Vacation Day 3: Big Sky Country
Day 1 is in the bucket... uh, Day 1 is in the barrel... Damn, what's that phrase... Can, Day 1 is in the can... dammit...
Ok, so we hit the road this morning at 7:30, which is FANTASTIC!!! Except my old lady said the plan was to be on the road at 5:30...WTF!?!?... really?
I don't remember that conversation, but no bigee... So, in discussing this with my PA last night, he wanted to know where we were planning on getting to on the first day, I told him Missoula, he said something about do you realize how far that is and I was like, yeah, and he was like, you better get rolling at the butt crack of dawn, and I was like, yeah, I know, I figure it will take 10 hours, and so he says that if we leave at 7 we will get there at 9... I was like, What?!> but, of course did not challenge his math skills (14 vs. 10 hours) as doing so would have resulted in a conversation on how fast you can drive and how it takes x+5 hours to get anywhere that I know will take less than the original amount of time... uh, yeah, anyhow, I avoided most of it, and DUDE!!! You know what? I actually made it in 9 hours! Take that old man!!! You want some of me? You want to take ME on? I can take you, I swear, I will kick your ass... Anyhow...
Leaving our place we hit the first 18 redlights possible, until I yelled GODDAMN!!! at the light, all green after that... We made it about an hour before the first meltdown. I think it had something to do with the change in altitude, someones ears were not popping as they should... and the sun was shining and we did not have glasses for all the little chirrens, and perhaps the screen was hard to see in the dvd player and we couldn't reach it from the front and it wasn't fair...
I swear, and I am going to try to repeat this as it occured, but this is the kind of stuff I had to deal with...
J: Get off my pillow F
F: I am not on your pillow
J: Yes you are!
F: No I'm not
J: Yes you ARRRRREEEEE!!!
F: Fine, take your goddamn pillow,
J: You are still on it
F: I am not and you aren't using it anyway.
J: FFFffffff
F: "SCREAM"
J: "SCREAM"
F: Take your pillow
J: Fine
F: You are always accusing me...
J: No I am not.
F: Aaahhhghgghg
ME (whispers): Goddamn!!!
There was more to it, but you get the idea... and this happened a couple times...
The littlest one puked, just a litte bit, completely missing the container we gave her and somehow missing most of herself, but getting in in the crack of her carseat... a nice little puddle.
I am sure there is plenty that I am glossing over, but I am a little tired right now...
Oh, heh, at one point after we had been busting down the road for some time my nose got all dry from the air conditioning and I was feeling a little stuffed... you know how you get... so I discretely kinda, uh, picked at my nose... didn't "pick" my nose, you understand, just kinda pawed at it, barely just brushed my finger in the general nosal direction, you dig, just to scratch... Anyhow, somehow, and I still don't understand how this happened, I ended up with some nose gold on my finger... I was doing close to 80 at this point... so I couldn't really roll the window down and flick it out into the world like a father teaching his child to swim... and I couldn't ask the charming wife for something to put my treasure in/on and I didn't have a collection started in the car so I was kinda out of options... so I drove for about 50 miles with a booger on my finger tip... for real!
Dude, you can do like 85 or so in Montana... you gotta do at least 80 so you don't stand out. Suhweeetttt... I closed my eyes and imagined I was actually cruising in a Camaro at one point, I realize now not to do this...
Went swimming, they have slides here, big old twisting slides...
Dude, I was going down the first time with the oldest daughter and we were hardly moving, she was sitting in my lap and I figured there was probably a weight thing going on, so I picked her up off my lap and pushed her down the slide ahead of me.... she looked at me like, what the hell are you doing, then she went flying down the slide. I was still barely moving and trying to figure out what I was doing wrong when I looked behind me and saw these 2 little kids coming right for me... I somehow got out of the way and they gave me a look as they went by... I decided to kick their asses when I finally got to the bottom... Anyhow, I searched back into my happy past, when I had actually done something like this before and remembered that there was something about laying back, so I did and moments later I was flying down the slide... Whoosshhh... I went, flew off the end of the slide... apparently my legs are lighter than my torso and soooo, my legs went up in the air and ther rest of me went down to the bottom... my back hit the bottom of the 3 foot pool, water went up my nose and under my eyelids... I came up smiling so as not to appear a total and complete knob... but I felt like some... knob... or something... heh... good times... my old lady went down the slide, I heard this screaming and I was like, what the hell is that, and suddenly my old lady comes flying out the end of this tube... she claims the scream is involuntary but necessary...
