wearin' next to nothin' cause it's hot as an oven...
You know what???
Blah, blah, blah...
Tha's is what...
How about some of them aliens come and kidnap me... I don't care what kind...
In order of preference I would say:
1) Mexican - I will join them in their crusade and eat real honest to goodness mexican food... goosh
2) Venutions (venitians?) dudes from Venus... Dammit, OK, chicks from Venus, the planet of Love... They are dying out and need some fresh blood... years of breeding have produced a raise of mostly women that look a lot like my wife, or (alternately) 6 foot tall dark haired babes with voracious appetities for nookie... They need my superior genes to make babies the old fashioned way and the kids will have ninja like moves and pirate like booty skills... Not martians though, martians are assholes, its true.
3) My real parents, come to kidnap me back and right all the wrongs I have experienced... They have lots of money and just want me to be happy...
otherwise, in no particular order: Thai natives, dolphins, porpoises, hessions (whatever they are)... and finally, canadians...
No particular reason... just thought it might be fun
**
So, it is almost 200 degress out now... I can't wait to get on the bus...
**
you know who I would like to be kidnapped by??? My old lady...
That would be GREAT.
I could be like walking towards the bus and this VAN comes rolling up and the door opens and someone gives me a shot in the ass with something that makes me very compliant... somehow I get loaded into the van and we bust a move down the road...
I am forced to give her sensual massages and drink oolong tea. She would make me her slave and I would have to hang out on the beach somewhere during the day and walk along the boardwalk at night... and after a couple weeks we quietly dumps me back on the street and it will all have been a dream, seemingly...
***
Nothing happened on the bus today, unless you count... oh, forget that, nothing happened on the bus today...
**
So the devil that lives next door, she came over yesterday, stuff happened, etc... there was this one part, where she wanted to have the girls come in her house and the girls told her they couldn't and somehow it came up that the girls can go in this other friends house, how come they can't go in the devils house... I was all like, oh shit... So of course they ask and I was all like, I can't hear you, can't hear what you are saying, etc... then the noner goes and tells the devil that it is because her mom is always sleeping and their house is a mess and stuff... Oh Shit, yet again... and the devil was all like, my mom is sleeping but my dad is up... and... damn... so this is the part where you are supposed to explain to your kids that there is the truth and then there is the stuff you tell other people, that is not a lie, but not the truth, right... I mean, I suppose if it came down to it I we could tell the neighbors that we can smell their house from outside and their child is the devil and there seems to be some weird shit that goes down over there, etc... but do I really want to???
Here is some more... Dig this... so I tell them, no, you can't go in... so they are playing outside and I see them digging in the dirt place, which drives me nuts, but I figure I am being anal so I don't say too much about it... What I do say is, Ya'll better not make any mud out there, I don't want you playing in the mud... and they say they won't... right... So pretty soon the noner comes in and gets some water out of the bathroom and takes it outside... hmmnn... I yell out there to them, hey, don't be making any mud, and they said they weren't...
So I look outside a little while later and it looks like a friggin bomb went off. Heh, in the middle of the mudpuddle that they had just created was a big, formerly fluffy, white towel (not ours)... there were mudpies all over the porch (not ours, the devils)... their BBQ was open and they were either putting mud in it or taking ash out of it, not sure... there were blankets, and toys and all sorts of shit all over the place... OH, my favorite, the devil had ripped one of the screens off the window and had laid it over this little dip in the dirt and was jumping up and down on it... For real... I was all like, HOLY SHIT...
It was all the neighbors stuff, and I figured this was a perfect example of why I don't want my kids over there, much less playing with the devil child... If that had been going on over at my place, well, it wouldn't have... I like to keep an eye on my kids...
At one point the devil ran back into the house and came out with this wall hanging thing, was like a 3 tiered picture frame deal with pictures of her grandma in mexico in them... I know this because she came over to our porch with it and was swinging it around saying that it was pictures of her grandma in mexico... I was like:
1) how the hell did she get that off the wall
2) how did she do it without her parents knowing or raising hell
3) what the hell
I told her to take it back to her house and she tried to put it down on my porch and I was all like, Hey, TAKE IT BACK TO YOUR HOUSE, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE THAT... I said it really loud... the kinda loud that, if I heard, I would know my kid was up to no good and I should do something...
So there was a bunch of runnnig around and shit, and I told the girls they had to be in at 8:30... I gave them warnings every once in a while so they would be ready for it... they had somehow migrated all the shit from the neighbors to my porch... So at 8:30 I told them, OK, time to come in girls, pick up your shit and if you live here get your ass in the house, if you don't, pick up your shit and go home...
I turned my back to do something or other and when I turned around they had all disappeared...
I went out looking for them and they were up around the corner... I told them, hey, come in the house... The devil was saying, I think my daddy left... I told her I didn't care... there were at least 2 other dudes at her house and her mom was supposedly in the house sleeping, so whatever... but she was all like, I don't see his car and where did he go and stuff...
My girls started going on about how he was probably not going to come back, or how he was buried in a hole... I tried to stop them, but ehhhh...
So I finally got the girls in the house and turned around and the devil was gone, but her shit was still on the porch... I wasn't having that, so I sent the girls over to get her and made her pick up all her shit and take it home...
Long story short, she is evil and lacks parental supervision, where I am a fantastic father and my girls are angels... thats all I am saying...
