Happy happy random crappy

Hey, you know what tomorrow is, don't you? Besides Kittens b-day? How many fingers do you need to hold up to count to FOXY?!?
Anyhow, tomorrow, with the full moon, is Vesak or Buddha Purnima... it is the most holy time in the Buddhist calendar... With the Taurus fool moon the birth, death and enlightenment of Buddha is celebrated... Gautama that is, not the other ones... it also means there will be no tech support for the next couple of days...
Anyway, in case you were wondering how to celebrate tomorrow, you must first off make special efforts not to kill anything... got that?
Also, make special efforts to bring happiness to others... so be nice and shit... got that?
Ahh, heck, here is a list...
1. Not to kill
2. Not to steal
3. Not to engage in improper sexual activity
4. Not to indulge in wrong speech
5. Not to take intoxicating drinks and drugs
6. To abstain from taking food at unreasonable times
7. To refrain from sensual pleasures such as dancing, singing and self-adornment
8. To refrain from using high and luxurious seats in order to practice humility.

So either, do, or don't do, as the case may be, as the list above dictates... and, YO, if you are looking at the list and wondering who determines what improper sexual activity is, well, you can just run it by me and I will tell you... just whisper it in my ear...
But really, you know how on xmas we all seem to get up early and sit around opening presents and eating like pigs and stuff? Well, tomorrow, there will be something like a billion people all NOT eating like pigs, and giving presents like flowers and candles and incense and stuff to others to remind everyone ...that just as the beautiful flowers would wither away after a short while and the candles and joss-sticks would soon burn out, so too is life subject to decay and destruction
So, there is your Buddha lesson for the day... do the right thing...

***

I must have been tired on Friday. Really really tired, because whenever I have thunk about it since then my sphincter tightens up and I see flashing lights and sounds...
See, I got on the bus up here on 2nd ave, right, and it is always strange... like a bunch of pigs running to the trough, when the bus shows up there is a bunch of running and pushing and squealing... and I just kinda move through the crowd like a crazy ninja or something, you know... anyhow...
So I got on the bus at the back doors and I could see that all the good seats were taken and I could see the retarded kid coming towards me down the aisle so I turned around and headed back to the couch type seat by the back door... as soon as I sat down I regret ed it... OK, so dig this, I was facing the door, right, and to my right on the door side of the bus was this dude in these shorts and a t-shirt and he was super freaky... it looked like he had thought about shaving his legs then forgot about it then thought about it again then decided to do something different. There were all these tufts of hair popping up around these bare parts of skin... I studied this at length 'cause it was so freaky to look at... that and he was dressed like some dude that had had to escape from somewhere naked and ended up stealing someone elses clothes or something... he just really looked out of place...
And he was talking to someone, someone on my side of the bus, right across the aisle from where he was sitting. They were talking about cell phones and he was saying something about text messaging, and she was saying she couldn't do that, and he said that was strange, everyone can text message and she said something like, well how do you do it? and he was saying something about hitting the numbers and then hitting the send button and she says that it costs money, and he says it doesn't for him and she says "are you saying I should cancel my cell phone service?" and he was all like, well, who are you with and she said t-mobile and he said that she should call up and ask for free messaging and she asked how she does that, and he told her to just call them the hell up and ask them, and she said "and they will just give it to me?" and he said, "well, it depends on how you ask" and she said, something and he said something, and it was like, everytime he said something she would reply with a question that was totally out of left field... and so he would try to answer this new question and she would then ask a question relating to the first topic... it kept going back and forth like that... I finally cranked up my music to as high as it would go just so I wouldn't be able to hear any more of the conversation, I left off at the point where she was screaming at him to show her how to do something, but don't show her, tell her how to do it and he was all like, well I don't know...
So even though I had my volume up I could feel the vibrations so I knew it was still going on, so I spent a couple minutes calculating how many different ways I could run my fist through her... I thought of being all stealthy so she wouldn't know what hit her, then I figured out how I could do it so she would see it coming and I could see her eyes as I squeezed her heart... then I figured I could just throw her out the window and let someone run over her... or maybe I could just block her windpipe for a while, until she passed out, but what fun would that be, you know...
and DUDE!!! I had just about decided on a plan of attach when all of a sudden she is walking by me... We were still busting down the freeway and she was walking to the front of the bus... this put me on high alert... best case scenario she would get the front doors open and fall out into traffic, worse case would involve her molesting the bus driver and I would have to jump up and snap her spine...
So she stood there talking to the driver for a couple minutes then she sat down in one of the seats in the front...
I figured everything would get better from there, but then I realized the retarded kid was looking back my way... I made the mistake of making eye contact with him once... he is always looking back at me... he is really really retarded... slobbery kinda retarded, you know... he often gets up and changes seats, will often sit near someone and start shouting at them about something or other... I saw him looking back at me then realized that he was actually looking back to see if his favorite seat was available... he likes to sit in the seat where the freaky dude was sitting... I have seen him get all anxious when someone takes his seat, he starts wondering up and down the aisles and shit, trying out all the empty seats he can.. and then, if his favorite becomes available he makes a run for it... unless he falls asleep in the seat he is already in... he drools, and I have seen him leave puddles on seats and shit...
and then, and then, we finally got to the freeway exit and a bunch of people got off the bus, but then the Sausage gets on and he has a full on white afro now... not really an afro but more like a puffball or something... something white and fluffy on his noggin... so he gets on and he sees me and it was like he all lit up or something... like electricity was janglin his ballsack or something... he was all like, whoa... or something, hell, I don't know, but he got all excited and shit and I had to pretend I didn't notice him looking at me...
And you know what, I finally got off the bus and my ears were ringing because I had never turned the music down, and I rode all that way without killing anyone, or crying, or anything... it just seemed so pointless, which is double strange, cause I am a big fan of perpetrating senseless violence... bam...

