armed with will and determination... and grace, too

Oh, and those people with dry skin, lets not forget them, always rubbing lotion on themselves, their hands... always with the moisturizer, they are... damn, where do they come from... don't their bodies produce the natural emollients that keep the rest of us smooth and hydrated?
I tell you, when they are sitting there, squeezing and squeezing their plastic bottles until they are farting out the last little itty bitty bit of lotion, until the bottles, you know, fart out...
Ahh, the hell with it... I am sure there are other people to hate while the weather is so nice, someone is bound to not be doing something right...
**
Oh, and that monkey that died yesterday, it wasn't a monkey (thank goodness)... It was actually just a racoon... and it WAS right next to where Terry (the bus driver) usually lets me off... he went around it really slow like, so as not to run it over more... we got a nice view of the carnage as he drove by... poor little thing, had blood running out its face... it didn't even look real... it looked staged, like someone had randomly dumped something red and liquidy on the ground and the racoon layed down in it to perpetrate some sort of shenanigans... I am thinking that he was waiting for me to come home in the evening and when the driver opened the doors and I stepped out he would attack me... or at least jump up and try to spook me... Oh, right dude, like that could even happen... Well, it could, screw you... the racoon, being a smartass, planned it all out, actually layed out in the road in the morning dew, made himself look like a monkey so I would be ALL freaked out all day long, then came back in the afternoon to wait for me to get off the bus so he can jump up and scare the bejesus out of me, cause you know I would assume that he was gonna nibble on me or something...
Racoons are bastards, I have always thought so and this just proves it... I don't have time for this crap...
**
Hey Yo!!! I am gonna be posting up some pictures over the next couple days...
I was walking along the train tracks yesterday, just because, damn... and over on the wall of the produce warehouse is the most F'IN INCREDIBLE Grafitti, the likes of which you would NEVER see in Malaysia... or is it Micronesia... somewhere... Anyhow, it is incredible... so I am gonna walk along the tracks again and take some pictures... would be better in the morning, when the sun is just coming up and everything has a soft glow about it... but I am scared to walk the tracks in the morning because of the bad men... anyhow...
Oh, and I was able to snap a couple pictures whilst on the bus this morning... OF THE SAUSAGE AND THE SNAGGLETOOTH... as they slept... YES!!!
Now I wasn't able to get the sun gleaming off the snaggles tooth... and they are a little blurry, but go to hell, damn... I was like 18 inches away from the Sausage... if he would have woke up he would have completely freaked (Sausages think that when someone takes your picture it captures your soul or something) or he would have taken it as a sign of devotion and tried to kiss me, and I have already established that he has bad breath... so obviously I don't want him to kiss me... thats all I am getting at... Hold it, no, that ain't it, not entirely... Dude, I risked my life getting these pictures... went into the lair of the snake, down on the killing floor, chased the dragons tail or something... there could have been some major hissy fits going down... imagine me trying to explain how I could have "accidentaly" taken the sausages picture... oops...
But lets not worry about that, lets focus on how much I rock... yeah...
***
OK, so there were some conversations going on over here, I tried to keep out of it, honest I did, but...
So this chick here, she asks us if you can "pop your thing, you know, that girls have when they are virgins, hymnal or something, with a tampon", or something like that... it may have actually been funnier than that, but it was definately AT LEAST as funny as that... so of course I don't know, then there was some talk about someting other other, and she said they should put a warning on the box ('cause she looked in up and according to some website you can) and I said that they can't warn you against everything, like, guns may kill or don't stick the tampon in your ear or something... she told me you can die from them, something about toxic shock, I told her to go to hell, not really, but she reads this, so there you go... so then someone said something about virgins or something, and I swear I sat here, had my headphones on and tried to stay out, but I had to get the funny out or something... so I pipped up saying something like, "when I take a girls virginity I like to scream out real loud, so they remember it... I think it is important that a girl remembers her first time and the scream really stands out" and HA it was funny... and I was all like, "it has to be a loud scream, like when you do a karate chop... HIYAH!!!" and it was funny... then someone else said something, which is not important except to illustrate that I was not just standing there being a laugh hog... but then I said it is fun, 'cause when they tell there friends about how great it was, you know, when I made them women, they would be all like, "it was fantastic, except... do you get used to the karate chops or screaming? how do you keep your ears from ringing?" or something, you know, like it is normal and they had no idea and they tell their friends and ... damn... anyhow, then someone started talking about dirty sanchez's and dirty karls and glass bottom boats and I decided to step back... and here I am... I gotta go...
**
Oh, yeah...
I told my wife that magic comes in boxes,
She didn't find me as amusing as I found myself...
I think she might be ill or something...