**
Blah, blah, blah...
Tha's is what...
How about some of them aliens come and kidnap me... I don't care what kind...
In order of preference I would say:
1) Mexican - I will join them in their crusade and eat real honest to goodness mexican food... goosh
2) Venutions (venitians?) dudes from Venus... Dammit, OK, chicks from Venus, the planet of Love... They are dying out and need some fresh blood... years of breeding have produced a raise of mostly women that look a lot like my wife, or (alternately) 6 foot tall dark haired babes with voracious appetities for nookie... They need my superior genes to make babies the old fashioned way and the kids will have ninja like moves and pirate like booty skills... Not martians though, martians are assholes, its true.
3) My real parents, come to kidnap me back and right all the wrongs I have experienced... They have lots of money and just want me to be happy...
otherwise, in no particular order: Thai natives, dolphins, porpoises, hessions (whatever they are)... and finally, canadians...
No particular reason... just thought it might be fun
**
So, it is almost 200 degress out now... I can't wait to get on the bus...
**
you know who I would like to be kidnapped by??? My old lady...
That would be GREAT.
I could be like walking towards the bus and this VAN comes rolling up and the door opens and someone gives me a shot in the ass with something that makes me very compliant... somehow I get loaded into the van and we bust a move down the road...
I am forced to give her sensual massages and drink oolong tea. She would make me her slave and I would have to hang out on the beach somewhere during the day and walk along the boardwalk at night... and after a couple weeks we quietly dumps me back on the street and it will all have been a dream, seemingly...
***
Nothing happened on the bus today, unless you count... oh, forget that, nothing happened on the bus today...
**
So the devil that lives next door, she came over yesterday, stuff happened, etc... there was this one part, where she wanted to have the girls come in her house and the girls told her they couldn't and somehow it came up that the girls can go in this other friends house, how come they can't go in the devils house... I was all like, oh shit... So of course they ask and I was all like, I can't hear you, can't hear what you are saying, etc... then the noner goes and tells the devil that it is because her mom is always sleeping and their house is a mess and stuff... Oh Shit, yet again... and the devil was all like, my mom is sleeping but my dad is up... and... damn... so this is the part where you are supposed to explain to your kids that there is the truth and then there is the stuff you tell other people, that is not a lie, but not the truth, right... I mean, I suppose if it came down to it I we could tell the neighbors that we can smell their house from outside and their child is the devil and there seems to be some weird shit that goes down over there, etc... but do I really want to???
Here is some more... Dig this... so I tell them, no, you can't go in... so they are playing outside and I see them digging in the dirt place, which drives me nuts, but I figure I am being anal so I don't say too much about it... What I do say is, Ya'll better not make any mud out there, I don't want you playing in the mud... and they say they won't... right... So pretty soon the noner comes in and gets some water out of the bathroom and takes it outside... hmmnn... I yell out there to them, hey, don't be making any mud, and they said they weren't...
So I look outside a little while later and it looks like a friggin bomb went off. Heh, in the middle of the mudpuddle that they had just created was a big, formerly fluffy, white towel (not ours)... there were mudpies all over the porch (not ours, the devils)... their BBQ was open and they were either putting mud in it or taking ash out of it, not sure... there were blankets, and toys and all sorts of shit all over the place... OH, my favorite, the devil had ripped one of the screens off the window and had laid it over this little dip in the dirt and was jumping up and down on it... For real... I was all like, HOLY SHIT...
It was all the neighbors stuff, and I figured this was a perfect example of why I don't want my kids over there, much less playing with the devil child... If that had been going on over at my place, well, it wouldn't have... I like to keep an eye on my kids...
At one point the devil ran back into the house and came out with this wall hanging thing, was like a 3 tiered picture frame deal with pictures of her grandma in mexico in them... I know this because she came over to our porch with it and was swinging it around saying that it was pictures of her grandma in mexico... I was like:
1) how the hell did she get that off the wall
2) how did she do it without her parents knowing or raising hell
3) what the hell
I told her to take it back to her house and she tried to put it down on my porch and I was all like, Hey, TAKE IT BACK TO YOUR HOUSE, YOU SHOULDN'T HAVE THAT... I said it really loud... the kinda loud that, if I heard, I would know my kid was up to no good and I should do something...
So there was a bunch of runnnig around and shit, and I told the girls they had to be in at 8:30... I gave them warnings every once in a while so they would be ready for it... they had somehow migrated all the shit from the neighbors to my porch... So at 8:30 I told them, OK, time to come in girls, pick up your shit and if you live here get your ass in the house, if you don't, pick up your shit and go home...
I turned my back to do something or other and when I turned around they had all disappeared...
I went out looking for them and they were up around the corner... I told them, hey, come in the house... The devil was saying, I think my daddy left... I told her I didn't care... there were at least 2 other dudes at her house and her mom was supposedly in the house sleeping, so whatever... but she was all like, I don't see his car and where did he go and stuff...
My girls started going on about how he was probably not going to come back, or how he was buried in a hole... I tried to stop them, but ehhhh...
So I finally got the girls in the house and turned around and the devil was gone, but her shit was still on the porch... I wasn't having that, so I sent the girls over to get her and made her pick up all her shit and take it home...
Long story short, she is evil and lacks parental supervision, where I am a fantastic father and my girls are angels... thats all I am saying...
**
posted by Catfish at 1:51 PM
<< Home