makin dough, but don't call me dough boy...

Ok, check it out... If you happen to do a Google search for me, well, guess who pops up on the top 2... Thats right, Me.. or Trey... well, you know what I mean...
The weird thing is that there is a person who's name really is Trey Wafer. He apparently works for 3com. I have known this for a while, but you know, I was slippin in below the radar, so no harm, eh... and I really mean no harm... it is just my Nom de plume... I imagine it happens all the time, but I imagine a lot of things... right now I am imagining that Samuel Clemmons was sitting down havin' a drink or two and came up with Mark Twain, and then he got published and some dude was all like, Hey Asshole, my name is Mark Twain... WTF... Or when Francois Marie Arouet was sitting down drinking some Absinthe with some other dudes and they were all loaded and he's all like, you know what would be fucked up? If I published everything under the name Voltaire... yeah.. what a hoot...
So yeah, that is what I am imagining... Hey... he didn't, oh yes he did... He just compared himself to Mark Twain and voltaire... that sly devil... slippin it all in like that...
So really, no harm dude... but if it comes right down to it, I am ready to change my name... I have a couple ideas... I could be Big Chief Banos, or I could be Corky Buttfinger, or I could be Eric E. Strada (heh, or The Shadow of Romeo), or Loamy Shoals...

So, I had this dream last night... You know those dreams that leave you with something all day... like a nightmare that you just can't shake... you have this feeling all day, like there is/was something there... well, so I had this dream... I was doing some shit, then I was at the beach, it was beautiful, I was pretty relaxed, there was this platform, nice and smooth, about 15 ft. above the beach, and right over the waves... there were people there, my lovely wife was there... and I was kinda looking out over the water and waiting and there is this gal swimming around below us and she looks up at me and says "Neko isn't coming" and I was all like, "But she was supposed to" and the gal just kinda shrugged and went off... I looked over at my wife and she gave me this "I'm sorry baby" look... and I was left with this empty feeling, this feeling of longing... not sure what the expectation was, but it wasn't met, you know what I mean?
So I was thinking about this on the bus today, thinking, hey, wouldn't it be great to meet Neko? I probably could... She is going to be in Town in July, could email her, all sorts of stuff... but I will most likely not take the effort... What would I have to say... I love your music? Remember when you sang that one song? That was great! I think you are beautiful and want to have wild sex with you although I really have no idea what you are really like and you could be a complete skank but in my mind you are an angel so please don't abuse me? No, Really... What the hell is there to say to someone... I can only think of really one or two people that I would really go way out of my way to be in the presence of... Ahh, but perhaps I am being short sighted...
Perhaps, if I took the effort, say to meet up with Neko (we will just use her as an example)... perhaps I would say Hi and she would say Hi, and I would say, hey, you are Neko Case and she would say, yep, and I would say, hey I love your music, and she would say thanks and I would shake her hand and think it is smaller than I imagined it would be, and we could have a beer together and strike up a nice conversation... talk about things, you know, I could tell her about my wife and kids, she could tell me about being on the road, you know, just talk... I suppose it could happen...
Or I could walk up to her and she could assume I was a stalker or worse, pay no attention to me, maybe lash out with a sharpie and scribble on my forearm...

Eh, I have a point here somewhere... somewhere...

My wife and I appear to belong to the Mutual Admiration Society... She rocks my world more than I could ever really say. I have tried to explain it, but I end up getting lost in the in some dream about stars and trees and something about hugging sand, I don't know...

Someone said something about me being prolific, and whenever I hear that I imagine that they mean I have a lot of, uh, gism... heh, say it, but in a little whisper so noone will hear you... naughty...

Ok, I am gonna end this before I trail off into nothingness...
Your mission today is to listen to the following songs:
Bass Hump by Dub Narcotic Sound System
Check Yourself by Ice Cube
I wanna do something freaky to you by Leon Haywood
Star Witness and Hold on Hold on by my future concubine Neko Case (the bible says its ok) which you can download by right clicking and saving as whatever you want...

rambling as usual...