It's all about me, isn't it...

Seeing as someone did this yesterday and I have nothing real to say I figured I would tell you 10 things you may not know about me... Figured I would do 10 because I can't think of 20 things... my life is an open book so...
1) I am getting my hair cut tomorrow
2) I have somewhat wide feet and High arches, and you know what they say about dudes with wide feet and high arches...
3) I smell real good most of the time, probably around 90% or so... of the time...
4) I should have taken up my old boss on his offer to go to cooking school
5) I have never seen you naked but would like to... well, most of you... just to say I had... you know, in case it came up in conversation...
6) I firmly believe that the wu-tang clan ain't nothin' to fuck with
7) I am apparently going to be getting... a facial?!?! on May 25th. WTF?!? uhhh...
8) I like jazz music, red wine, and chocolate all at the same time... or individually, I'm easy... actually, though, I don't like jazz fusion or the crap you hear on that warm jazz station, and I don't really prefer wine to most things, and I am not a big fan of milk chocolate... not sure what the take away is here...
9) I have deja vu all the time, several times a day... this most likely is a result of the time travel that I do...
10) I have wanted to get a tattoo for a LONG time... as of NOW I am thinking of getting a dharmachakra or a Buddhapada... hmmnnn

Confessions

Rob Halford with Black Sabbath - Sweet Leaf

So, remember about a year ago, when I "quit" smoking? Yeah, that lasted about 4 or 5 months... Then I was all sneaky deaky smoking again... not a lot, less than before, but still, I guess you either ARE or AREN'T smoking...
Now, listen, smoking is kinda romantic... I know, I know, most of you are gonna flip out at that, but, dig this, it is... at least to me... There is just something about it...
There is the ritual, of buying a new pack and slapping it against the palm of my hand to get the tobacco nice and tight... ripping the cellophane off, taking that little foil deal off and pulling a fresh smoke out of the pack, lighting it like a pro... that first puff you take to make sure the cigarette is good and lit... then just chilling out, kicking back, no task at hand or urgent something or other than you are in the midst of. It is a true break... the only expectation is that you are going to sit there for about 10 minutes not doing shit but smoking... It is totally relaxing and, at the end, there is nothing to show for it except being done and a nice buzz... yeah...
They are always there for you, except when they ain't, at which point there is some separation anxiety... even if you just got done having a smoke, but it was your last one, there is a sense of separation, like your lover is out of town... at this point you have to make arrangements to get some more, one more pack, but you usually have to make it worthwhile, you know, so it doesn't appear you are being a stalker... there must be SOME other reason to be going to the store... maybe you need gas in your car, or some gum, or something, you know: Hey, I was just in the neighborhood and thought I would swing by and see how you are doing, my darling tobacco...
But ultimately you are really just getting another pack...
Time, time becomes dictated by how many smokes it takes to do something, or how you can arrange time so that you can fit a smoke it... You know how long it is going to take you to smoke so you arrange your pace around it... Like I know it takes 2 smokes to drive from my home to my old job, it takes more than a smoke to walk from the bus stop to my house, 1 to the store, 1 smoke to for my bowl noodle to cook...
That first one in the morning, oh lawdy... my coffee cannot brew fast enough to get me out on the porch for that first one... and there is nothing like sitting there in the early morning dew, having that first smoke and drinking my coffee... Whew... it is like your lover reaching out to you and and pulling you in... ahh, baby...
Lots of people say the same things over and over, though... about how it is gross, it smells, it makes you teeth yellow, it is dirty, blah blah blah... but you know, I love the smell of tobacco burning in the wind... the taste as it mingles with coffee, or a beer or something... the buzz... all that shit...
