There will never be another one like you...
I woke up this morning with some Ozzy in my head.
'Cause rock and roll
Is my religion and my law
Won't ever change,
May think it's strange
You can't kill rock 'n roll
It's here to stay
I could hear the music and follow along with the lyrics, and, standing there in the kitchen, I found myself bouncing my head along with the tune. Not hard core headbanging or anything, but just nodding along with the music.
I think I do this quite often, actually. I get into the music in my head and suddenly catch myself twitching along to it... people must think I am a freak.
So I was thinking about this on the bus, mostly about Ozzy, you dig... I was sandwiched between 2 stinky dudes so I was trying to find my happy spot.
I remembered listening to Ozzy at different times in my life, the most notable occurrence was listening to Diary of a Madman while my friend tested his tattooing skills on me. Burned a nice little cross into my arm... I think I was loaded because I remember hearing a little sizzle but it not hurting... Ahh, to be 16 and loaded and getting a homebrew tattoo in your friends room... damn...
And I was thinking about how odd life can be, where you can find yourself, and suddenly I found myself preparing for one of those situations I often prepare for in my mind...
Amongst the things I have lived through in my head:
1) Wife asking for a divorce.
2) Wife telling me she has a boyfriend
3) Seeing the family in a carwreck as I go by on the bus
4) Bootcamp (I hate that one)
5) Severe natural disaster
6) Revolution (like on Red Dawn)
and one of my favorites and the one I was preparing for today:
Final Words at my Execution
and let me tell you, I was brilliant today. I was standing in front of all the witnesses, at peace with the world (you bet). I blamed everything on society, how people like to throw the concept of Nature vs. Nurture around, when it is always really Nurture that is the issue, but people like to have Nature around because it means it is an inbred trait and no one is really to blame... I told everyone that I felt sorry for them, that they had to witness this, the ultimate waste of a human life, and I hope it haunts them forever, or at least gives them something to think about when they go home and go to bed.
I was making SOOO much sense, it was brilliant.
I was still executed in the end, that was never in question...
as a matter of fact, I was wondering why they had to go to such extremes in executing me (it was lethal injection, yo)... no need for multiple tubes and shit, I mean, really, if dudes can sit in their apartments and overdose so easily is just be relatively simple to dose me up to sufficiently lethal doses to accomplish the same thing without a cocktail of different chemicals... damn... Of course, in my mind I had convinced them to shoot me up with just a nice dose of heroin to ease my mind, you know, get me all mellow, then maybe kick it up a notch with some Fentanyl, you know, to put me over the edge. I mean, damn, I wasn't going to fight it, I was guilty as hell, might as well go out with a bang, you know...
I come out of these little mental escapades kinda introspective or something, not sure what the right word for this is... but I come out of it and think to myself, "hmmnnn, what to think about now?"
Then I remembered about this dude, here, at this place, Monkey Boy... his wife is preggers and at one point I had offered up some hippie type suggestions, like having the baby at home, in a hottub, suggested a doula he might enjoy, etc... he was polite, thanked me for the suggestions, but no thanks, you know... well then, he just found out that he is having a girl. He has been blogging about this, he is kind of emotional, but in a good way... but he has been blogging about this and having people guess the sex of the baby, suggest names, talking about the mental state of hysteria that you don't realize you are in when your whole world is about to change forever and ever (although he may not realize he is in a state of hysteria, it is sublime)...
Anyway, they found out, it is a girl, and this is odd because the majority of the people in his family are boys, and he wanted to know, since he has little experience with the female of the species, he wanted to know what he should be expecting... I think he was looking more for the difference between having boy and girls...
Of course, my initial reaction was to say, "Well, girls have Puddins and boys have funny looking puddins", but I didn't...
I don't really know the difference, I know my girls, you know, and they can be tough as nails sometimes, super sensitive at other times... I don't know, I really don't...
I know I had this plan, once upon a time, where I would sit them down next to me, on some dock by some lake, and impart all my knowledge of the universe... tell them about finding their centers and not caring about what other people think, being confident and something something... See, I lost it... I lost it when I discovered that they didn't understand many of the words I was saying, and because the attention span of a typical young'n really isn't conducive to the grand metaphysical discussions I wanted to have... I am still waiting for my window though...
Uhh, I think I was going to say something grand about not being one of those helicopter parents, give them some room to discover things on their own, but also give them an example to learn from... all sorts of grand things were going to come out of my mind... it was going to be glorious...
But my mind wandered and I lost it, and I believe I ended up being envious of the amount of traffic he gets to his blog... bastard... I will let him learn it all on his own...
I mean really, other peoples parenting skills suck, you know... you rarely look at someone and think to yourself how you wish you had parenting skills like that... even if they are doing it perfect you can come up with some sort of criticism regarding how they are doing it... I mean, Hey, I let my girls run around with scissors (sharp pointy ones) in their hands... seems ok to me, you know... and yet, I am thinking, there are probably some parents out there that would not think this was a good idea, teaching their kids safety like this... but really, it ain't like I don't guide them, I do, I yell at them all the time, I'm all like "HEY!!! Watch out, don't fall on them there scissors!!!" and "Get out of the way, I can't see the TV" and you know what else??? I leave them alone in the bathtub... but its cool, dude, they make so much friggin noise in there I don't get concerned unless it gets quiet all of a sudden... when it gets quiet any parent of quality goes running... Silence is the sound of trouble...
Oh, another situation I have mentally prepared for:
7) child has stopped breathing/stabbed themselves with scissors/stabbed their sister with scissors/stabbed me with scissors/I am not breathing and am in fact dead and they find my body/wife dies and children and locked in the house with their dead mother until I get home
Yeah...
