Sofa King We Tard Ed Proof

Occassionally I have been known to exagerate a bit, to expand the truth to its breaking point, or outright make shit up... Or have I?!? I submit to you that everything I say here is the gawd hawnest truth!!!
You need proof? You don't trust me and you want me to somehow "back up" my claims?
FINE!!!
See that there picture up there? I took that on the bus yesterday. Right there at the tippy end of the error, you see that??? You know what that is? Thats right... a puddle... made by a retarded kid. I watched him make it... Dammit... the seat started out dry, it was dry when I got there... I was actually sitting in the seat in front of him but had to move 'cause... well, he was making noises... juicy gushy noises... so I moved... and I watched as he made his puddle...
I don't know what the hell he was doing, I really don't... I would look his way and there would be some moistness, you know, then I would look away, fighting the gag reflex (insert oral sex joke here)... then I would look back and it would be, well, more moist, then downright damp, then, uh, well, wet, then really wet and puddly...
It was like magic, it really was... like some David Blaine trick or something... How did he get it there? I don't know... omg, I'm so freaked out...
And you just KNOW he left it there... some poor sucker probably sat in it later, thinking it was just, like, rain or something...
Hell, I probably sat in some of his juice at one point or another... them buses are nasty...
I guess the take away we get from this would be:
A) You can believe everything I tell you
B) After you touch my butt you probably don't want to rub your eye or touch some other "sensetive" spots because I may have sat in a retarded kids puddle...
C) Don't be scared to touch my butt, though... that is what the message is NOT...