But... you know what... I quit again... a little over a month ago... I wouldn't have, but my lovely wife told me we should, and so I did...
But NOW, you know what... I have been slapping a patch on my arm every morning, Step 2... and let me tell you... YEAH!!! Man oh man... I get out of the shower in the morning and peel that patch out of the wrapper and slap it on my arm and BAM!!! Well, not really BAM... it takes some time... about 10 minutes or so... about the time I get to the busstop I am starting to feel it... Wow, its FANTASTIC!!! Well, not at first, at first I feel a little queasy... A little sick to my tummy... but then it is all good... it takes me up that hill and keeps me there ALL FRIGGIN' DAY!!! it is like a big hug starting from the inside and wrapping itself around you...
Of course, if I forget to take it off at night I have the freakiest dreams... Can't even describe it... strange... There was this one, where I was a baseball player and I was throwing to first base (we were playing the Yankees) and I overthrew the first baseman and the right fielder didn't swing around to cover like they should so I went over and yelled at him about what he is supposed to do, and one of the Yankees came over and told me to chill out because it didn't really matter because we were going to lose anyway and I agreed... There was more to it than that, but it is kinda vague now...
Anyhow, I quit smoking again, although I keep thinking that a smoke would go good with one of these patches occasionally, just a little boost, you know... but it never goes any farther than that...

Say Hello to my Chinese Friend... Chu-Ching!!!

Everything depends upon how near you stand to me

And this was the reason I was getting so much action in High School... Anybody want a mustache ride? Yeah!!!

***
So my lovely wife will be out of town starting tomorrow and coming back next week... Ladies, listen, this is not an open invitation for some fantastic passionate booty calls... Boys too... Don't "happen to be in the neighborhood and thought I'd stop by" or show up wearing nothing more than a long coat, or maybe some sexy underwear with the stuff on it and those things... NO!!! I mean, just because the kids are going to be staying over at grandma's house doesn't make it a swinging bachelors pad... Don't be thinking you gonna be gettin all up in it... NO!!! My heart belongs to my old lady, yo... My package, too... So just leave me be... I don't want to have any akward conversations at the door where you try to force your way in and I have to get rough with you... maybe smack you around a bit... Or some bizarre catfights when a couple of you happen to be sharkin' around and run into each other and start fighting over who gets me first... 'cause neither of you do...
NO, I am just talkin' here, you know, just saying: Hey, my old lady is going to be out of town... I plan on eating pizza... I plan on digging some big hunk of meat out of the freazer and cooking it all day long, making it tasty and shit... I will probably do some cleaning and sit in silence for a while... cry myself to sleep and worry about all the bad things that could possibly happen... and you know what? I will probably get scared in the middle of the night, maybe because I heard a noise and I left my numchucks in the other room, or because there might be ghosts or something floating around and I don't have the covers pulled up high enough to protect myself from them...
I have been in this type of situation before, all on my own, although for short periods of time, and I seem to just kinda revert to some something something, uhh, something about absolute freedom and not knowing what to do with it... usually I just end up doing pushups and flexing in the mirror for hours on end... toughening up swift and justi on some wooden planks, you know, that kind of thing...
This time, though, this time, I don't know... I just don't know...
I could call some people up, but you know, I hate people... not ya'll of course, but everyone else... I could GO somewhere, DO something... like, uhhh, damn, why does Target pop into my head?!? Yes, that would be FANTASTIC... Go to the mall, get a coffee and sit and watch people go by... Damn... I am completely blank...
Suggestions??? Anyone???

