Happy happy random crappy
Hey, you know what tomorrow is, don't you? Besides Kittens b-day? How many fingers do you need to hold up to count to FOXY?!?
Anyhow, tomorrow, with the full moon, is Vesak or Buddha Purnima... it is the most holy time in the Buddhist calendar... With the Taurus fool moon the birth, death and enlightenment of Buddha is celebrated... Gautama that is, not the other ones... it also means there will be no tech support for the next couple of days...
Anyway, in case you were wondering how to celebrate tomorrow, you must first off make special efforts not to kill anything... got that?
Also, make special efforts to bring happiness to others... so be nice and shit... got that?
Ahh, heck, here is a list...
1. Not to kill
2. Not to steal
3. Not to engage in improper sexual activity
4. Not to indulge in wrong speech
5. Not to take intoxicating drinks and drugs
6. To abstain from taking food at unreasonable times
7. To refrain from sensual pleasures such as dancing, singing and self-adornment
8. To refrain from using high and luxurious seats in order to practice humility.
So either, do, or don't do, as the case may be, as the list above dictates... and, YO, if you are looking at the list and wondering who determines what improper sexual activity is, well, you can just run it by me and I will tell you... just whisper it in my ear...
But really, you know how on xmas we all seem to get up early and sit around opening presents and eating like pigs and stuff? Well, tomorrow, there will be something like a billion people all NOT eating like pigs, and giving presents like flowers and candles and incense and stuff to others to remind everyone ...that just as the beautiful flowers would wither away after a short while and the candles and joss-sticks would soon burn out, so too is life subject to decay and destruction
So, there is your Buddha lesson for the day... do the right thing...
***
I must have been tired on Friday. Really really tired, because whenever I have thunk about it since then my sphincter tightens up and I see flashing lights and sounds...
See, I got on the bus up here on 2nd ave, right, and it is always strange... like a bunch of pigs running to the trough, when the bus shows up there is a bunch of running and pushing and squealing... and I just kinda move through the crowd like a crazy ninja or something, you know... anyhow...
So I got on the bus at the back doors and I could see that all the good seats were taken and I could see the retarded kid coming towards me down the aisle so I turned around and headed back to the couch type seat by the back door... as soon as I sat down I regret ed it... OK, so dig this, I was facing the door, right, and to my right on the door side of the bus was this dude in these shorts and a t-shirt and he was super freaky... it looked like he had thought about shaving his legs then forgot about it then thought about it again then decided to do something different. There were all these tufts of hair popping up around these bare parts of skin... I studied this at length 'cause it was so freaky to look at... that and he was dressed like some dude that had had to escape from somewhere naked and ended up stealing someone elses clothes or something... he just really looked out of place...
And he was talking to someone, someone on my side of the bus, right across the aisle from where he was sitting. They were talking about cell phones and he was saying something about text messaging, and she was saying she couldn't do that, and he said that was strange, everyone can text message and she said something like, well how do you do it? and he was saying something about hitting the numbers and then hitting the send button and she says that it costs money, and he says it doesn't for him and she says "are you saying I should cancel my cell phone service?" and he was all like, well, who are you with and she said t-mobile and he said that she should call up and ask for free messaging and she asked how she does that, and he told her to just call them the hell up and ask them, and she said "and they will just give it to me?" and he said, "well, it depends on how you ask" and she said, something and he said something, and it was like, everytime he said something she would reply with a question that was totally out of left field... and so he would try to answer this new question and she would then ask a question relating to the first topic... it kept going back and forth like that... I finally cranked up my music to as high as it would go just so I wouldn't be able to hear any more of the conversation, I left off at the point where she was screaming at him to show her how to do something, but don't show her, tell her how to do it and he was all like, well I don't know...
