Minding my own business. A hole?
I went to the doctor the other day for a full check-up, but the Dr. didn't stick his finger up my butt or fondle my nuts or nothing. Well, the nurse DID give me a shot, but it wasn't in my butt so that doesn't count either.
Anyhow, the doctor was asking me some questions and I was answering his questions and I was all like: Hey, Dude!!! I feel, like, uncomfortable all the time.
And he was like: HUH???
And then I was like: Yeah. Like at night my wife says I grind my teeth and toss and turn all the time, and I feel tired all the time and my legs and arms and down the side of my back feel, well, creepy crawly and shit.
And he was all like: Go on...
So I said: Yeah. I feel like, I don't know, uncomfortable. Like I gotta move my legs and I can't get comfortable for more than a couple minutes and I wake up at night many times and have to try and get back to sleep and stuff.
So he goes: WOW!
Then he asked me some random questions, like do I sometimes blurt shit out. I told him NO.
Do I kick and squirm? Uh, I guess I squirm but don't think I kick...
And it went on from there and he was all like: Hey, I think you have RLS, and perhaps PLMS and maybe Apnea...
And I was all thinking: OK, so gimme something to stop it...
And he was all like: You... definitely... qualify... for.... (YES?!?!?)... a sleep study.
So yeah, basically he didn't gimme anything but a phone number, wants me to go and sleep somewhere and have a bunch of people watch me.
So I called the number and some little Asian sounding technician answered and I told him I needed to schedule a sleep study, he told me I called the lab and transferred me to a different number.
Some white sounding chick answered, I told her I needed to schedule a sleep study, she said they didn't do them there and to call this other number.
I called the other number and this older chubby white sounding lady answered and I told her I needed to schedule a sleep study. She asked me for my info and said NO!!! You need to schedule a consultation. She gave me a different number to call and told me to ask for K and tell her I needed to schedule a consultation with Dr. M. I asked her if Karen what color K was... not really...
So I called this other number and an angry Japanese sounding woman answered. She told me to hold. So I held. A couple minutes later she picked up and asked me what I wanted, I told her I needed to speak with K. She told me to hold. She picked up a few minutes later and told me K was on the other line, would I mind holding, I said that would be fine. A couple minutes later this black dude picked up the phone and said hello, I told him I was waiting for K and he put me on hold. K finally picked up the phone and she sounded tired and busy. I told her what I needed and she put me on hold. She picked back up, and long story short I have a consultation on the 20th.
I started studying up on RLS and found that it was almost exactly as I described it to the Dr.. It doesn't just happen at night, but you can feel all uncomfortable all day long, kinda like you have electricity coursing through your muscles. It gets worse at night. Sometimes a hot shower will help. They don't know what causes it, but it IS apparently hereditary (Thanks DAD!!!). It can start at any time. Basically the only thing they can do is try giving you different drugs and see which one works.
Dude, have you seen the commercials on TV for RLS drugs? They sound nasty. Like you might fall asleep in the middle of the day and have unnatural urges... like maybe buying shit from QVC when you don't really want to... or perhaps start acting out in strange sexual ways... which, on top of my already over the top sexuality would be like, uh... pouring gas on a fire or something... sounds fun...
Otherwise they give you things like Valium type drugs, or codeine, or anti-seizure drugs... I found no reference to medical marijuana, but this might be my ticket to ride, eh???
But now I have to wait a couple weeks, and I swear it is getting worse... I can feel it now... I am probably all psycho-somatic or something. Got the idea in my head and now my mind is running away with it... I don't know, but I feel like I am going crazy...
Soooo tired... haven't slept well the last couple nights, but there are probably other reasons for that...
Had these dreams last night, really strange... I was hanging out with my aunt and cousin and we were in this old house but people were selling hippie shit out in the living room or lobby or something, and I was telling my girls about how I used to love this one incense but not this other, and then I was in the kitchen and they were drinking in there and I wanted to drink but I had to go cook something, so I took this meat outside but all the bbq's were already being used in the park but these dudes were all like, hey, you can come over to our place and bbq, so I went back in the house for some reason and then went back out and over to the dudes house and they had a huge bbq and I was going to start cooking except it was really messy and then I looked in the other room and there were all these beds and all these dudes in their underwear and t-shirts (all in white) and they were jumping on the beds and having pillow fights, and I was all like, WTF?!? and so I left and went back to the house and everyone was gone, so I went in this other room and there was this ex girlfriend of mine and we were going to have sex or something, and so I was following her somewhere and she started moaning and stuff and I was all like, HEY, I haven't even started yet, and she was all like, oh, yeah, I will wait, and she got in bed and pretended to be asleep so I went back out of the room and found her pants and decided I was going to steal any money she had in them, and so I went through her pockets but then I remembered she was poor and never had any money so I dropped her pants and started to leave the room and then I heard some more moaning and I was like, goddammit... and I went over and looked over this wall and there was Monica and Ross from Friends and they were having sex and I was all like, hey, that's hot, then I thought, HEY, they are supposed to be brother and sister, that's gross... and they saw me and started acting all sheepish so I left and went back into the kitchen and stole a bottle of wine and went outside and I was on this empty freeway and there was a car with an open door and I was going to get in but I was paranoid because I had this bottle of wine and the car wasn't mine and if I got pulled over I would either get busted for being drunk or for stealing the car... I think there was some other stuff that happened, but heck, I think you get the picture...