****
It's the little things:
Dude, the thing about working with Sales Dudes is that they drink a lot of coffee. Then they go to the bathroom all the time... Dude, I just went into the bathroom and it was empty, stinky, but empty... so I decided to go for it, but as soon as I sat down there was a steady stream of people coming in... I counted 8 different dudes that came in, one at a time, just as one would get done and go wash their hands a new one would come in the door... after 8 I gave up and left, just left... couldn't focus.. yeah, another poop story... go figure...
Dude, another thing about working with sales people all friggin' day is that YOU GOTTA WORK WITH SALES PEOPLE ALL FRIGGIN' DAY... Picture Glengary Glenross all day long... or any number of other movies about sales... and it is just like that... it makes me uneasy at times... I don't understand their lingo... I just nod and smile...
Dude, the product I am working with is sooooo hardcore... it is so futuristic... it talks to me, it tells me to jump out the window... it told me yesterday to punch out the office manager... not really, I joke... but it does keep me occupied and I don't sleep through my day... it's cool... I have entered each of the shiny happy friends into it... just for kicks... except for the REDBEAR since he doesn't want to be friends anymore...

****
Today the bus was late, and there was extra heavy traffic on the freeway, and the driver we had, for the last 3 days, decides to turn on the busway instead of going down 4th ave, and there have been ALL THESE PEOPLE getting on at King Street, fresh off the train, I imagine, and I had to sit in the back of the bus and had to make small talk with this dude, oh, and when I was getting ON the bus I grabbed one of the poles that they have attached to some off the seats and the pole BROKE OFF IN MY HAND, well, not completely, it just came loose at the bottom and was jutting out into the aisle, I kept moving... Now I am scared to ride the bus back home tonight... Dammit, I expect my bus riding to be TOP NOTCH!!! Easily moving from one stop to another, noone talking to me, a sweet seat, and no blood on my hands when I get off... oh, and no smells, tired of smelling things on the bus... Oh, and no more bad poetry... and the driver shouldn't be hitting the breaks all the time... I SWEAR TO GAWD I WILL KILL SOMEONE TONIGHT IF MY DEMANDS ARE NOT MET!!! So there...

But all of that's what the point is not...

I get the strangest traffic to my blog sometimes... for real, dude... I don't know, it typically feels that, seeing as how the center of the known universe is in my pants, that the universe wouldn't extend, well, you know, clear accross the country.
I have often mentioned about how the rest of the world is not real and everything that happens is just stimulation from the creator or someone, designed to see what I do next, which idea I stole directly from Kurt Vonnegut, so it goes... I don't REALLY believe this, you know, but I like to think about it from time to time... so when I see people coming to my blog from Washington D.C. or Groton, Connecticut or Berkley, CA or New York or China or, HOLY SHIT!!! Tangiers... Well, Tangiers was not looking for me... they were looking for "Sexy Strems", THEY are famous too!!! Uhh, that sentence didn't end correctly, but basically I am thinking to myself: Who the hell are these people, and can I crash at their place sometime... Not that I mind, not at all... I like to think that it is some sort of word of mouth thing going on, where someone I do know told someone I don't know to check out this dude that seems to think he is funny... Or a bunch of women looking for their baby daddy, a whole bunch of them, they all want me to be their baby daddy... uhh...
Anyway, who the hell are you people? Damn... Although, although, you know, I may not really want to know... I mean, really, it's not like having a sore or something and going to the dr. because you are supposed to but you really don't want to know because you are scared the dr. is going to say it's something awful, but he might say it ain't nothing, well, actually it is exactly like that... like I may say, who the hell are you and you tell me and I am all like, Oh... Oh, damn!!!
You know what it is like, it is like I am getting ready for bed, and I kneel down next to the bed to say my prayers and I am all like: Are you there god? It's me, Catfish... and all of a sudden you hear: NO!!! it is ME, SATAN!!! and you owe me MONEY... and your SOUL!!! and I am fucked, well, on the money part, cause CASH IS KING... Soul, well I got soul to spare, so it wouldn't be no big deal...
But the pressure is really on you... I imagine it would be hard to, you know, reach out, say HEY or something, because, what if I don't say HEY back, because you suck or something...
YOU: Can I touch you, Jebus?
Me: NO!
YOU: Is my baby cute?
Me: Uh, no...
YOU: Love me!!!
Me: I gotta go now...
So, where does that leave us, you and me, me and you? Probably where we already are... I'm just talkin', you know... Not saying anything, just talkin'...