Me my mo moo, memymomu, mememe...momomomo...hummmmerrrrr...
Ok, enough about me...
Hold on, wait a minute... this is my blog thingy... which really makes it my world on the Interweb... what else would there be to talk about?
Well, turns out today that my nephew has broken up with his fiance... Appears she was having some sort of myspace relationship with this dude 120 miles away... anyway, the funny thing is (funny being relative, you dig) this fiance of his was wearing this engagement ring that I had purchased some time ago... apparently any woman that wears this ring breaks up with whomever gave it to them... He says he will try to get it back to me, or give me some money for it, but I am thinking that if I get it back I will rent it out to dudes that want to break up with their girlfriends but don't have the balls to do it... I could make some good money, although the turn around time is kinda high... hmmnnn...
So I was all like, dude I am sorry, you know she is a bitch and you are better off, unless you get back together, then I always liked her and knew it would work out, whichever... he was all like, no way, not gonna happen, So I said ok, so I said, hey, why don't you give it a few days, no need to worry about the ring right this minute... maybe she will hold it hostage, maybe she will hock it, maybe she will give it back to you and you can give it back to me, or better yet, you can pay it forward, keep it as a bitter reminder for a few years and then try to sell it to some unsuspecting sucker... he was all like, eh...
This other dude, he has a staff infection and had this painful lump in his pelvic region... he went to the dr. and this nurse there is all like, yeah, it needs to be drained (it was the size of his palm) but then the dr. is all like, hell no, it needs to be surgically removed... so they took this lump of dead skin or something out of him the size of a big marble or bouncy ball or something about this big around (I am holding up my hand and making a cirle)... So I was all like, damn dude, how many stiches did you get and you know what he said??? None... it is an open wound... there is a bandaid over it and a "wick" to pull the ooze out or something... it will have to heal itself... when the wick stops wicking he will be done... So I was all gagging, much like you may be, and then he mentioned that he has a bottle of Percocets to help with the pain... I was all like, hey, gimme some, and he was all like, no, and I was all like, come on dude, and he was like, fuck off, I have to take 3 just to kill the pain... He is a bear so I says, hey, why don't you just take like 2 and I can taser you... he said no, then I remembered that this combination apparently is fatal to bears... He sits next to my nephew...
Dude that sits next to me came back to this place where I spend all my time after taking a couple days off sick... He is walking like someone shoved something up his butt repeatedly... although he claims quite the opposite... He got a bellyache from something last week... He thought, maybe it was the food at the bowling alley, I told him, Dude, noone else got sick, then he thought, maybe it was the fruit and shit they gave us after the health thingy the other day, and I was all like, Dude, other people ate that and didn't get sick... Then he was all like, I know it wasn't from swimming in the lake the other day cause I tested it for bacteria, and I was all, you did WHAT? and he says that EVERYONE tests the water for bacteria, and I still have never heard of such a thing... I think he just got sick, maybe from a virus or something... people get sick you know... not sure about walking all funny like, like he lucky in the back seat of a volkswagen... you know what I mean...
DUDE!!! and most likely you already know about this... but I just got off the phone with this chick, right, and we were all talking and she was telling me how much she enjoys Billy Idol... and I enjoy Billy Idol is a very similar way... not the same, you dig, but similar... and so she was driving around listening to Billy Idol and was admiring Steve Stevens guitar solos and stuff... I suggested that I would enjoy listening to Billy Idol with her at her earliest convenience... like right now, yeah, lets do it (listen to Billy Idol) right now... yeah... put it on repeat and listen to it over and over and over until we are too tired to listen to it any more... yeah... I am ready... remember when we saw Billy Idol in Concert... That was HOT!!!
So, yeah, was talkin' on the phone...
I think I will just sit here for a while... just, you know, sit...

sitting on his thumbs...