Anyhow, the doctor was asking me some questions and I was answering his questions and I was all like: Hey, Dude!!! I feel, like, uncomfortable all the time.
And he was like: HUH???
And then I was like: Yeah. Like at night my wife says I grind my teeth and toss and turn all the time, and I feel tired all the time and my legs and arms and down the side of my back feel, well, creepy crawly and shit.
And he was all like: Go on...
So I said: Yeah. I feel like, I don't know, uncomfortable. Like I gotta move my legs and I can't get comfortable for more than a couple minutes and I wake up at night many times and have to try and get back to sleep and stuff.
So he goes: WOW!
Then he asked me some random questions, like do I sometimes blurt shit out. I told him NO.
Do I kick and squirm? Uh, I guess I squirm but don't think I kick...
And it went on from there and he was all like: Hey, I think you have RLS, and perhaps PLMS and maybe Apnea...
And I was all thinking: OK, so gimme something to stop it...
And he was all like: You... definitely... qualify... for.... (YES?!?!?)... a sleep study.
So yeah, basically he didn't gimme anything but a phone number, wants me to go and sleep somewhere and have a bunch of people watch me.
So I called the number and some little Asian sounding technician answered and I told him I needed to schedule a sleep study, he told me I called the lab and transferred me to a different number.
Some white sounding chick answered, I told her I needed to schedule a sleep study, she said they didn't do them there and to call this other number.
I called the other number and this older chubby white sounding lady answered and I told her I needed to schedule a sleep study. She asked me for my info and said NO!!! You need to schedule a consultation. She gave me a different number to call and told me to ask for K and tell her I needed to schedule a consultation with Dr. M. I asked her if Karen what color K was... not really...
So I called this other number and an angry Japanese sounding woman answered. She told me to hold. So I held. A couple minutes later she picked up and asked me what I wanted, I told her I needed to speak with K. She told me to hold. She picked up a few minutes later and told me K was on the other line, would I mind holding, I said that would be fine. A couple minutes later this black dude picked up the phone and said hello, I told him I was waiting for K and he put me on hold. K finally picked up the phone and she sounded tired and busy. I told her what I needed and she put me on hold. She picked back up, and long story short I have a consultation on the 20th.
I started studying up on RLS and found that it was almost exactly as I described it to the Dr.. It doesn't just happen at night, but you can feel all uncomfortable all day long, kinda like you have electricity coursing through your muscles. It gets worse at night. Sometimes a hot shower will help. They don't know what causes it, but it IS apparently hereditary (Thanks DAD!!!). It can start at any time. Basically the only thing they can do is try giving you different drugs and see which one works.
Dude, have you seen the commercials on TV for RLS drugs? They sound nasty. Like you might fall asleep in the middle of the day and have unnatural urges... like maybe buying shit from QVC when you don't really want to... or perhaps start acting out in strange sexual ways... which, on top of my already over the top sexuality would be like, uh... pouring gas on a fire or something... sounds fun...
Otherwise they give you things like Valium type drugs, or codeine, or anti-seizure drugs... I found no reference to medical marijuana, but this might be my ticket to ride, eh???
But now I have to wait a couple weeks, and I swear it is getting worse... I can feel it now... I am probably all psycho-somatic or something. Got the idea in my head and now my mind is running away with it... I don't know, but I feel like I am going crazy...
Soooo tired... haven't slept well the last couple nights, but there are probably other reasons for that...
Had these dreams last night, really strange... I was hanging out with my aunt and cousin and we were in this old house but people were selling hippie shit out in the living room or lobby or something, and I was telling my girls about how I used to love this one incense but not this other, and then I was in the kitchen and they were drinking in there and I wanted to drink but I had to go cook something, so I took this meat outside but all the bbq's were already being used in the park but these dudes were all like, hey, you can come over to our place and bbq, so I went back in the house for some reason and then went back out and over to the dudes house and they had a huge bbq and I was going to start cooking except it was really messy and then I looked in the other room and there were all these beds and all these dudes in their underwear and t-shirts (all in white) and they were jumping on the beds and having pillow fights, and I was all like, WTF?!? and so I left and went back to the house and everyone was gone, so I went in this other room and there was this ex girlfriend of mine and we were going to have sex or something, and so I was following her somewhere and she started moaning and stuff and I was all like, HEY, I haven't even started yet, and she was all like, oh, yeah, I will wait, and she got in bed and pretended to be asleep so I went back out of the room and found her pants and decided I was going to steal any money she had in them, and so I went through her pockets but then I remembered she was poor and never had any money so I dropped her pants and started to leave the room and then I heard some more moaning and I was like, goddammit... and I went over and looked over this wall and there was Monica and Ross from Friends and they were having sex and I was all like, hey, that's hot, then I thought, HEY, they are supposed to be brother and sister, that's gross... and they saw me and started acting all sheepish so I left and went back into the kitchen and stole a bottle of wine and went outside and I was on this empty freeway and there was a car with an open door and I was going to get in but I was paranoid because I had this bottle of wine and the car wasn't mine and if I got pulled over I would either get busted for being drunk or for stealing the car... I think there was some other stuff that happened, but heck, I think you get the picture...
posted by Catfish at 8:22 AM