So even though I had my volume up I could feel the vibrations so I knew it was still going on, so I spent a couple minutes calculating how many different ways I could run my fist through her... I thought of being all stealthy so she wouldn't know what hit her, then I figured out how I could do it so she would see it coming and I could see her eyes as I squeezed her heart... then I figured I could just throw her out the window and let someone run over her... or maybe I could just block her windpipe for a while, until she passed out, but what fun would that be, you know...
and DUDE!!! I had just about decided on a plan of attach when all of a sudden she is walking by me... We were still busting down the freeway and she was walking to the front of the bus... this put me on high alert... best case scenario she would get the front doors open and fall out into traffic, worse case would involve her molesting the bus driver and I would have to jump up and snap her spine...
So she stood there talking to the driver for a couple minutes then she sat down in one of the seats in the front...
I figured everything would get better from there, but then I realized the retarded kid was looking back my way... I made the mistake of making eye contact with him once... he is always looking back at me... he is really really retarded... slobbery kinda retarded, you know... he often gets up and changes seats, will often sit near someone and start shouting at them about something or other... I saw him looking back at me then realized that he was actually looking back to see if his favorite seat was available... he likes to sit in the seat where the freaky dude was sitting... I have seen him get all anxious when someone takes his seat, he starts wondering up and down the aisles and shit, trying out all the empty seats he can.. and then, if his favorite becomes available he makes a run for it... unless he falls asleep in the seat he is already in... he drools, and I have seen him leave puddles on seats and shit...
and then, and then, we finally got to the freeway exit and a bunch of people got off the bus, but then the Sausage gets on and he has a full on white afro now... not really an afro but more like a puffball or something... something white and fluffy on his noggin... so he gets on and he sees me and it was like he all lit up or something... like electricity was janglin his ballsack or something... he was all like, whoa... or something, hell, I don't know, but he got all excited and shit and I had to pretend I didn't notice him looking at me...
And you know what, I finally got off the bus and my ears were ringing because I had never turned the music down, and I rode all that way without killing anyone, or crying, or anything... it just seemed so pointless, which is double strange, cause I am a big fan of perpetrating senseless violence... bam...
Anyhow, tomorrow, with the full moon, is Vesak or Buddha Purnima... it is the most holy time in the Buddhist calendar... With the Taurus fool moon the birth, death and enlightenment of Buddha is celebrated... Gautama that is, not the other ones... it also means there will be no tech support for the next couple of days...
Anyway, in case you were wondering how to celebrate tomorrow, you must first off make special efforts not to kill anything... got that?
Also, make special efforts to bring happiness to others... so be nice and shit... got that?
Ahh, heck, here is a list...
1. Not to kill
2. Not to steal
3. Not to engage in improper sexual activity
4. Not to indulge in wrong speech
5. Not to take intoxicating drinks and drugs
6. To abstain from taking food at unreasonable times
7. To refrain from sensual pleasures such as dancing, singing and self-adornment
8. To refrain from using high and luxurious seats in order to practice humility.
So either, do, or don't do, as the case may be, as the list above dictates... and, YO, if you are looking at the list and wondering who determines what improper sexual activity is, well, you can just run it by me and I will tell you... just whisper it in my ear...
But really, you know how on xmas we all seem to get up early and sit around opening presents and eating like pigs and stuff? Well, tomorrow, there will be something like a billion people all NOT eating like pigs, and giving presents like flowers and candles and incense and stuff to others to remind everyone ...that just as the beautiful flowers would wither away after a short while and the candles and joss-sticks would soon burn out, so too is life subject to decay and destruction
So, there is your Buddha lesson for the day... do the right thing...
***
I must have been tired on Friday. Really really tired, because whenever I have thunk about it since then my sphincter tightens up and I see flashing lights and sounds...
See, I got on the bus up here on 2nd ave, right, and it is always strange... like a bunch of pigs running to the trough, when the bus shows up there is a bunch of running and pushing and squealing... and I just kinda move through the crowd like a crazy ninja or something, you know... anyhow...
