I like riding the bus
I like to ride the bus.
I look out the window and try to peak into all the cars that go by, see if I can spot anyone doing anything naughty, you know. I have seen dudes with beer, seen dudes with marijuana pipes, seen people picking their noses, etc... It's always the dudes doing something naughty, or at least not legal. Where's all the chicks driving down the road with the hoo-has hanging out? Or their skirts hitched up around their waists? Dammit, only thing I ever see chicks doing is talking or texting on their phones or maybe putting on make-up... Or looking at maps... Damn...
Most of the time, and this is twisted, I look for people I might know but don't want to know any longer... You know what I mean? Like people I used to know but would try to avoid if I saw them while I was walking in the mall... Well, actually, sometimes I am just looking for someone I might know but haven't seen in a long time and if I did see them walking down the mall I would try to bump into, unless of course they saw me first and took the appropriate action to avoid me... hhmmnn, I wonder if this happens all the time and I just don't realize it... hmmnnn...
If I did see someone I knew while I was riding on the bus there isn't much I could do about it, I think that might be the beauty of it... It's not like I can shout out at them, or knock on the window to try and get their attention, and even if I could somehow get their attention and they saw me and I saw them it would only be for a moment and there couldn't be any meaningful exchange of information... it would turn into one of those deals where I would be able to tell my lovely wife, Hey, guess who I saw while I was riding on the bus and they were driving by in a single occupancy vehicle contributing to traffic... and she would shrug or maybe say something like: Who? and I would say: this dude I used to know...
And it would most likely be a dude I used to know, if I were to bring it up...
It is very unlikely that I would say, HEY, I saw my ex-girlfriend driving down the road and she looked fabulous. Or she still had a unibrow although I had never noticed this fact myself in the time that I had known her although it is probably true because the last one didn't like to, uhhh, be feminine or something, shave her places and stuff, generally anything that you would read about in a woman's magazine about how to maintain your parts, that kind of thing... yeah, I wouldn't mention that...
Sometimes, when I am on the bus, I just kinda hide, HEY, like yesterday... I accidentally made eye contact with David, thats the retarded dudes name, David, and he looked like he wanted to make friends with me... Dude, he was heading right for me, and I didn't have anywhere to run, so I became extremely interested in my book, it was the only thing in the world that existed, OH, sorry, didn't see you standing there. He ended up sitting and talking to this dude that was in the seat right next to me, I think it went like this:
Dude: Oh-oh, here comes trouble.
David: DRRrrrrrr, here comes trouble.
Dude: Who do you think is going to win dancing with the stars?
David: UHhhmm, Drrrr... I don't know.
Dude: What about american idol, did you vote for anyone.
David: Uhhh, DRRR, YES!!!
Dude: Who?
David: Uhhh, DRRRrrrr..
Dude: Do you watch those shows?
David: Drrr... NO!!!
I had about enough at about this point and cranked up my Senheiser PMX100's to drown it out... It worked pretty good, for a moment or two, then I saw some movement and looked up and David was switching seats, so he was right across from me, and looking at me... I looked down and didn't move, maybe if I didn't move he wouldn't see me... I would sneak a peak every once in a while and he was just sitting there... but, but then, he started digging in his mouth... Dude, that was how it started last time, remember that, with the puddle, yeah... There was no puddle this time though, he was just digging around in there... apparently not finding anything, although I hate to think of what he might have lost... I bet he is one of those dudes that swallows things and you hear about on the interwebs when they talk about strange things found in peoples stomaches after they go to the doctor complaining of a stomach ache... anyhow, he ended up getting tired of sitting there and so he moved again... so then I was all alone with these 2 punks in the back... they looked like they had had a rough day, all sprawled out and quiet... one of them looked like he was about 13 but he had a smoke behind his ear, I didn't really look at the other dude... They left me alone until we got off the freeway then one of them started waving at me and said something about how he liked my ring, I said thanks and put my headphones back on and he kept talking but I pretended I didn't hear him, pretended so well that I have no idea what he said... instead of hearing his actual words I pretended he was making rainbows... that he was a unicorn and when he whinnied rainbows appeared and it was warm out and slightly damp because there had been a gentle sprinkle a minute before and now the flowers were blooming... that dude rocked...