Uh, that s about all I got right now... tomorrow should be fun...
Ok, so we hit the road this morning at 7:30, which is FANTASTIC!!! Except my old lady said the plan was to be on the road at 5:30...WTF!?!?... really?
I don't remember that conversation, but no bigee... So, in discussing this with my PA last night, he wanted to know where we were planning on getting to on the first day, I told him Missoula, he said something about do you realize how far that is and I was like, yeah, and he was like, you better get rolling at the butt crack of dawn, and I was like, yeah, I know, I figure it will take 10 hours, and so he says that if we leave at 7 we will get there at 9... I was like, What?!> but, of course did not challenge his math skills (14 vs. 10 hours) as doing so would have resulted in a conversation on how fast you can drive and how it takes x+5 hours to get anywhere that I know will take less than the original amount of time... uh, yeah, anyhow, I avoided most of it, and DUDE!!! You know what? I actually made it in 9 hours! Take that old man!!! You want some of me? You want to take ME on? I can take you, I swear, I will kick your ass... Anyhow...
Leaving our place we hit the first 18 redlights possible, until I yelled GODDAMN!!! at the light, all green after that... We made it about an hour before the first meltdown. I think it had something to do with the change in altitude, someones ears were not popping as they should... and the sun was shining and we did not have glasses for all the little chirrens, and perhaps the screen was hard to see in the dvd player and we couldn't reach it from the front and it wasn't fair...
I swear, and I am going to try to repeat this as it occured, but this is the kind of stuff I had to deal with...
J: Get off my pillow F
F: I am not on your pillow
J: Yes you are!
F: No I'm not
J: Yes you ARRRRREEEEE!!!
F: Fine, take your goddamn pillow,
J: You are still on it
F: I am not and you aren't using it anyway.
J: FFFffffff
F: "SCREAM"
J: "SCREAM"
F: Take your pillow
J: Fine
F: You are always accusing me...
J: No I am not.
F: Aaahhhghgghg
ME (whispers): Goddamn!!!
There was more to it, but you get the idea... and this happened a couple times...
The littlest one puked, just a litte bit, completely missing the container we gave her and somehow missing most of herself, but getting in in the crack of her carseat... a nice little puddle.
I am sure there is plenty that I am glossing over, but I am a little tired right now...
Oh, heh, at one point after we had been busting down the road for some time my nose got all dry from the air conditioning and I was feeling a little stuffed... you know how you get... so I discretely kinda, uh, picked at my nose... didn't "pick" my nose, you understand, just kinda pawed at it, barely just brushed my finger in the general nosal direction, you dig, just to scratch... Anyhow, somehow, and I still don't understand how this happened, I ended up with some nose gold on my finger... I was doing close to 80 at this point... so I couldn't really roll the window down and flick it out into the world like a father teaching his child to swim... and I couldn't ask the charming wife for something to put my treasure in/on and I didn't have a collection started in the car so I was kinda out of options... so I drove for about 50 miles with a booger on my finger tip... for real!
Dude, you can do like 85 or so in Montana... you gotta do at least 80 so you don't stand out. Suhweeetttt... I closed my eyes and imagined I was actually cruising in a Camaro at one point, I realize now not to do this...
Went swimming, they have slides here, big old twisting slides...
Dude, I was going down the first time with the oldest daughter and we were hardly moving, she was sitting in my lap and I figured there was probably a weight thing going on, so I picked her up off my lap and pushed her down the slide ahead of me.... she looked at me like, what the hell are you doing, then she went flying down the slide. I was still barely moving and trying to figure out what I was doing wrong when I looked behind me and saw these 2 little kids coming right for me... I somehow got out of the way and they gave me a look as they went by... I decided to kick their asses when I finally got to the bottom... Anyhow, I searched back into my happy past, when I had actually done something like this before and remembered that there was something about laying back, so I did and moments later I was flying down the slide... Whoosshhh... I went, flew off the end of the slide... apparently my legs are lighter than my torso and soooo, my legs went up in the air and ther rest of me went down to the bottom... my back hit the bottom of the 3 foot pool, water went up my nose and under my eyelids... I came up smiling so as not to appear a total and complete knob... but I felt like some... knob... or something... heh... good times... my old lady went down the slide, I heard this screaming and I was like, what the hell is that, and suddenly my old lady comes flying out the end of this tube... she claims the scream is involuntary but necessary...
Uh, that s about all I got right now... tomorrow should be fun...
posted by Catfish at 8:41 PM
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