Oh so slow...
Once again, I sit here, thinking about how to entertain you without being redundant...
Don't need to talk about the relative merits of poon and on a general scale how many points it may be worth compared to some other special goodness in the world. Might as well result to just saying bathroom words (you know, butt, puddin', weiner, poop)...
I don't know... my fertile imagination seems to be escaping me at the moment... It may be the drugs... something is making me tired... general lethargy brought on by the crappy weather... coffee... something about coffee...
It is a shame, I have a lot to say, a lot I would like to do... Hey baby, I smell pretty good, why don't you come over here and take a wiff, yeah, right here on my arm... you dig that? Smells like sunshine, and pepper, and warm skin... Hey, I don't have a pillow but why don't we sneak off, right over here... I bet you smell good too and I have a couple other spots you ought to wiff around... and we could just kinda smell each other and talk, we don't have to get completely naked, but you know, it might help, might help make things more comfortable, and metaphysical or something, you know, like removing all our clothes would be like breaking down our inhibitions and we could REALLY relate to each other, you know... I can be a sensetive guy... things like that...
Down in the garage, I would like to explore, go spelunking, so to speak... Hey ladies, you know I been fixed??? Really, the doctor told me I could sleep with whoever I want and they won't get pregnant... now I am just kinda making conversations, you know, cause there is really only one lady in my life... but we could pretend, eh??? yeah... you could close your eyes and pretend you are doing things to me, and I could close my eyes and pretend you are doing things to me, and somewhere out there, in the astral plane perhaps, you are actually doing things to me... and I won't have to confess things to my wife cause it wasn't really here in the physical realm, you know... and how could I turn you down in your dreams... what kind of cad would I be then, eh...
Ok, so a cup or so of coffee later, short time before I get off work.. funny, I look forward to playing with my laptop... so shiny and sweet... amazing the things I can do with it...
You know what??? I am gonna do up some sort of Fancy graphic header image incorporating many different elements... this, you have to keep in mind, is coming from a guy with little in the way of visual artistry... I would prefer to be thought of as a master of the typed word... that would be sweet... although I may really only be thought of as a freak...
Still operating under that retard banner... special jeff... that can be my nickname...
People like my writing because the special boy is trying so hard and he is spelling many of the words right, isn't that cute?
How special? I figure my past girlfriends were really like social workers, nothing more than paid by the state to try and teach the retard how to be sociable or able to relate to others or something... I was too special for them and drove them away (well, that experiment with the crazy redhead, that was like 2 retards in confined area trying to act like normal human beings...) Heh, sorry crazy redhead, it was all me, you weren't really crazy (HA) it was all me, I made you this way... put down the knife and let it go...
Oh, and the other chick that I tried to relate to... uh, yeah, that was pretty retarded... she had no patience for my shenanigans... shenanigans being nice way of saying bullshit, I suppose... Hey ladies.. you remember that dude that was really hot in the sack but you couldn't really stand to be around because there was something that was just not right about him??? But you still think about him and want to sleep with him? Yeah, that was me... Me that you want to sleep with... I am that dude, come and sleep with me... it will be like old times... I am every womans retarded ex boyfriend that they still would like to do it with... come and get me... Oh, just kidding, I have a very kind and understanding caretaker right now, don't want to drive her away... I think we are actually coming to a breakthrough... just a few more years and I may be domesticated yet... mostly normal in human standards... not like the wolf boy... more like a cross between the elephant man and helen keller... If she can put up with my bullshit for just another year or two I think I will be ready... for graduation I want a Camaro... not one of those super sweet '72 RS's... no, one of those like late 80's knight rider types...
Lets see... uhh... puchomp...
Dude... this is the kind of stuff that rainman had written in his notebooks... gosh, I really am mental, eh? Is this a subliminal call for help... Hello out there, somebody please love me!!! Tell me I am smart and I smell good and it is true that you really want to have sex with me!!! but not out of pity... no, because of my superior genes... which would then mean that I am not a retard...
but... hold it... So I am not a retard? I am not like other people though? Does special have multiple meanings... like we are all special in our own special way... but you are extra special, that makes me a bit better??? Heh... damn...
This one time, some of you may know this story, I went to a wedding... was this dude that we called cousin although he really wasn't... so took my wife with me, was her first real immersion into the valley I think... anyway, she runs into this chick that she knows from somewhere and this chick is all like, hey, what are you doing here and she said something about being here with her husband and there were some other words here and there and this chick looks at her all incredulous like and said something like "I can't believe you married into the Mayfields"... heheeheh... true story... so, we were talking about this at dinner last night, not sure the real context of the conversation, something about us being very special people and somehow there is a long string of these "crazy bitches" in our pasts... Really crazy women, not sure why they all turned crazy or why we didn't see it in the first place... I am the good one... it is the others, damn, every single one of them in there pasts were/was/are crazy (damn, I lost control of that one, eh?) ... it is kinda funny, cause when it happens with someone else it is easy to see that the common denominator is the one complaining about the crazies... except in my family... and I think this is true... we drive people insane... for real... make 'em violent, or make them take drastic measures... yeah... we are like the typhoid maries of mental disorders.... Heh, we gots our shit together, but people that brush up against us end up catchin' it and spreading it around...
Oh, I wish I had a point... I am sure if I sat with an open mind and though enough about it I could come up with some sort of theory... like I am writing this to be passive-aggressive... assuming that I will get a specific response... or I could claim that this is just an attempt to write something with some sort of cohesivness (it is there if you look real hard)... this is not really true stream of consciousness, you know how I know? Heh, it would be truley insane... writing in the margins kind of crazy... all I am really getting out of this is some sort of Horny, with the peaks and valleys of esteem and a little something something... hell, I don't know.. I think I would really just appreciate a comment or two... Helloooo, I know you are out there... somebody shoot me a howdy... I would love to hear from you... well, except for Larry Lagassa... screw you larry...

