Kicking the old mans ass (supplimentary)
I know the old man from way back, from when I was first coming up in the agency, I was a firey young whiper snapper and he was old and tired and ready to get out. He told everyone that he was an "engineer" but always neglected to tell them he was an engineer of chaos and mayhem...
Coincidentally, I had met his daughter, although I didn't know it at the time. Part of my cover was to pretend to be a community college student, and that is where I met her. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and I couldn't take my eyes off her. But I noticed that there was something strange going on around her. Protective agents roaming about (I thought at first they were keeping an eye on me) and there was that one tme that the belltower on campus exploded. She wasn't around at the time but she usually would have been.
Anyhow, it came to pass that I was putting my secret agent moves on her and suddenly I am called in to command center for a discussion. It was just me and the old man. He told me to leave her alone, I don't want to get involved, and I told him I did and to stay out of it old man, and he, you know, he tried to play it cool, tried to use logic and shit on me. Explained that she already had a "boyfriend" and I explained that he wasn't much of a boyfriend (he agreed and we high fived, YEAH!!!) but he was easy to control and could betaken out at any time and noone would cry about it...
He told me, I am telling you, stay away from her.
Lick it, old man...
This started an epic battle that is still spoke about in whispers at the academy... for 3 days we fought, starting out with general name calling and challenges to our manlinesses... I bared my chest and he bared his, my pelt beat his pelt... He wagged his, well, you get the point... Random name calling turned to violence and after a while we were beating on each other with all sorts of shit, some of it capable of inflicting injury, some of it not... it was all very random.
Eventually I wore him down, he was tired and I finally found my opening and got a leg lock around his neck...
Let me have her, I shouted at him.
Never! he cried (boohoo, the big baby)
I will break your neck old man!!!
Go ahead!!! he sobbed through his tears.
I was this close (fingers held about this far apart) and could actually feel his neck bones starting to crumble, when I stopped... I let go and stood up. He layed on the ground bawling like a big puss.
I won't kill you old man.
WHY?!? he cried
Because I don't think I could go to your funeral with your daughter and be able to pretend that I was sad about the whole thing.
Then I walked away.
I was sent to ninja school at that point, because although they admired my tenacity my style was horrible. They hooked me up so I wouldn't embarrass them swinging like a girl anymore. The old man retired and I ended up hooking up with his daughter anyhow, cause I could have any girl I wanted, yo, so I took the best...
Every once in a while, since we are family now, we still pull some missions, like ripping the nuts off of crazy bastards that randomly call out Asshole in family restaurants.
Coincidentally, I had met his daughter, although I didn't know it at the time. Part of my cover was to pretend to be a community college student, and that is where I met her. She was the most beautiful thing I had ever seen and I couldn't take my eyes off her. But I noticed that there was something strange going on around her. Protective agents roaming about (I thought at first they were keeping an eye on me) and there was that one tme that the belltower on campus exploded. She wasn't around at the time but she usually would have been.
Anyhow, it came to pass that I was putting my secret agent moves on her and suddenly I am called in to command center for a discussion. It was just me and the old man. He told me to leave her alone, I don't want to get involved, and I told him I did and to stay out of it old man, and he, you know, he tried to play it cool, tried to use logic and shit on me. Explained that she already had a "boyfriend" and I explained that he wasn't much of a boyfriend (he agreed and we high fived, YEAH!!!) but he was easy to control and could betaken out at any time and noone would cry about it...
He told me, I am telling you, stay away from her.
Lick it, old man...
This started an epic battle that is still spoke about in whispers at the academy... for 3 days we fought, starting out with general name calling and challenges to our manlinesses... I bared my chest and he bared his, my pelt beat his pelt... He wagged his, well, you get the point... Random name calling turned to violence and after a while we were beating on each other with all sorts of shit, some of it capable of inflicting injury, some of it not... it was all very random.
Eventually I wore him down, he was tired and I finally found my opening and got a leg lock around his neck...
Let me have her, I shouted at him.
Never! he cried (boohoo, the big baby)
I will break your neck old man!!!
Go ahead!!! he sobbed through his tears.
I was this close (fingers held about this far apart) and could actually feel his neck bones starting to crumble, when I stopped... I let go and stood up. He layed on the ground bawling like a big puss.
I won't kill you old man.
WHY?!? he cried
Because I don't think I could go to your funeral with your daughter and be able to pretend that I was sad about the whole thing.
Then I walked away.
I was sent to ninja school at that point, because although they admired my tenacity my style was horrible. They hooked me up so I wouldn't embarrass them swinging like a girl anymore. The old man retired and I ended up hooking up with his daughter anyhow, cause I could have any girl I wanted, yo, so I took the best...
Every once in a while, since we are family now, we still pull some missions, like ripping the nuts off of crazy bastards that randomly call out Asshole in family restaurants.
posted by Catfish at 6:34 AM
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