'Cause rock and roll
Is my religion and my law
Won't ever change,
May think it's strange
You can't kill rock 'n roll
It's here to stay
I could hear the music and follow along with the lyrics, and, standing there in the kitchen, I found myself bouncing my head along with the tune. Not hard core headbanging or anything, but just nodding along with the music.
I think I do this quite often, actually. I get into the music in my head and suddenly catch myself twitching along to it... people must think I am a freak.
So I was thinking about this on the bus, mostly about Ozzy, you dig... I was sandwiched between 2 stinky dudes so I was trying to find my happy spot.
I remembered listening to Ozzy at different times in my life, the most notable occurrence was listening to Diary of a Madman while my friend tested his tattooing skills on me. Burned a nice little cross into my arm... I think I was loaded because I remember hearing a little sizzle but it not hurting... Ahh, to be 16 and loaded and getting a homebrew tattoo in your friends room... damn...
And I was thinking about how odd life can be, where you can find yourself, and suddenly I found myself preparing for one of those situations I often prepare for in my mind...
Amongst the things I have lived through in my head:
1) Wife asking for a divorce.
2) Wife telling me she has a boyfriend
3) Seeing the family in a carwreck as I go by on the bus
4) Bootcamp (I hate that one)
5) Severe natural disaster
6) Revolution (like on Red Dawn)
and one of my favorites and the one I was preparing for today:
Final Words at my Execution
and let me tell you, I was brilliant today. I was standing in front of all the witnesses, at peace with the world (you bet). I blamed everything on society, how people like to throw the concept of Nature vs. Nurture around, when it is always really Nurture that is the issue, but people like to have Nature around because it means it is an inbred trait and no one is really to blame... I told everyone that I felt sorry for them, that they had to witness this, the ultimate waste of a human life, and I hope it haunts them forever, or at least gives them something to think about when they go home and go to bed.
I was making SOOO much sense, it was brilliant.
I was still executed in the end, that was never in question...
as a matter of fact, I was wondering why they had to go to such extremes in executing me (it was lethal injection, yo)... no need for multiple tubes and shit, I mean, really, if dudes can sit in their apartments and overdose so easily is just be relatively simple to dose me up to sufficiently lethal doses to accomplish the same thing without a cocktail of different chemicals... damn... Of course, in my mind I had convinced them to shoot me up with just a nice dose of heroin to ease my mind, you know, get me all mellow, then maybe kick it up a notch with some Fentanyl, you know, to put me over the edge. I mean, damn, I wasn't going to fight it, I was guilty as hell, might as well go out with a bang, you know...
I come out of these little mental escapades kinda introspective or something, not sure what the right word for this is... but I come out of it and think to myself, "hmmnnn, what to think about now?"
Then I remembered about this dude, here, at this place, Monkey Boy... his wife is preggers and at one point I had offered up some hippie type suggestions, like having the baby at home, in a hottub, suggested a doula he might enjoy, etc... he was polite, thanked me for the suggestions, but no thanks, you know... well then, he just found out that he is having a girl. He has been blogging about this, he is kind of emotional, but in a good way... but he has been blogging about this and having people guess the sex of the baby, suggest names, talking about the mental state of hysteria that you don't realize you are in when your whole world is about to change forever and ever (although he may not realize he is in a state of hysteria, it is sublime)...
Anyway, they found out, it is a girl, and this is odd because the majority of the people in his family are boys, and he wanted to know, since he has little experience with the female of the species, he wanted to know what he should be expecting... I think he was looking more for the difference between having boy and girls...
Of course, my initial reaction was to say, "Well, girls have Puddins and boys have funny looking puddins", but I didn't...
I don't really know the difference, I know my girls, you know, and they can be tough as nails sometimes, super sensitive at other times... I don't know, I really don't...
I know I had this plan, once upon a time, where I would sit them down next to me, on some dock by some lake, and impart all my knowledge of the universe... tell them about finding their centers and not caring about what other people think, being confident and something something... See, I lost it... I lost it when I discovered that they didn't understand many of the words I was saying, and because the attention span of a typical young'n really isn't conducive to the grand metaphysical discussions I wanted to have... I am still waiting for my window though...
Uhh, I think I was going to say something grand about not being one of those helicopter parents, give them some room to discover things on their own, but also give them an example to learn from... all sorts of grand things were going to come out of my mind... it was going to be glorious...
But my mind wandered and I lost it, and I believe I ended up being envious of the amount of traffic he gets to his blog... bastard... I will let him learn it all on his own...
I mean really, other peoples parenting skills suck, you know... you rarely look at someone and think to yourself how you wish you had parenting skills like that... even if they are doing it perfect you can come up with some sort of criticism regarding how they are doing it... I mean, Hey, I let my girls run around with scissors (sharp pointy ones) in their hands... seems ok to me, you know... and yet, I am thinking, there are probably some parents out there that would not think this was a good idea, teaching their kids safety like this... but really, it ain't like I don't guide them, I do, I yell at them all the time, I'm all like "HEY!!! Watch out, don't fall on them there scissors!!!" and "Get out of the way, I can't see the TV" and you know what else??? I leave them alone in the bathtub... but its cool, dude, they make so much friggin noise in there I don't get concerned unless it gets quiet all of a sudden... when it gets quiet any parent of quality goes running... Silence is the sound of trouble...
Oh, another situation I have mentally prepared for:
7) child has stopped breathing/stabbed themselves with scissors/stabbed their sister with scissors/stabbed me with scissors/I am not breathing and am in fact dead and they find my body/wife dies and children and locked in the house with their dead mother until I get home
Yeah...
Labels: Ozzy, preparedness, puddin
posted by Catfish at 10:12 AM
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