you know, just chillin...

It is oh so pleasant, sitting here on Saturday mornings... The rest of the family is still in bed so I can just sit here drinkin coffee and playin with the laptop...
Dude... I am listening to a Calvin Johnson mixtape right now... Go HERE to download it... do it now... it will give you at least an hour of happiness, and that is what you are looking for, isn't it? How about that, I gave you happiness... maybe for the first time ever... or maybe again... remember that one time, when I made you happy? yeah, that was great...
So check it out... in the wee hours I go through so many emotions... late, late at night, when I wake up I am nothing but manic, thinking of all the horrible things in the world, real and imagined... in the early, early morning I am full of optimism... I know the world is there for taking over, and I feel like I could do it... am I strange in this, probably... I know people (personally) that have a hard time in the morning, waking up, being grumpy, you know... Me, I am up... ready to get personal and shit (for the most part)...
So yeah, I am sitting here, listening to the mixtape, looking at the world via Google Earth, trying to plan and replan going to ND... Sure, the easy thing to do would be to get in the car and just drive... but what fun is that... maybe if we left earlier we could stop somewhere, like 5 hours away, then the second day stop somewhere else that I have not already planned, then the 3rd day, uh... I don't know... I want to enjoy this, you know... see something interesting, like we did on the road between Elko and Reno... something mountain... This is my vacation, after all, and I don't want to spend it just driving and driving and sitting and waiting stuff... I want to have something to tell people when I get back, like one of those, oh, what are they called, Adventures I think... Something that involves rattle snakes and gunfights and the moon glowing red and being all sweaty and sneaky sex and stuff... yeah...
Hmmnnn...

making excuses.

Dude, trying to be sooo literary. I know what I am trying to say, I know how I want it to come out, but the pressure... I understand about writers block. It is really just these surface thoughts that tread the murky waters of your imagination... You start thinking, hey, wouldn't it be great if there was a naked lady... then it stops.. you can't imagine WHAT to do with the naked lady, just that there is one.
Hell, you can get as far as thinking, ok, she is naked cause we went out to dinner, and I was really slick and paid for dinner and everything, she thought she might have a headache or her brother was sick, but dinner went so well and there were stars in her eyes and I took her home and she was all hot and sweaty and wanted to get out of that wool skirt she was wearing then we were both naked... etc.. right, so you think this and you are all like, ok, perfect, it will write itself, and you sit down and your fingers are all limber and ready to make magic and... nothing... the lady is naked and you did something to get her naked and you were slick or she was sick or something, DAMN!!! How did I get here...
How did I get here? I was sitting on the bus, thinking about how much deeper I am than this... how you can scrape off the layers... no, I was thinking, if you remove the non-pareils, take off the Happy Birthday, remove the top layer of icing and there is a lot of cake there... deep down, I am the cake...
Really? Yes.
For example?
Well, for example, I tend to agree with almost everything anyone says, or don't say anything... I find it easier this way than having to defend myself for my views... It is also easier, this way, to keep people from seeing me as insane... really. I have some very hurdy-gurdy thought processes, ranging from making everything legal and permissable, to shooting on sight those that are too radical or seditious (anarchists, really)... I believe in the right to absolute freedom, but being given the freedom, not taking the freedom... does that make sense? It does to me... see...
You want more...
Well, deep down inside, you know who I often am? I am this 19 year old dude, sitting in the balcony of the Harvard exit, drunk as hell, hot and sweaty, crying at the end of Dead Poets Society and thinking that I will never know the love of a woman... Or I am this same 19 year old dude, drunk as hell, hot and sweaty, sitting through a Spike Lee film festival, one of the few white guys in the room, feeling like I understand but secretly hoping that after the movie all these black dudes are not gonna be ALL sorts of pissed and riotous and want to destroy me... and I will never know the love of a woman...
I know the love of a good woman, but I am scared that I will never know the love of a woman... it makes sense to me...
So I sit, and I write stuff, and it is sometimes funny, and people say they appreciate it... but it then I am a special boy, retarded in that I can't get out all this something something...
Oh, and my parents have a skunk in their back yard...
Oh, and I am SO slick I got the beautiful Mrs. to go along with getting a portable DVD player...
OH, and DUDE... I haven't had a smoke in 3 weeks. Have I wanted one, yes and no. Have I come close and had to fight back the demons? No. But check this out... We were walking along yesterday, through the parking lot near Best Buy, and I walked through this cloud of smoke or something... It smelled really good and I swear to your favorite god that I got a contact high off of it... total light head, buzz, the whole nine yards... thinking about it is making me light headed... what a trip...

