You know what??? Deeez Nuttzzz

If I ever found myself in the position of knockin' the boots with some young gal, say, right out of High School, I think I would seriously mess with her mind. Because she didn't know any better... it would be sweet...
See, if we were "doing it" I would be all like, "oh baby, yeah baby" and then I would be all like, "Hey... stick your finger in my ear" or "you know what really turns me on, when you stick your finger in my ear"... she would be all confused and self conscious and probably go along with it because I am such a stud and shit, so she would do it, right...
So, I would see it coming, and I would be all encouraging her and stuff and when she stuck her finger in my ear I would say "OUCH" and slap her hand away and tell her "Damn, you can't just force it in there like that!!! Lick it first!" and so she would and, even though it would be freakin' sick, I would go along with it and make all sorts of high pitched moaning sounds... "oh... oh... OHHHHHH!!!" and "OOHhh, yeah, do it like that, yeah... ahhh" and crap like that...
She would probably think, at this point, that she was a magnificent lover and that there was a whole aspect of lovin' that she had been missing out on... Maybe she would enjoy it... Maybe I should do it to her... I would work it hard...
Then I would stick my fingers in her mouth and make her get them all slobbery and shit, I mean, really really juicy, you dig... then I would give her a big ass wet willy with her own slobber... yeah, and I would bang away at her with my wet fingers in her ear telling her how fantastic it is... "yeah, you like that, yeah" and I would twist my fingers around making sure to get it all over...
By this point she would be wondering if there was something wrong with her because she wasn't enjoying it and she should be... and then I would pull my fingers out of her ears and stick them back in her mouth so she could taste her own wax... still telling her how fantastic this all was... Her mind would be all blown by this point because of all the real pleasure I would be giving her contrasted with having a wet willy...
BUT... that ain't all... not nearly...
I would make sure that while we were doing it I had the weather channel on the TV, real loud... and I would be all bangin' away and shrieking like a monkey until the local weather came on... then I would shush her "shhh" and cock my head over to listen... Then I would be all starting out all slow and sensous and shit and telling her... "you hear that, baby, yeah, scattered showers... AHHHH. Yeah, you like them scattered showers? OOoohhh!!! Shhh... OH! lows in the 40's, yeah, nice and cold... oh baby... yeah... High of 57!!! DAMN!!! Did you hear that, High of 57!!!" and I would start getting rough, really banging away... Then I would be all like "YEAH!!! DOPPLER RADAR!!! OH FUCK, YEAH, DOPPLER... OHMYGOD, OHMYGOD... Ugghhhh... DOUBLE DOPPLER... OH SHIT, DOUBLE DOPPLER!!!!! UHHHHHHHHHHHHHH"... And I would scream double doppler at her at that point and try to finish up before the local forcast is done... be all laying there panting... "oh I love the weather, oh I love the weather... hmmnnn doppler... hmmnnn"...
Then I'd make her go get me a beer and suggest that since she was up that she might wanna get going 'cause I was really tired and she doesn't want to worry her parents, but it was really great and we should do it again sometime... Oh, and maybe she shouldn't mention the ear thing, you know, 'cause it is kinda kinky...
And you know she would... she would tell all her friends, ask them if they ever heard of such a thing before... and they would be intrigued... Oh, sure, they would try to tell each other that I was a freak or something, but secretly they would be intrigued... and they would want to have sex with me also... So I would have to repeat the performance for her friends, but not all of them... maybe a couple of them... for the rest I would be normal (you know, super sexy and giving, sensitive and attentive, like I learned in my 3 years in the octagon)... and the ones I was all normal with would wonder what was wrong with them that I didn't want to stick my fingers in their ear and the others would wonder why I got all funky with them... why them... and who are the lucky ones... was it the ones that got the funky treatment or the others... who won? Really, who won? But baby, you're all winners... really, the pleasure was all mine...