So I got on the bus at the back doors and I could see that all the good seats were taken and I could see the retarded kid coming towards me down the aisle so I turned around and headed back to the couch type seat by the back door... as soon as I sat down I regret ed it... OK, so dig this, I was facing the door, right, and to my right on the door side of the bus was this dude in these shorts and a t-shirt and he was super freaky... it looked like he had thought about shaving his legs then forgot about it then thought about it again then decided to do something different. There were all these tufts of hair popping up around these bare parts of skin... I studied this at length 'cause it was so freaky to look at... that and he was dressed like some dude that had had to escape from somewhere naked and ended up stealing someone elses clothes or something... he just really looked out of place...
And he was talking to someone, someone on my side of the bus, right across the aisle from where he was sitting. They were talking about cell phones and he was saying something about text messaging, and she was saying she couldn't do that, and he said that was strange, everyone can text message and she said something like, well how do you do it? and he was saying something about hitting the numbers and then hitting the send button and she says that it costs money, and he says it doesn't for him and she says "are you saying I should cancel my cell phone service?" and he was all like, well, who are you with and she said t-mobile and he said that she should call up and ask for free messaging and she asked how she does that, and he told her to just call them the hell up and ask them, and she said "and they will just give it to me?" and he said, "well, it depends on how you ask" and she said, something and he said something, and it was like, everytime he said something she would reply with a question that was totally out of left field... and so he would try to answer this new question and she would then ask a question relating to the first topic... it kept going back and forth like that... I finally cranked up my music to as high as it would go just so I wouldn't be able to hear any more of the conversation, I left off at the point where she was screaming at him to show her how to do something, but don't show her, tell her how to do it and he was all like, well I don't know...
So even though I had my volume up I could feel the vibrations so I knew it was still going on, so I spent a couple minutes calculating how many different ways I could run my fist through her... I thought of being all stealthy so she wouldn't know what hit her, then I figured out how I could do it so she would see it coming and I could see her eyes as I squeezed her heart... then I figured I could just throw her out the window and let someone run over her... or maybe I could just block her windpipe for a while, until she passed out, but what fun would that be, you know...
and DUDE!!! I had just about decided on a plan of attach when all of a sudden she is walking by me... We were still busting down the freeway and she was walking to the front of the bus... this put me on high alert... best case scenario she would get the front doors open and fall out into traffic, worse case would involve her molesting the bus driver and I would have to jump up and snap her spine...
So she stood there talking to the driver for a couple minutes then she sat down in one of the seats in the front...
I figured everything would get better from there, but then I realized the retarded kid was looking back my way... I made the mistake of making eye contact with him once... he is always looking back at me... he is really really retarded... slobbery kinda retarded, you know... he often gets up and changes seats, will often sit near someone and start shouting at them about something or other... I saw him looking back at me then realized that he was actually looking back to see if his favorite seat was available... he likes to sit in the seat where the freaky dude was sitting... I have seen him get all anxious when someone takes his seat, he starts wondering up and down the aisles and shit, trying out all the empty seats he can.. and then, if his favorite becomes available he makes a run for it... unless he falls asleep in the seat he is already in... he drools, and I have seen him leave puddles on seats and shit...
and then, and then, we finally got to the freeway exit and a bunch of people got off the bus, but then the Sausage gets on and he has a full on white afro now... not really an afro but more like a puffball or something... something white and fluffy on his noggin... so he gets on and he sees me and it was like he all lit up or something... like electricity was janglin his ballsack or something... he was all like, whoa... or something, hell, I don't know, but he got all excited and shit and I had to pretend I didn't notice him looking at me...
And you know what, I finally got off the bus and my ears were ringing because I had never turned the music down, and I rode all that way without killing anyone, or crying, or anything... it just seemed so pointless, which is double strange, cause I am a big fan of perpetrating senseless violence... bam...
Labels: Random Crap
posted by Catfish at 1:10 PM
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