Planning a trip

I am going to North Dakota this summer.
I am going to make this the BEST VACATION EVER.
So, it is going to go down like this:
Day 1: Kent to Missoula
Day 2: Missoula to Miles City
Day 3: Miles City to Medora
Day 4: Medora to Mchenry
Days 5 - 9: Have fun
Then there will be a reversal of paths, perhaps...
May need to tweak things a bit to make it through the badlands, gotta hit the Enchanted Highway, etc... These things are not ON THE WAY but are quite necessary for my plan to work.Ok, so check this out...
We will avoid all chain fast food restaurants, even though they are real easy, eh...
I will need to go to the O'Berto outlet and get a back of meat product for the drive. Couple pounds should do it.
Need to get a portable DVD player for the kids in the back... OK, so I know I said that one of the benefits to getting a laptop would be that the girls could watch movies on it while we are busting down the road, but baby, really, I don't think this will work, I am sorry. See, with my seat back further than yours the laptop will be cocked (heh) towards the right, so the child on the left will have issues seeing it. Plus, the laptop is a bit too big... It will not hang correctly from the seats. Plus, and this is a good reason, if the kids get all bugged out and start flayling about they could harm my poor laptop... plus it will give you something to do while we are busting down the road... You will be able to pull up maps that I have saved, play games, write things... the possibilities are endless... And to this end, I have found a fantastic DVD player at Target for not too much money... So how about it, baby... I will make it worth your while...
Back to supplies...
Cold beverages... Can't be drinking pop the whole way, need something better than that... more than water but less than Sparks.
Shoot, there is so much... this will just be a start...
So, we will stay at the Motel 6 in Missoula, or Super8... Same price, Super8 has free wireless internet access... hmmnn... In Miles City we will stay at the Motel 6, and it will cost $30 less than in Missoula.
Miles City looks like the coolest place in MT. Damn, we are going to miss the bucking horse sale, though.
Dude, so next day we will be in Medora, to see a show in this big ass amphitheater. Some sort of chinese acrobats and some comedian dude will be there... Uh, I am not so sure about that, but the mother in law is way excited... The acts, well, I am going to just cut and paste directly from their site:
The Medora Musical offers:
• A mix of country western, gospel and patriotic music
• A talented cast of singers and dancers from across the US
• A live band on stage
• Nationally known variety acts
• Wholesome, family friendly entertainment
• Historic, patriotic themes dedicated to Theodore Roosevelt
• Live horses on stage
• Modern conveniences for your comfort
Then on to Mchenry.
Expectations are that it will be HOT. There will be Ticks. We will ride the train around the loop. We will maybe go to the casino and eat at the buffet. Maybe go to some other tiny little town that is an hour away, eat, and drive back. I am hoping, for real this time, that there will be something similar to the Steam Threshers Reunion that I didn't go to last time going on. Those things are off the hook. Got the killerest shirt from there. Gotta be something like that going on. Otherwise we will hang out with the family...
Next time I build up 2 weeks worth of vacation, though, hopefully it will be used for Mexico. Although I love my in-laws, and especially love my wife (she's yummy), and can't say no to a road trip, going to ND in the middle of summer was not on my to-do list, if you know what I mean. It's better than a kick in the balls, for sure...
Irregardless, I am going to make the most of this, get into some shenanigans... I have never gotten any nookie in ND... gotta do something about that. Come to think of it, should do something about that in MT. Dude, SD on the way back... DUDE!!! along the enchanted Highway.
Wanna have some whiskey in one of the cowboy towns we are going to hit, out of a dirty glass.
Soo much to do, let me think about this for a while...
In the meantime, here is Miles City...