I look out the window and try to peak into all the cars that go by, see if I can spot anyone doing anything naughty, you know. I have seen dudes with beer, seen dudes with marijuana pipes, seen people picking their noses, etc... It's always the dudes doing something naughty, or at least not legal. Where's all the chicks driving down the road with the hoo-has hanging out? Or their skirts hitched up around their waists? Dammit, only thing I ever see chicks doing is talking or texting on their phones or maybe putting on make-up... Or looking at maps... Damn...
Most of the time, and this is twisted, I look for people I might know but don't want to know any longer... You know what I mean? Like people I used to know but would try to avoid if I saw them while I was walking in the mall... Well, actually, sometimes I am just looking for someone I might know but haven't seen in a long time and if I did see them walking down the mall I would try to bump into, unless of course they saw me first and took the appropriate action to avoid me... hhmmnn, I wonder if this happens all the time and I just don't realize it... hmmnnn...
If I did see someone I knew while I was riding on the bus there isn't much I could do about it, I think that might be the beauty of it... It's not like I can shout out at them, or knock on the window to try and get their attention, and even if I could somehow get their attention and they saw me and I saw them it would only be for a moment and there couldn't be any meaningful exchange of information... it would turn into one of those deals where I would be able to tell my lovely wife, Hey, guess who I saw while I was riding on the bus and they were driving by in a single occupancy vehicle contributing to traffic... and she would shrug or maybe say something like: Who? and I would say: this dude I used to know...
And it would most likely be a dude I used to know, if I were to bring it up...
It is very unlikely that I would say, HEY, I saw my ex-girlfriend driving down the road and she looked fabulous. Or she still had a unibrow although I had never noticed this fact myself in the time that I had known her although it is probably true because the last one didn't like to, uhhh, be feminine or something, shave her places and stuff, generally anything that you would read about in a woman's magazine about how to maintain your parts, that kind of thing... yeah, I wouldn't mention that...
Sometimes, when I am on the bus, I just kinda hide, HEY, like yesterday... I accidentally made eye contact with David, thats the retarded dudes name, David, and he looked like he wanted to make friends with me... Dude, he was heading right for me, and I didn't have anywhere to run, so I became extremely interested in my book, it was the only thing in the world that existed, OH, sorry, didn't see you standing there. He ended up sitting and talking to this dude that was in the seat right next to me, I think it went like this:
Dude: Oh-oh, here comes trouble.
David: DRRrrrrrr, here comes trouble.
Dude: Who do you think is going to win dancing with the stars?
David: UHhhmm, Drrrr... I don't know.
Dude: What about american idol, did you vote for anyone.
David: Uhhh, DRRR, YES!!!
Dude: Who?
David: Uhhh, DRRRrrrr..
Dude: Do you watch those shows?
David: Drrr... NO!!!
I had about enough at about this point and cranked up my Senheiser PMX100's to drown it out... It worked pretty good, for a moment or two, then I saw some movement and looked up and David was switching seats, so he was right across from me, and looking at me... I looked down and didn't move, maybe if I didn't move he wouldn't see me... I would sneak a peak every once in a while and he was just sitting there... but, but then, he started digging in his mouth... Dude, that was how it started last time, remember that, with the puddle, yeah... There was no puddle this time though, he was just digging around in there... apparently not finding anything, although I hate to think of what he might have lost... I bet he is one of those dudes that swallows things and you hear about on the interwebs when they talk about strange things found in peoples stomaches after they go to the doctor complaining of a stomach ache... anyhow, he ended up getting tired of sitting there and so he moved again... so then I was all alone with these 2 punks in the back... they looked like they had had a rough day, all sprawled out and quiet... one of them looked like he was about 13 but he had a smoke behind his ear, I didn't really look at the other dude... They left me alone until we got off the freeway then one of them started waving at me and said something about how he liked my ring, I said thanks and put my headphones back on and he kept talking but I pretended I didn't hear him, pretended so well that I have no idea what he said... instead of hearing his actual words I pretended he was making rainbows... that he was a unicorn and when he whinnied rainbows appeared and it was warm out and slightly damp because there had been a gentle sprinkle a minute before and now the flowers were blooming... that dude rocked...
posted by Catfish at 10:12 AM
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