Badass with a capital B...

Ya'll know I'm badass, right? I mean, you are aware that I come from the westside of the valley (representin')... that I was raised on the streets of Federal Way, bust'n heads every other day, ladies danglin' from my nutsack all the time, you dig? That is where I honed my skills, became a world class cage fighter (back then we didn't have cages so we would circle up a bunch of dumpsters) and lover of ladies... Used to ride the 174, just for laughs... THAT is how badass I am, yo...
Well, check this out...
Last night I had this dream, right, where I had this viscious kitten in a box... I was careful not to shake the box too much so the kitten wouldn't get too pissed off, you know... So I would go around and try to drum up a kitten fight with other dudes that had kittens... What we would do is set the 2 kittens in a box with their kitten food, but we would put each kitten next to the food bowl for the other, so that when they started eating the other kittens food the other kitten would get all sorts of pissed off and start fighting... then we would bet on who's kitten was going to win and we would punch each other on the shoulders and shit... So this dude came rolling up in his sweet ass ride, you know, and he got out and had his kitten box and I was like: Hey, lets do it... but he didn't want to and I was all like: Come on, punk... and he wouldn't, so I looked in the box and it was just a little baby, and it was really cute, and I was like: Hey, it looks tough enough. So I grabbed it and put it in the box with my kitten and kinda shook up the box, just to get them rattled, and the little kitten started eating my kittens food and I was all thinkin': It's on now, my kitten is going to destroy that other kitten...
But then my kitten went up and started licking the little kitten while the little kitten was eating my kittens food... I was all like: WTF?!? and all my buddies started laughing at me... I shook the box a couple of times and they would just go back to eating and licking (respectively)... My buddies kept laughing at me, but I was watching the kittens and I couldn't be mad because they looked so sweet and happy in there... then I started worrying that I was a big puss or something, but also that maybe it was time to get out of the game...
Now, before ya'll start frontin' on me, you better step off... 'Cause I have this other dream I had last night...
I was picking at my fingernail, the one where the little piggy had none, next to my pinky finger... so I was pickin' and pickin, probably trying to sharpen it up so it was like a razor blade and I could shiv someone with it if I had to... you know how things like that happen sometimes... anyhow, I was pickin and pickin at it and suddenly it cracked... I looked down at it and the nail had split clear down and it was gaping open... so bad I couldn't just clip the jagged end off with some clippers, you dig... and it was bloody... didn't hurt though, hell no... so I cleaned it up best I could, you know, spit on it and wiped it on my pant leg... I was hoping it would get infected so I could squeeze the puss out in a steady stream (actually, that part really happened, but it was my dad, long story)...
So, yeah, my middle name is BADASS, yo... Catfish "BadAss" Wafer... or something like that...
DUDE!!! you wanna know how bad I am? Do you?!? Check this out...
You know how today is buddha day, kinda like Xmas and Easter and a little something extra (heh, a little something, more like EVERYTHING!!!) thrown in all together, right... So I made my lunch with NO MEAT!!! Yeah, no meat today... then I was thinking about doing the right thing ALL DAY LONG, like not cussin' or having inappropiate sex (seems right to me, how can it be wrong) or killing anyone... I managed most of it clear up to the point where I left the house... I swear, I was maybe 2 steps outta the crib this morning when I felt this crunching under my feet... I stopped for a second, just stood there thinking about what it could possibly be under my foot... something that could possibly crunch like that... I looked around and noticed there were no leaves or other random garbage laying around... I noted that it was reasonably clean all around me (reasonably)... The only real possibility left was that I had stepped on something that had crawled up onto the pavement... something that was not squishy, like a worm.
I lifted up my foot and took a little look... it was one of those potato bug lookin things, well, they don't really look like potato bugs, damn, what the hell are they call, you know, those things that curl up like an armadillo and you can flick them like a marble or something... anyhow, it was one of them...
In my life of regrets it is not the lives I have deliberately taken that haunt me at night, it's the ones that happened to be in the wrong place at the wrong time, I mean, damn, usually when I shoot, I shoot to kill, there ain't hardly ever a time when I accidentally hit something that I wasn't aiming for... I mean, sometimes I may hit something I hadn't planned on, you know, when I felt a need, but, damn, I hate it when I kill something that I hadn't meant to, just out of the blue... I mean, it wasn't even just a reflex savage beating or anything, I just stepped on it, man, I just stepped on it... and now it is dead... bummer...
I like to think, because it suits my purpose, that I was it's karma coming back to haunt it, or bless it... maybe this poor little thing had made some major steps and it was time for it to move on and I was the event or something that was supposed to happen to it next, I moved it on to better things... of course, where does that leave me... did I do a good thing or a bad thing? I am going to try not to think about it too much right now...