a special boy

Trying to write some stuff...
I keep starting, and stopping, and starting again.
Was going to mention about how much I love my wife and how her poo smells like flowers.
Was going to write about travelling accross half the U.S. this summer, to ND and the cowboy musical dealy bob in Medora (pitchfork fondue?!?)...
God, was going to write about so much... but as soon as I get started I get distracted... then when I try to start back up I realize that I was about to post CRAP...
Perhaps it is not so bad.
Perhaps everything I touch turns to gold. It could happen.
Did I ever mention this fear that I have? This fear about how I am retarded but don't realize it. So I am "special" right, and so my current job and the frustrations that go along with it... well, this is one of those jobs that "special" people get, like sorting nuts or something, and normal people wouldn't really find it to be that difficult. I ride a special bus to get here, I have a special family, we take care of each other... Special. So, sometimes, when I write up a fancy ass post and stuff, and people say they like it, it is kinda like they are patting me on the head sometimes, like, look, the special boy did something special. Lets give him a medal... he's a winner. So what I write and how I feel about it does not really matter, since I am special, and being special makes anything I do special... special...

BOO-BERRY

Check it out...
Ordered my lovely wife a case of Boo-Berry cereal (4 to a case?). Why Boo-Berry? Because they didn't have any Count Chocula, duh... Ordered it straight from the source, so you know it is fresh.
Here, we see Fiona and Jessica enjoying the madcap adventures that sugar cereal brings. Note that Fiona just got back from her first trip to the "beauty parlor" and her hair looks FANTASTIC. Kudos to Brea...
Note that Jessica stayed home with me. Note the abject indiference. Yeah.... 

Started out the day ready to kill...
Not sure what happened since then...
Was ready to publish a nasty tirade about being tired and nobody cares and things suck and I hate everyone and what the hell and stuff like that...
Coincidentally, this mood started at around 4am...
Coincidentally, this is what time my alarm goes off in the morning...
Coincidentally, I have often mentioned that I get up at 4am... please, somebody pity me...
It may be the meds...
I have decided that taking 2 a day will drive me insane (insaner) and that aneurysm I have prophecised will erupt with cataclysmic force (you have no idea what struggles I am having with the spelling on that sentence)... So I decided to take one a day (with iron, eh?) and waited until after 8 to take it... I don't think that has anything to do with my mood this morning, or it had everything to do with it...
I felt like Michael Douglas in that one movie... the one where he freaks out in traffic and leaves his car and something about a baseball bat and a minimart and he just wants to get home and he calls his ex wife and just wants to be loved and shit... yeah, that is what I felt like this morning... Was ready to hop off the bus and do something about it... decided to be happy instead though... I think my mood changed when some KIX came on my zen micro... You KNOW buttrock has that affect on me... and this wasn't just buttrock, it was like a double shot... it was KIX doing a cover of Still Loving You by the Scorpions... Fuck yeah!!! ohh... damn...
Oh, and Hennesy and Buddha... heh, if you haven't heard this song, snoop dogg, you should check it out... heh...
So I emailed the rock star chick I made the aquaintence of... does being a friend on myspace make you a friend in real life? I don't know... anyway, I emailed some inane banter at her, mentioned that I would pay money to hear her sing "Last Night I Drempt that Somebody Loved Me" by my boy Morrissey... and I would, but she replied back that she is not too up on him/them... and she did some self disclosure... very interesting stuff... helps keep the hero worship in check, if you know what I mean... so I emailed her back some more inane prattle, she emailed me back and told me how old the state of NY thinks she is...
So this is how it goes, day ebbs and flows... blog becomes a diary of things that happened to me today... trying to get into the freak mode that makes for interesting reading... maybe I should plan another concert with my lotto winnings...
OH, Dude... the ultimate concert to try and pull off with my winnings... I would sell my soul to get a full on Oingo Boingo concert rolling... gosh, that would be sooo friggin' cool... could you imagine??? Dead Man's Party live and for real??? Oh, its overwhelming...Me and Danny Elfman, we would be buds after that... we would just click, you know... he would bounce some of his ideas for new songs off of me... I could assist with his next movie soundtrack... Our old ladies could get together and be friends too... what a happy world that would be...
ahh, instead I will be living in van down by the river... I hope it is a nice van. I hope it is a nice river. Someplace where the water does not run too swift, the bank is a gentle slope and teenagers don't throw their used condoms all over the place... and my van will have captains seats, and moon windows in the back and a rag top, so I can just roll back the top and be in the open air, or a pop top so I can stand up straight...
I am going to bring over some of my old stuff, throw it up here... not sure if I can archive it or if it is just going to FILL up this bad boy... then you will have something good to read...