****
It's the little things: (a new feature)
Over here, where I spend all my time now, when you go into the bathroom, there are NO boogers on the wall. It's a fact.
Over here, they have a pop machine that has FREE pop, and the snack machine, everything in it is 25 cents, everything... and there is beer in the fridge, good beer, Heineken... and an automatic coffee making machine, but a good one, and you know what??? It has not broken down, NOT ONCE, since I have been here... It's a fact...
Over here, I feel like a big boy, and it is kind of scary...

Hey all ya'll...

So, the other day I am waiting for the bus, when this chick comes walking up to the stop (this was in the morning) with this other chick... Now dig this, I know the one chick from the bus stop, she is there most mornings, I know the other chick because she is the daughter of this chick that we dog sit for (ADO)... I was all like, "HEY!" and she was all like, "HI" and we chit chatted about how we knew each other and what she was doing at the bus stop so early in the morning... it was all very innocent.
So we got on the bus and I got this sweet seat at the front, facing forward like a big boy, and these chicks sit on the bench seat directly in front of me. The daugther of the chick who we dog sit for was sitting closest to me... about this far away [---], you know, pretty close.
So I put on my headphones and start listening to my music and signing in my head (I sing very well in my head) and trying not to bob my head or tap my foot... It was a mellow day on the bus... I didn't need to put anyone in their place, you know, by popping them in the jaw, although I did have swift and justi at the ready, just in case... I was just looking out the window. But, out the peripheral of my vision I keep seeing these gals, talking and having a good time... The bus was rocking and swaying... I shifted in my seat, ended up a little closer to the one gal. We hit a bump and I ended up moving a little, closer... I was a little self conscious about this but didn't want to, you know, make any obvious movements away... I was trying to get away, I just didn't want her to, you know, get all excited or get the wrong idea if our knees started bumping and grinding together, over and over, just, you know, bumping and bumping and bumping then maybe grinding together with the gentle swaying of the bus, like we were on a boat in the south pacific wearing nothing but nothing... you know what I mean???
So I just kinda tried to shift away like it weren't no big thing... but my pants were slick or something, and I kept seeming to slide closer... And this went on for what seemed like FOREVER, and the road gets progressively more bumpy and bumpy, and I was scared to look, but it seemed like everytime the bus went BUMP my knee when GRIND, bump and grind, bump and grind... and I didn't want to look to see what my knee was grinding on...
Finally... finally we were downtown, we got to the courthouse, and the one gal got off the bus, I looked up and gave her a nod, like, "Good day to you" and I looked at the remaining gal, the one that I had shared so much with over the course of the last half an hour, and you know what? You know what she did? She slid down to the end of her seat so she was a good 3 to 4 feet away and she was clutching her bag to her chest. She looked at me and then she looked down to the empty space on the seat and she made this FACE at me, like she was disgusted by me or something, or like I was a space hog or something, and she was all like, "There you go you bastard pervert!!!" or like I was going to attack her or something and she was all like: "Please don't attack me!!!" Oh, she kinda played it off, like it weren't no big deal, you know, but HEY, that's my deal, if anyone were going to play it off it should have been me... But I would have done it more like it was a special gift I had given her, like: "Hey, there you go, that should give you something to think about, weren't no big deal, you know, I like to give the ladies a little something wherever I go" and maybe a little wink and a smile... glitter and shine...
Let me tell you, I was a little confused, a little embarrassed... I think I mumbled something, tried to play it off... "Have a good day?!?" or something... but I can't stop thinking about it... Did I do something wrong? I ain't one of the smelly people, am I? Was it my breath? Was I too bold? What???
Big sigh....

