changing his pitch up...
Holy Shit, Dude...
I think someone is trying to kill me!!!
I was walking up to the busstop this morning and right where I usually stand there was this big red X... I thought, hey, that is kinda strange, and I was about to stand right in the middle of it, but I noticed my shoe was untied so I stopped and stooped down to tie it and WTF?!?! an ANVIL fell right onto the red X... I was all like, whew, that was close... didn't think much of it.
So then I get on the bus and was just sitting there, groovin to my Creative Zen Micro MP3 player (although it also plays WMA and WAV, but not AAC)... so I smelt something kinda burny and, of course, I figured it was the sausage or something, but it wasn't... I kinda looked around and noticed this smoke coming from under my seat... I looked and there was a big round bomb sitting there... What the hell??? I thought and was just about to reach for it when the bus started going up this hill and the bomb rolled to the back of the bus and then it BLEW UP (pow) and the whole back of the bus was gone... The driver kept going cause the people that sit in the back of the bus are kinda nasty and losing them is no big deal...
I really didn't make any connection until I got off the bus in Seattle. On the corner of 4th and Lander there was a funky looking like mime or something, had some wires and shit sticking out from him hear and there and was kinda all hurdy gurdy, doing the robot, jerkin and shakin... I tried to ignore him, fought my instincts to kill him on sight, and waited for the light to change to the little white walking dude...
So this freakin' mime comes up to me and is all miming (mimeing?) at me and was like making motions like I should pull his finger... now I love a good fart joke, who doesn't... but I hate mimes (and midgets, with their tiny little stubby fingers and big heads and stuck up attitudes, little bastards) so I just burned holes of hate into him... he was quite insistent, I turned up the heat a little bit and felt my hands turning to fists... luckily for him (and me, trying to lay off the killing for a while) the light changed and I crossed the street... Someone passed me going the other way and I heard them say something like, hey, a mime, and, you want me to pull your finger? then there was an explosion... I could feel the heat on the back of my neck but didn't bother turning around, just kinda marvelled at what a strange day it was so far... weird shit going down...
DUDE!!! then I was walking by the BBQ place and this arrow goes bwoinggg into the tree next to me...
Then all these holes appeared in the side of this building and a window broke and I swear I recognized the hiss of a 30.06 flying through the air around me...
There was a big hole in the sidewalk, I almost stepped in it, but this dude came riding his bike down the sidewalk (asshole bicyclists) and I moved out of the way and he went into the hole and disappeared, so I decided to avoid it...
Then this dude tried to deliver a telegraph to me but I figured he was a process server trying to serve me with a paternity suit or something (chicks are always trying to accuse me of knocking them up because of the way I swivel my hips and my spectacular package and shit... they WISH they could get my DNA in em... but I would have to charge for breeding services and there would probably be licenses and health inspections and signs about washing my hands before returning to work or something and I can't be bothered) so I gave him a karate chop to the jugular and left him laying there... besides, I thought I could smell a slight scent of strychnine...
Then, and then, I got to work and was riding up in the elevator and just stepped out on my floor when the car fell behind me a crashed in the basement...
Then I had to stop by the lavatory to drain the mighty python, amd DAMMIT there was a naked guy AND some dude taking a major dump AND bloody boogers on the wall by the urinal... One at a time this is not so hard to handle, but when you add all 3 it creates this negative chemical reaction, and nearly blew my head off...
I did a quick ninja roll out of the bathroom and decided to hold it a while while the stink cleared (in these instances, it is always the smell that has the biggest impact, they say the smell is our strongest sense and the one the we associate emotionally with, uh, things)...
Then this dude came in and he was all like, here, I was at Starbucks and they screwed up my order and gave it to me free, you want it?
I immdiately sprung into the flying monkey, whacked the coffee out of his hand with my right fist of fury and kicked him in the nuts with my left foot of fury and screamed at him in rage, YOU FUCKER!!! Who sent you here to kill me??? WHO?!?! but... but...
You see, when confronted with this devilish tool of destruction, well, instincts take over... Fight or flight is strong in me... well the fight part is, flight, sure, when I am flying at someone to rip their ass in two... so, yeah, I killed him. Its cool, really, don't worry too much about him, he died REAL quick...
The worse part? Well, I had the stench of poo shadowing my mind, now I have the stench of bad coffee shadowing my soul...