Today is my birthday, YAY!!! Happy Birthday to me...Got me a hankering... always got me a hankering. What do I hanker for today? Hhhmmnn, gonna get me a Guacamole Burger. I can almost taste it now (I will probably still be tasting it tomorrow). Dude, do they have guacamole burgers in Mexico? Do they? Like, hey, we are Mexicans (not Mexicant's), lets make this burger our own... So they all sit down in a round table discussion and brainstorm on how to own the hamburger... hmmn, I know, lets throw some guac on it, nothing says Mexi-burger like guacamole... Then this other dude, he's all like, no way dude, lets throw some sliced jalapenos on it, and some monteray Jack cheese, and shit, yeah... that is a mexi-burger...What the hell am I going on about? Errgh, ready to crack someone(s) upside the head... Arrgh, ready to get me some booty... Ugghh, whats that floating in my coffee...
Yeah, so just doin the free association thing. Been interesting day so far. Got a birthday email from this chick that is/was in this band that I have been trying to hunt down for ever now, found her a couple days ago and today I get this message from her wishing me a happy birthday and wondering why I call myself Catfish... Damn, I was all atwitter over that I tell you... Sent a couple emails back and forth with her...
Got an email from some friends, more birthday wishes, etc...
Got an email from an old friend I hunted down a few weeks ago, he doesn't know it is my birthday, but he wants to hook up anyhow...
And all the while, I am thinking about how this is the one night this week that I get to spend with my wife... she is/was booked all friggin week... She is enjoying what she does, for the most part, so I am happy for her, but I miss her at the same time... etc. etc...

Next to my desk, there is a bamboo plant. I think we rent it from someone... So every friday this chick comes around to take care of the plant. She sprays some water on it, usually smells like lavender... then she rubs down the leaves and stuff... So this chick comes around, and I swear to your favorite god, all the fella's here all like, what, you know those shows on the nature channel where there is big ass lion that just killed something and is eating it and there are all these dogs or jackels or whatever circling around hoping to get an openning to rush in for a bite? It's kinda like that... bunch of guys, all turned around, watching her and shit... I feel sorry for her... tryin' to do her job with a bunch of freaks all watching your every move... I am the only one that has said anything to her... I think I suprised everyone... but I was curious... her she is rubbing down this tree with scented water... I imagined that she does this all over town, just walks around, sprays plants, puts her hands all over them... you know... it was kinda sexy I guess, so I asked her... she confirmed that this is what she does. I asked her if she gets to pick the fragrence in the water... she does, but she only has 2 choices, lavender or peppermint... I suggested she go and get some sandalwood or ylang ylang or something... she said she doesn't do the buying, I told her that was too bad, maybe she should freelance it, bootleg her own sent, you know... then she left...

What's my point? Dude, you need something to read, I need something to write about... we fulfill each others needs... kinda sexy, don't you think??? I get to be on top...

This will be my new home...

Moving Trey Wafer over here... and why the hell not...