it up like a dumpling (somehow) then cover it with some tasty tasty white gravey. Then I was all like, Hmnnn, Momo's...
Then I got all hungry for other stuff. I like food.
Tonight I am going to the new H Mart in Federal Way. I think the H stands for Han or Hansa or something, not sure, it is Korean, regardless. They have a little deli type food deal in there, and aisle after aisle of Korean food. Will get me a case of Bowl Noodle, maybe some fresh Kimchi. Some of those Asian Funyuns things... damn...
**
Sorry about that Crap I wrote yesterday.
I tell you what, to make up for it, listen to some:
Richard Cheese - Smack my bitch up and Hot for teacher.
Possum Dixon - She Drives.
Dude: Iron Maiden - children of the Damned.
Morrissey - Meat is murder, Shoplifters of the World Unite
Blind Melon - Mouthful of Cavities
Neko Case - Blacklisted and Favorite.
OH, and I have a secret... it is kinda gross and stuff... I can't really put it up here, you dig, so if you are really interested, send me a note and I will let you know on the down low (OH, don't say that you are doing something on the downlow, because it means you are cheating on your wife... WTF?!?!?)
posted by Catfish at 8:11 AM
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