I think someone is trying to kill me!!!
I was walking up to the busstop this morning and right where I usually stand there was this big red X... I thought, hey, that is kinda strange, and I was about to stand right in the middle of it, but I noticed my shoe was untied so I stopped and stooped down to tie it and WTF?!?! an ANVIL fell right onto the red X... I was all like, whew, that was close... didn't think much of it.
So then I get on the bus and was just sitting there, groovin to my Creative Zen Micro MP3 player (although it also plays WMA and WAV, but not AAC)... so I smelt something kinda burny and, of course, I figured it was the sausage or something, but it wasn't... I kinda looked around and noticed this smoke coming from under my seat... I looked and there was a big round bomb sitting there... What the hell??? I thought and was just about to reach for it when the bus started going up this hill and the bomb rolled to the back of the bus and then it BLEW UP (pow) and the whole back of the bus was gone... The driver kept going cause the people that sit in the back of the bus are kinda nasty and losing them is no big deal...
I really didn't make any connection until I got off the bus in Seattle. On the corner of 4th and Lander there was a funky looking like mime or something, had some wires and shit sticking out from him hear and there and was kinda all hurdy gurdy, doing the robot, jerkin and shakin... I tried to ignore him, fought my instincts to kill him on sight, and waited for the light to change to the little white walking dude...
So this freakin' mime comes up to me and is all miming (mimeing?) at me and was like making motions like I should pull his finger... now I love a good fart joke, who doesn't... but I hate mimes (and midgets, with their tiny little stubby fingers and big heads and stuck up attitudes, little bastards) so I just burned holes of hate into him... he was quite insistent, I turned up the heat a little bit and felt my hands turning to fists... luckily for him (and me, trying to lay off the killing for a while) the light changed and I crossed the street... Someone passed me going the other way and I heard them say something like, hey, a mime, and, you want me to pull your finger? then there was an explosion... I could feel the heat on the back of my neck but didn't bother turning around, just kinda marvelled at what a strange day it was so far... weird shit going down...
DUDE!!! then I was walking by the BBQ place and this arrow goes bwoinggg into the tree next to me...
Then all these holes appeared in the side of this building and a window broke and I swear I recognized the hiss of a 30.06 flying through the air around me...
There was a big hole in the sidewalk, I almost stepped in it, but this dude came riding his bike down the sidewalk (asshole bicyclists) and I moved out of the way and he went into the hole and disappeared, so I decided to avoid it...
Then this dude tried to deliver a telegraph to me but I figured he was a process server trying to serve me with a paternity suit or something (chicks are always trying to accuse me of knocking them up because of the way I swivel my hips and my spectacular package and shit... they WISH they could get my DNA in em... but I would have to charge for breeding services and there would probably be licenses and health inspections and signs about washing my hands before returning to work or something and I can't be bothered) so I gave him a karate chop to the jugular and left him laying there... besides, I thought I could smell a slight scent of strychnine...
Then, and then, I got to work and was riding up in the elevator and just stepped out on my floor when the car fell behind me a crashed in the basement...
Then I had to stop by the lavatory to drain the mighty python, amd DAMMIT there was a naked guy AND some dude taking a major dump AND bloody boogers on the wall by the urinal... One at a time this is not so hard to handle, but when you add all 3 it creates this negative chemical reaction, and nearly blew my head off...
I did a quick ninja roll out of the bathroom and decided to hold it a while while the stink cleared (in these instances, it is always the smell that has the biggest impact, they say the smell is our strongest sense and the one the we associate emotionally with, uh, things)...
Then this dude came in and he was all like, here, I was at Starbucks and they screwed up my order and gave it to me free, you want it?
I immdiately sprung into the flying monkey, whacked the coffee out of his hand with my right fist of fury and kicked him in the nuts with my left foot of fury and screamed at him in rage, YOU FUCKER!!! Who sent you here to kill me??? WHO?!?! but... but...
You see, when confronted with this devilish tool of destruction, well, instincts take over... Fight or flight is strong in me... well the fight part is, flight, sure, when I am flying at someone to rip their ass in two... so, yeah, I killed him. Its cool, really, don't worry too much about him, he died REAL quick...
The worse part? Well, I had the stench of poo shadowing my mind, now I have the stench of bad coffee shadowing my soul...
posted by Catfish at 1:29 PM
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