sitting up straight, pretending to pay attention... but I'm not...
Oh, and the feet, I forgot about the feet...
The sun comes out, the ground dries up a bit and the people uncover their nasty gnarly feet to the sweet sun... aarrghghg... ugly ugly feet...
You got your nasty toenails... jagged and crooked and thick and unnaturally colored... or maybe with the polish flaking off from when they got decorated last xmas and ignored since then...
Damn, and the crooked toes, the toes that have been stuffed in shoes that were much too tight for much too long, so the poor pinky toe is crammed up over its neighbor, or worse, crammed under its neighbor... and the big toe is all pointed, the entire foot ends up looking like a trowel or something...
And then they try to pretty things up by throwing a toe ring or 2 or 10 on... maybe throw a nice anklet on... yeah, that will distract from the ugg going on down there, like putting a high sheen on a overcooked hotdog...
Oh, and I should not forget to mention the cankles... calfs and ankles living together as one... you can't tell where one begins and the other ends... sounds romantic, doesn't it? yeah, no... you know, all you need to do is spend a couple minutes a day, say, while you are standing in front of the candy machine, doing some of them toe lifts or whatever they are called, you know, standing on your tiptoes over and over... define them body parts...
You know what I realized... You know all those movies that show all these hot people in California or Florida or something, everyone lean and tan and clean with nice feet and manicures and stuff... well I think that if they are really like that it is because they are able to addapt to their environments... they have much more opportunity to be out in the world have naked so have the proper costumes and clean themselves up a bit...
Up here, hell, we don't... very seldom does our skin see the light of day, much less the sun... we are not prepared... we are like these wild animals that are being forced out of their habitates, all hairy and wild and doing things that we shouldn't be... poopin in the yard... that is almost what it is like, dude... the sun comes out for a couple days and we get all disorientated and start poopin in the yard like it is all normal...
It is so much better when it is a constant drizzle around here... people are covered up, you gotta keep your head down to keep the water out so you can't bother to make eye contact with the general populace... yeah...
NOW, don't get me wrong, I am all for public nudity, or partial nudity, or just a peek now and then... Let me say, I appreciate the attempts ya'll have made at being titillating (heh) and how your skin is starting to glow in nice colors and stuff... really, thanks for that, you make my pants tighter, you are that special... there are moments in the sun, as they say, that make it all worth it and keep us all on the edge of our seats, maybe that girl with the loose shirt, yeah her, I bet I can see her booby if I look real hard... hooray for boobies...
***
EH, and that is a great big EH... it seems that everything that happens around here can't be handled by people around here...
It rains and noone can drive in the rain, traffic comes to a standstill and there are accidents all over the place...
The sun comes out and noone can drive in the sun, traffic comes to a standstill and there are accidents all over the place...
You come to the top of a hill on the freeway and traffic comes to a standstill because everyone thinks they are going to fall off the edge of the earth on the other side of the crest...
Our local sporting team wins a bunch of games and some people jump on the bandwagon, fairweather fans, and others protest because sports are for lowbrows and they are mad that their taxes are paying for a stadium...
Our local sporting team loses and a everyone jumps off the bandwagon and we knew it couldn't last and some people protest because sports are for lowbrows and they are mad that their taxes are blah blah...
Sun comes out and people go nuts and buy up all the airconditioners in the state so they don't DIE and 2 days later, the temperature levels out and we are all cool...
OH, it goes on and on and it makes me bitchy...
and I could sit and argue with some people about what is the cause, and what really needs to be done, and how I am full of crap and completely wrong, mostly because other people feel more strongly about it and I don't feel like standing up for something that means so little to me... I guess bitching about it takes too much energy and I have no follow through...
***
Dude, stinky bastards on the bus alert... Sat there next to the snaggle tooth, kitty corner from the sausage and accross from the old russian dude... it was like a dirty greasy fish market or something...
That damn snaggle tooth... I am going to draw a picture of her and the picture will look like a lumpy clear plastic bag full of pig lard that someone swung around their head and let go and it went flying and fwapped into a bus seat... but smelling like fish and unhappiness...
The sausage as stinky as usual, like an old warehouse and butt... DUDE!!! I made eye contact with him yesterday, I just remembered... I kept my eyes averted, as usual, when he got off the bus, but then something shiny shiny flashed or something and I looked up and our eyes locked... it was in slow motion, it was super freaky... I was so close to turning into one of those wild freak out monkeys, bouncing off the walls, shaking the windows, dippin into the dark recesses of my ass and throwing all over... Like I had been challenged for dominance or something... it was super strange...
Then there was the old russian dude... dude dresses fantastic, for real... he has a nice suit, wears a vest, nice shoes, got him one of those funky hats you see the old russian dudes wearing, he looks like one of those friendly old dudes that know tons about customer service or something... but he smells of cabbage or something.. I don't know that it is actually cabbage but he smells of something that I cannot define, except is smells like the valley harvest market up there in the corner where the european deli is...
Yeah, there were smells and stuff going on and I double checked to see if I was contributing at all, but you know I smelled like roses... and my toes are well formed, my nails may need a little touch up, trim just a touch off the top, but the shape is nice... high arches...