******************
So we had a good anniversary last week... we still love each other and stuff, it is pretty rockin'...
My lovely wife dropped the kids off at the Chows for a sleep over and she busted her ass down here so we could go to dinner. I took it on myself to make reservations for us at Etta's, which is only a short walk away... We had always wanted to go to one of Tom Douglas' restaurants, you know, and I thought this would be SWEET... We walked in the rain, holding hands, smiling and being happy.
OK, so dork of the year award coming up:
We got to the restaurant and I told them I had reservations, but looking in the dining room it was pretty obvious that we could have just walked in and gotten served, but oh well...
So we get all sat down and get our bread and I order a coffee and the waiter is all like: "Do you have any questions?" and I bust out with:
"Hey, is Tom here?!?!?!?"
DORK!!!!
I swear the waiters sphincter probably shrunk 3 sizes when I asked him that... DERRRRRR...
He said no and played it off like it weren't no big thing, but I was immediately embarrassed and my old lady let me know what a major knob I was... but with love in her eyes... I tried to keep it cool through the rest of the meal... We had oysters for an appetizer... FREAKIN' TASTY, yo... yumm...
The old lady ordered up a steak, Kobe beef... I ordered the Crab Cakes... I swear to gawd the waiter rolled his eyes when I ordered them... like I was some sort of groupie... anyhow, the meal was good, just good... We were expecting more, something magical... nope, it was just good... but at least we did it...
Then we walked back down through Pike Place, I was funny, the lovely one was happy... We went home, it was quiet... yadda yadda yadda... We ended up going to the grocery store for some ice cream and stuff... Friday evening, our anniversary, the 13th of April, 11 years later, 10ish at night, we were at the grocery store... and it was all good... We went back home, she ate ice cream and I ate peanut butter cups. She did some work on the computer, I watched a crappy Nicholas Cage movie... I stayed up late and then went to bed... slept in, it was still quiet... We watched Little Miss Sunshine, it was good... yadda yadda yadda... then the kids came home and it was loud again... But it was ok cause we missed the girls anyhow...

***
Ahhh, I am losing my steam, should wrap this bad boy up...
Let's see... Uhh, I am out of training now, done, as far as I am concerned...
Brought my camera in and am gonna take a picture of the view from the rockstar desk...
There is apparently, perhaps, a slight flare up in the Korean Conflict... Seems the mad Korean is, uhh, mad at Chuck Fishback... I am gonna stay out of it, will be Denmark in this instance (screw the Swiss)...
Oh, and I noticed that the Red Bear quit the Shiny Happy Friends and removed the link to me from his blog... this is sad to me, but I guess he felt a need to move on... So it goes...

11 and life to go...

Ok, so the last couple of weeks have been busy and stressful, but I finally made it over the hump, and speaking of humping, as I am wanting desirous of (uhh, speaking of and actually doing) I finally find myself somewhat free...
Not really free, really, since today marks the 11th anniversary of the day I promised everything to my old lady. Best thing I ever done. You know, really... I have never looked back and thought to myself "Damn, what was I thinking?!?"... It's the BEST!!!
More likely than not, if I look back I see, in slow motion, this bullet wizzing by my head... I see myself dodging and weaving and clawing up this huge mountain, and at the top I find these magic words and tight jeans (and plaid coat) and somehow I have lost my shoes, and somewhere in there this magic lasso appears and I am swinging it around my head and BAM!!! I catch that little filly...
Not really sure how I did it, but I must have been awful slick at one point... She RAWKS!!!
It is pretty wild, where you end up... sometimes I think about it... you know, after you get married and things settle or something... we have been here, we have been there, we have had interesting times, and we have sat in the car driving hundreds of miles at a time not talking to each other... and I don't mean not talking to each other like we were pissed off or something, just didn't have anything to say and no reason to make small talk...
Heh, of course, on the converse, we have talked a LOT of shit (a TON, yo, a good old american ton, of shit), you know, just to just kinda scat and stuff... good times...
OH!!! Not to change the subject or anything, but GODDAMNIT!!! If you are driving through a f'n tunnel and you hear someone honking their friggin horn you are REQUIRED to honk back... WTF!?!?!?
Shave and a haircut... Toot Toot... how hard is that... DUDE!!! how many times have I driven through a tunnel, honking my horn, and noone answers me back??? I think it says, somewhere, in the Washington state drivers manual, that if you are in a tunnel you honk your goddamn horn... either in response, or to illicit(sp?) a response...
If I EVER catch you in a tunnel and you are NOT honking your horn I am going to kick you in the nads... even if you are a woman... I will find them... and I will kick you in your girl nads... your horn WILL honk, even if it is just because you are doubled over in pain and your head is hitting the horn.... HONK IT!!! Damn!!!
Oh, and HEY BABY!!! I love you more than anything... thank you thank you thank you...