I have completely lost my flow so I think I am just gonna let it trail off...
The sun comes out, the ground dries up a bit and the people uncover their nasty gnarly feet to the sweet sun... aarrghghg... ugly ugly feet...
You got your nasty toenails... jagged and crooked and thick and unnaturally colored... or maybe with the polish flaking off from when they got decorated last xmas and ignored since then...
Damn, and the crooked toes, the toes that have been stuffed in shoes that were much too tight for much too long, so the poor pinky toe is crammed up over its neighbor, or worse, crammed under its neighbor... and the big toe is all pointed, the entire foot ends up looking like a trowel or something...
And then they try to pretty things up by throwing a toe ring or 2 or 10 on... maybe throw a nice anklet on... yeah, that will distract from the ugg going on down there, like putting a high sheen on a overcooked hotdog...
Oh, and I should not forget to mention the cankles... calfs and ankles living together as one... you can't tell where one begins and the other ends... sounds romantic, doesn't it? yeah, no... you know, all you need to do is spend a couple minutes a day, say, while you are standing in front of the candy machine, doing some of them toe lifts or whatever they are called, you know, standing on your tiptoes over and over... define them body parts...
You know what I realized... You know all those movies that show all these hot people in California or Florida or something, everyone lean and tan and clean with nice feet and manicures and stuff... well I think that if they are really like that it is because they are able to addapt to their environments... they have much more opportunity to be out in the world have naked so have the proper costumes and clean themselves up a bit...
Up here, hell, we don't... very seldom does our skin see the light of day, much less the sun... we are not prepared... we are like these wild animals that are being forced out of their habitates, all hairy and wild and doing things that we shouldn't be... poopin in the yard... that is almost what it is like, dude... the sun comes out for a couple days and we get all disorientated and start poopin in the yard like it is all normal...
It is so much better when it is a constant drizzle around here... people are covered up, you gotta keep your head down to keep the water out so you can't bother to make eye contact with the general populace... yeah...
NOW, don't get me wrong, I am all for public nudity, or partial nudity, or just a peek now and then... Let me say, I appreciate the attempts ya'll have made at being titillating (heh) and how your skin is starting to glow in nice colors and stuff... really, thanks for that, you make my pants tighter, you are that special... there are moments in the sun, as they say, that make it all worth it and keep us all on the edge of our seats, maybe that girl with the loose shirt, yeah her, I bet I can see her booby if I look real hard... hooray for boobies...
***
EH, and that is a great big EH... it seems that everything that happens around here can't be handled by people around here...
It rains and noone can drive in the rain, traffic comes to a standstill and there are accidents all over the place...
The sun comes out and noone can drive in the sun, traffic comes to a standstill and there are accidents all over the place...
You come to the top of a hill on the freeway and traffic comes to a standstill because everyone thinks they are going to fall off the edge of the earth on the other side of the crest...
Our local sporting team wins a bunch of games and some people jump on the bandwagon, fairweather fans, and others protest because sports are for lowbrows and they are mad that their taxes are paying for a stadium...
Our local sporting team loses and a everyone jumps off the bandwagon and we knew it couldn't last and some people protest because sports are for lowbrows and they are mad that their taxes are blah blah...
Sun comes out and people go nuts and buy up all the airconditioners in the state so they don't DIE and 2 days later, the temperature levels out and we are all cool...
OH, it goes on and on and it makes me bitchy...
and I could sit and argue with some people about what is the cause, and what really needs to be done, and how I am full of crap and completely wrong, mostly because other people feel more strongly about it and I don't feel like standing up for something that means so little to me... I guess bitching about it takes too much energy and I have no follow through...
***
Dude, stinky bastards on the bus alert... Sat there next to the snaggle tooth, kitty corner from the sausage and accross from the old russian dude... it was like a dirty greasy fish market or something...
That damn snaggle tooth... I am going to draw a picture of her and the picture will look like a lumpy clear plastic bag full of pig lard that someone swung around their head and let go and it went flying and fwapped into a bus seat... but smelling like fish and unhappiness...
The sausage as stinky as usual, like an old warehouse and butt... DUDE!!! I made eye contact with him yesterday, I just remembered... I kept my eyes averted, as usual, when he got off the bus, but then something shiny shiny flashed or something and I looked up and our eyes locked... it was in slow motion, it was super freaky... I was so close to turning into one of those wild freak out monkeys, bouncing off the walls, shaking the windows, dippin into the dark recesses of my ass and throwing all over... Like I had been challenged for dominance or something... it was super strange...
Then there was the old russian dude... dude dresses fantastic, for real... he has a nice suit, wears a vest, nice shoes, got him one of those funky hats you see the old russian dudes wearing, he looks like one of those friendly old dudes that know tons about customer service or something... but he smells of cabbage or something.. I don't know that it is actually cabbage but he smells of something that I cannot define, except is smells like the valley harvest market up there in the corner where the european deli is...
Yeah, there were smells and stuff going on and I double checked to see if I was contributing at all, but you know I smelled like roses... and my toes are well formed, my nails may need a little touch up, trim just a touch off the top, but the shape is nice... high arches...
I have completely lost my flow so I think I am just gonna let it trail off...
posted by Catfish at 2:35 PM
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