Finally... a post with some heart or something

Everything is different now... really different... it is hard to explain, mostly because I am tired and confused, but, lets see what happens...
Ahh, shit... I am trying to think of something witty to say but it just ain't coming...
Let me tell you what... I am tired, they have us starting class at 8am but I get there somewhere around 7:20... then we do shit all day and end up getting out at like 5:20 this afternoon... whats that, like 14 hours or something, right? I get home at 6:20, then... and I am supposed to be doing homework or something, oh, on my sweet ass new laptop... with the AMD Athlon 64 x2 Dual-Core Processor... so thats pretty cool...
So working 14 hours a day and also having my entire world turned upside down, damn, it takes a lot out of you... I ride the bus clear down to the heart of downtown, which is pretty cool... check it out... I get off the bus outside the Seattle Library and go down hill 5 blocks... the hill is hella steep, it hurts my calves (or calfs, whatever) and I pass by all these hotels and restaurants and when I go by this one place I always smell bacon cooking... nice...
so I walk a block and stop, wait for the light to change, walk a block and stop, several times... and there are all these other people doing the same thing, but in all sorts of other directions, and we all look FANTASTIC... actually, no, many of THEM are not the beautiful people... you see the strangest things down there, and I swear, down there on the corner of first and madison there was a puddle of man juice laying there, you know, man juice... uhh... Oh, dude, there is an Aveda store RIGHT FRIGGIN THERE like a block from my office, can you believe it? I am gonna hit them up one of these afternoons... I love their pomade... and we can't all have fantastic naturally shiny hair like Kitten Chow has (I told her this the other day, so she won't be suprised, but to be honest, I only felt comfortable telling her because my lovely wife was there to run interference so Kitten wouldn't turn up the charm and try to seduce me again, cause, you know, some people will take any little bit of attention that I give them as an open door and, well, you know...) uhhh...
So I go into this fancy ass brick building and there is a security guard there, in a uniform and everything, I don't know his name yet, but I will... anyhow, the top 2 floors of our building is these million dollar condos, with a private elevator and balcony gardens, etc... I don't make it up quite that high... only up to the 8th floor... but it is really fancy up there... DUDE... Chuck Fishback has probably the most fantastic desk in the city... if his desk was a hotel room they would charge $1200 a night and people would be humping there ALL THE TIME... it is that sweet... looks over the water, towards Alki... I will get some pictures... my desk, when I finally get to it, looks towards the north and I will have this fantastic view of the top of this other building, and seagulls and shit... uhh, other buildings and stuff... except I will have to get up and turn 180 degrees and look past the dude with the missing index finger and the scar running across his forehead... for real... well, maybe not the scar... anyhow... uhhh... my desk is nice...
then I spend hour after hour sitting and learning about sales or something, but I keep telling them I am not in sales, but they only have the one class, and I HAVE to go through training, so actually I stopped telling them I am not in sales and just do as I am told... but let me tell you, this fancy ass product that I will be doing things with is ROCKIN' and I can't wait to do things with it... and if it is as rockin as I say it is this place is going to explode... hell ya...
I was talking to this dude that I used to work with and now work with again who is NOT Chuck... at Ivers... where we were having lunch... and he made me feel real good about the decision I made to come over and also made me feel that I was not crazy for the decision making process I used... or thought process... or something... Damn, I can't believe I actually came up with so much so far...
Anyhow, when I finally leave I have to walk up up up this steep ass hill and it makes my legs hurt... and then I get to stand around with a bunch of other people and we all are facing somewhat northward as we watch for our special bus... we are like prairie dogs, all chirping and bobbing and weaving and shit... more interesting people, watch your ass, yo... bus finally shows up, usually just after I have given up hope of ever getting home and wondering if I am going to end up sleeping on the street and will I get raped or something... bums find me sexy... they want to touch me... there are misc other undefinable people milling about that would also probably try to have unsolicited anal sex with me if I found myself downtown after dark... luckily for me, right after giving up hope the bus usually shows up...
then I come home, and then I have to do it all over again... and again, and again...
but, once I get out of training, if I can actually pass this test that they are threatening me with, I will probably start going in at 6:30 or 7 and leave at 3:30 or so... it will be great... uhhh... damn, yeah...
if you are sitting there wondering why I haven't mentioned YOUR name or if I miss YOU... damn, aren't we the selfish one... I am sure I do... for real... and shit...